Anyone else decline every invitation?

[abandonedmadem]

I hate weddings, I don't like socialising in large groups and I don't drive so there is a financial aspect.
My own wedding only had 2 witnesses (I would have had less) and no party. I don't enjoy it. I either make up a fake reason if I don't know them well enough or if I know the person well enough, they know I don't do that stuff.

I was guilted into a baby shower once and what's the point? Ill get a gift if that's what it's all about but I hate parties. I don't drink either which is probably a good reason. Everyone gets drunk and I'm just bored and tired and upset that I'm not sat in my house having a nice relaxing time.

I take my kids to parties but I hate every second and at least I know if I arrive at 2pm I will definitely be leaving at 4pm and nobodies going to try to make me drink or stay.

I know I sound like a dickhead and I am I don't even like seeing all my brothers and sisters and parents at christmas as its just too much for me. Sensory overload I think. Really takes it out of me.

The problem is nobody understands and thinks I don't like them or its rude but surely declining an invitation isn't really rude? I mean I wouldn't invite Sally to my bookclub because I know Sally doesn't read, so don't invite me to your party because you know I don't do parties!

Am I the only one? I feel like I was created wrong, like I'm an alien species sometimes.

3 invites in 5 years is too much? Wow!
How do you think you'll manage if your children get partners, have an engagement party, wedding, baby shower, 1st birthday for their baby etc?
It's up to you how you live obviously, but cutting yourself off from the rest of humanity seems a little bit fruitless. What memories do you expect you'll have sat in the nursing home to keep you going....only so many times you can remember the lovely day you sat at home by yourself (like all of the others)
Your posts come across as weirdly bitter that (3 whole people in 5 years) have invited you out of your comfort zone for a short while, it just sounds odd to me.

But I loathe big groups. I hate the dramas, bitching, fall outs, make ups, needy egos, etc. Some people love it. They love all the gossip and drama. They need and crave it. I absolutely do not.

I loathe, bitching, fallouts and dramas as well. You need better friends if when they get together that this happens.

I'm part of a couple of larger social groups and no-one bitches, falls out, gossips or creates drama. We are all quite boring grown ups.

I am pretty social. I like meeting new people and go out a lot. I am not an introvert.

BUT I don't like weddings and parties, only small groups or one to one. I hate loud music, for one.

Unfortunately I have a lot of family who just don't get this, and even though I decline a fair bit, I still continue to get invites.

Sorry to hear you have had the same .
im on the waiting lists to be assessed for autism and ADHD ..both should be this year as I’ve been waiting over 2 years .
not sure having a diagnosis will help me ,i just want to know for myself one way or another,I certainly won’t be telling anyone who knows me ,no point giving them a stick

I have invited people to come to a play or a museum or a walk or hike or bike ride and got 'are you crazy that sounds so boring' replies. Seriously. my friends laughed in my face for wanting to go to an exhibition (free!) at a museum easy for me to get to and they all went out there instead.

The problem here is your friends. Next week, I am going for an exhibition with one friend and for a walk with another. The week after, for a play with another friend. There are plenty of people who enjoy things like these rather than getting drunk with friends. You just need to find them.

And you seriously don’t think the kids don’t just run off and play with their mates?

I can promise you OP is not the only parent there that doesn’t want to be.

Also, even if her kids know, why is that a bad thing? She is taking her kids to something they enjoy even though she doesn’t. They are still able to participate and be social with other children. She’s not refusing to take them nor is she giving them a small time limit.

Children should learn and know that everyone doesn’t always like doing the same things and that includes adults and that is ok.

The absolute state of people saying that introverted people should think twice before having children! That speaks so loudly about your own values and personalities, sad.

With hindsight there's a pretty introverted streak running back through my family to varying degrees (and some extroverts in the mix too). Everyone content, successful in what they do, well adjusted, decent, kind, hardworking humans who are tolerant of each others differences and happen to like varying degrees/types/scale of socialising. Thank goodness for my family (and its a big one!), friends can be harder to navigate until you gain confidence in living the way that makes you comfortable. Perhaps it's people who have only experienced extroversion who can't comprehend living in a different way 🤔.

