Anyone else decline every invitation?

[abandonedmadem]

I hate weddings, I don't like socialising in large groups and I don't drive so there is a financial aspect.
My own wedding only had 2 witnesses (I would have had less) and no party. I don't enjoy it. I either make up a fake reason if I don't know them well enough or if I know the person well enough, they know I don't do that stuff.

I was guilted into a baby shower once and what's the point? Ill get a gift if that's what it's all about but I hate parties. I don't drink either which is probably a good reason. Everyone gets drunk and I'm just bored and tired and upset that I'm not sat in my house having a nice relaxing time.

I take my kids to parties but I hate every second and at least I know if I arrive at 2pm I will definitely be leaving at 4pm and nobodies going to try to make me drink or stay.

I know I sound like a dickhead and I am I don't even like seeing all my brothers and sisters and parents at christmas as its just too much for me. Sensory overload I think. Really takes it out of me.

The problem is nobody understands and thinks I don't like them or its rude but surely declining an invitation isn't really rude? I mean I wouldn't invite Sally to my bookclub because I know Sally doesn't read, so don't invite me to your party because you know I don't do parties!

Am I the only one? I feel like I was created wrong, like I'm an alien species sometimes.

Do you actually want friends OP? If not then just fully embrace misanthropy and don't look back

not wanting to engage with people doesn't mean you hate people, one can be an introvert without being a misanthrope!

This thread is a perfect example of how so many extroverts just simply cannot fathom the idea that some people do not like large parties and gatherings.

It doesn't make you miserable or boring or anti-social to not like parties, some people are just wired differently.

I fucking hate a party, but that doesn't mean I don't have friends and don't enjoy other social activities, it's just that I find parties phyisically draining.

Oh god - the whole gamut of what makes it difficult is right here in this thread. I feel like you OP. I'm not autistic, I'm not "miserable", I'm totally OK thanks, I don't need to "be brought out of my shell", "loosen up". Really.
I do however, need a strategy to cope with other people who think anyone who isn't exactly like them must have something wrong with them. 🙄

Autism isn’t having something wrong with you, but yeah, I agree.

Yes, I can see why you took offence.

The thing is, I suppose, that is what glittery events are about, isn't it? Validation. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it - I happily did it practically 24/7 for a good 20 years! I'd just never seen, felt, or expressed it that way before.

We talk about the need to "see and be seen", to mingle/network, work the room. We get dressed up, smoothed and polished, put on our best face, make a good impression. We stroke egos and hope to get ours stroked. This all is normal human behaviour, you can see it in the pro-social posts here. It's normal to seek validation and give it out. I'd just suddenly ... had enough of it. And, frankly, can't be doing with any more than the little I've got going on now.

Love, Grinch 😉

Oh, I didn't take offence. I'd have had to take it personally to do that.

Perhaps, though, some people go to events because they enjoy being among people, not to go out there smoothed and polished and collect ego-strokes?

I think it's the idea that socialising = self-referential superficiality* that I can't quite get with. (Of course it does sometimes. But not per se).

(*and, conversely, that introverts are much more real, profound, authentic, nobly unbothered by ego)

This is the (Mumsnet) Way

(with apologies to the Mandalorian)

‘Peopling’. Cringe.

As if ‘adulting’ wasn’t an irritating enough new word that I have seen bandied about.

These comments are a clear example of why it’s easier not to deal with people 😫

Exhausting.

Oh dear God, now someone has said ‘humaning’.

I'm like this but I'm autistic. I do go to weddings as there's some family I only see then, but I do drink which makes it a bit more bearable (not that you should have to) and am quite glad of having the kids as a excuse to leave early.

Nobody has a clue of how I feel about it. My public persona is very practiced.

Exactly this.

Most people spend time with their friends on a 1-1 basis fairly often. It's ridiculous to suggest that you can only be good friends if you spend time together at large social engagements!!

Oh dear God, now someone has said ‘humaning’

Yours to use, with my complements 😉

Sometimes we outgrow friendships. I've been an extrovert, but as I've got older I'm very much an introvert. I don't hate people, but I enjoy them in small doses now and can't stand the sensory overload of parties. I also hate going out in the evenings now. Again that's come with age. I don't even enjoy my own birthday as I hate being the centre of attention 😁

I kind of understand but you're more extreme than me! I dislike weddings and parties but I do like small scale socialising like going out with a couple of friends or inviting 2 or 3 people over for dinner.

I had a good friend who started by declining party and event invites and now it has escalated in to turning pretty much everything down, or it taking at least three or four attempts to get her to agree to meet.

I don't think we really have a friendship anymore as I got tired of doing all the running and being fobbed off with obvious bullshit excuses and she never invites me to anything.

The final straw for me was when I sent out a message in the November saying I was planning a gathering for my 40th in late Jan, details to follow. She responded saying " thanks for the invite but I am busy that night". I hadn't specifiied a date.

It sounds like she isn't bothered about continuing the friendship @Ginmonkeyagain

@Ginmonkeyagain
I don't think we really have a friendship anymore

well that is clear really. She’s been making that point for some time now

Well indeed I have come to that conclusion whuch is why I gave up bothering a while ago. However It's not just me she is doing it to though, it's everyone in our friendship group.

She wad always a bit of an introvert and when we were at university/flat sharing she would come along to social events or get involved, reluctantly at first but she always enjoyed it when she did come out.

When she lived alone contact with pretty much everyone started to wane - firstly with refusing bigger events (parties, weddings etc...) but soon it got to the point she had to be persuaded to meet up with anyone at all.

Maybe she is happier that way 🤷‍♀️ but it means it is pretty much impossible to keep up a friendship.

People have preferences in how they like to socialise of course, but as we move in to our forties with busy work and family lives you cannot just rely on other people doing all the running, they get annoyed fairly quickly.

You're forgetting the "must go to your gp or get therapy" for not liking parties.
I didn't like it as a child (but when I was there I could hide under chairs and play spies with the kids. I can't really do that now, I definitely wouldn't fit under the chairs.

to be fair, I'll massage my dhs legs or shoulders to get him to go. Or I'll take the bins out and clean the toilet on his week.
I actually like cleaning the toilet, fucking hate parties though 🙃

I mean I might regret not keeping up all the mismatched friendships. Because I wouldn't have dh at home with me. I get worried sometimes that when he does die (if I don't go first) I'll be lonely, but then sat at home holding hands with him is so much more alluring than going out
the perils of having a drop dead gorgeous handsome man at home

"Going to museums, hikes etc are completely normal activities that lots of people like."

I like them though I'm a bit lazy about organising them. I'll accept when someone else suggests it, but at the end of the museum/hike I want to go for a drink together. :)