If you are generally happy as you are it's not an issue I'd say. Your friends who laugh about trips to museums or exhibitions sound really dull to me! My teenage best friend couldn't understand that on some Saturday nights I would want to stay in alone and listen to music. (She's highly social to this day and rarely spends time alone.) I'm similar to yourself but a bit more outgoing than you'd I'd say. I don't like to socialise with more than 1 or 2 people at a time unless I know them very well as I don't like it if there are odd dynamics/tensions between people and also maybe as I have a tendency to overthink things and can be oversensitive, I don't like conversations that feel like volleyball! And I've never been keen on joining in with the 'mean' banter a lot of people seem to like. I'm never sure if I do social stuff less than other people more because I am an introvert or more because I am shy. It feels unfair that men can get away with being less social than women, like you mentioned kids parties - nobody bats an eye at a bloke who turns up an sits with a laptop or goes outside for a wander, but it feels that the norm for Mum's is to group together and chat. Some days I can do that and enjoy it, sometimes it excruciating!

You do you. As long as you’re happy it’s all good.
Some nutty responses on this thread.

The absolute state of people saying that introverted people should think twice before having children! That speaks so loudly about your own values and personalities, sad.

I have read threads on here where some parents are so introverted that they just won't take their DC to parties at all or allow play dates. At least the OP is sucking it up for a couple of hours. Sad.

I've always preferred one on one catch ups with my friends, coffee shops being my favourite place to hang out. One of my friends now has a DD, but before then we'd meet up and have writing sessions, where we'd work on our separate stories. Good times! We still meet up with her DD, who'll be old enough to go to school in September, and I'm dreading it!

It's true that introversion is tolerated more in men. If my DH says he doesn't want to come for a family wedding or gathering, people nod wisely ' Yes, he must be busy working and needs to chill on the weekends.' I work too!

I have invited people to come to a play or a museum or a walk or hike or bike ride and got 'are you crazy that sounds so boring' replies. I can be quite outgoing OP (though I dislike large gatherings too - a meal out with 6 or so friends is my sort of night out), but I also enjoy all those things you've listed. There are like minded people out there, join a rambling group, local history group etc and meet people with a shared interest, instead of trying to fit like a square peg in a round hole. You might find you enjoy socialising with a purpose.

It’s fine to decline invitations. It usually means you won’t get invited to things after a while, but it sounds like you’d be fine with that. It may affect friendships with certain people, but it just depends how bothered you are about those people, as long as you’re happy with the friends you do have, and mutually happy with the manner you meet up with them, then all’s good!

What bothers me about these threads is that they usually end up looking down somewhat on more extroverted people - denouncing a room full of people at a party as 'hungry egos' as per a PP is an example of that. I understand that it feels like 'hitting back' at our extrovert-dominated culture, but two wrongs don't make a right.

(DOI: moderate extrovert who feels energised from interacting with people but also needs time alone)

I read it as the same.
When my Dad died my Mum was heartbroken at his loss but now she enjoys her own company and quietness in the house.

Just as long as you never need anyone's help, that's fine.

I totally disagree - location is very important when it comes to social gatherings because it changes the dynamics and the energy of the group.

As an example, I find nightclubs incredibly boring. There's no way I would choose to spend my free time there, no matter how many of my friends were also going - because it's not my cup of tea and I know I wouldn't enjoy myself.

But if the same group of friends were going for a nice pub lunch, or out for a dog walk on the beach, I'd be more than willing to join them. It's not about having endless activities to do - it's about the overall atmosphere and energy.

There's nothing wrong with you OP. Although as you're finding on this thread, as in real life, women are often very judgmental about other women openly admitting they don't enjoy socialising Men don't judge other men the same way.

But I loathe big groups. I hate the dramas, bitching, fall outs, make ups, needy egos, etc. Some people love it. They love all the gossip and drama. They need and crave it. I absolutely do not.

I loathe, bitching fallouts and dramas as well. You need better friends if when they get together that this happens.

I'm part of a couple of larger social groups and no-one bitches, falls ot gossips or creates drama. We are all quite boring grown ups.

There's just as much judgement going the other way - anyone introverted is (according to MN) boring and miserable and a rubbish parent to boot!

OP, start a book club. They are my saviours. No gossip, drama - though I don't have drama otherwise either- or getting drunk.

Yes I agree, it seems more acceptable in males. Quite a few members of my family (I'm ND too though just ADHD, and I love socialising) and my DH are like you – all male. I think females "mask" better.

One of my social groups is a very sedate, drama free book club
Everyone is lovely, and there are no big egos or "small talk", just "big talk" about the book we have just read.

Because actually it's not all about you? For some people it is important to have their family and friends around them to celebrate a special occasion. It's not like they're asking you every week. Surely for the sake of a few hours you can be slightly uncomfortable, don a fake smile, wax lyrical about what lovely food/drink/decor there is and go home safe if the knowledge that you have made someone else happy and done your social occasion for the year?