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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fucked off about nursery fees

344 replies

Ladyrantalot · 12/03/2023 10:44

So, here we are, DH and I slaving away full time, paying a grand a month for nursery until our ‘free’ hours kicked in after 2 years. Put off having DC2 because we didn’t have the money to have 2 in nursery at once.

By comparison, my sis who doesn’t work and hasn’t since she quit her job on her first maternity leave 4 years ago, also has 30 free hours despite the fact she’s at home, has no intention of working in the next few years and doesn’t need it 🤷🏼‍♀️

AIBU to find the way us full-time-but-just-over-the-threshold workers are treated fucking maddening? We’re mugs aren’t we? And other people have the nerve to tell us we’re ‘lucky to be working’, yeah right.

OP posts:
MajorCarolDanvers · 12/03/2023 11:13

Whilst I don't think people should be funded by the taxpayer for their SAHP lifestyle I would not begrudge my own niece or nephew a nursery education.

Original poster
Ladyrantalot · 12/03/2023 11:14

If you’re so jealous of your SIL then presumably you too can stay at home and claim universal credit.

No I have pride and don’t want other working mums paying for me.

OP posts:
thimblewomble879 · 12/03/2023 11:16

Ladyrantalot · 12/03/2023 11:14

If you’re so jealous of your SIL then presumably you too can stay at home and claim universal credit.

No I have pride and don’t want other working mums paying for me.

Ok!!!
I'm a sahp. I have pride!!

NoSquirrels · 12/03/2023 11:16

Ladyrantalot · 12/03/2023 11:04

But they get that at 4/5 when they start school. We start school early compared to other countries. So it’s not like they’re not getting these opportunities early on is it?

I mean by your ‘begrudging’ logic, anyone should have anything they ask for ever, and anyone who objects is just ‘begrudging’ 🙄

Nobody who has a SAHM needs free nursery hours, that’s the long and short of it for me.

Show quote history

The research shows that it benefits children to be in preschool education from 3 years old.

Nobody who has a SAHM needs free nursery hours, that’s the long and short of it for me.

Then you have a very blinkered view of SAHPs - they’re not all lovely engaged mothers who do enriching things with their little ones. Some kids have totally shit parents. It’s universal for a reason.

KievsOutTheOven · 12/03/2023 11:17

I get the frustration if you are in Scotland.

Where I live, the best nurseries (as per inspection reports) are either council run; or ridiculously expensive. The lower cost private ones are less well resourced and so on.

We needed nursery from age 2 for my dd and we didn’t even have the option to pay for council; the local nurseries only offered fully funded spaces for 2yo kids.

I put her in a private nursery and we pulled her back out after two weeks and we waited til she turned 3 and got into a council nursery.

Oh, and we earned £200 per month too much to get UC, I worked full time and my partner couldn’t work or look after dd adequately because he had a serious mental illness. So it was frustrating that if I had dropped 1 day per week we would have been able to afford ft nursery for her.

Flamingogirl08 · 12/03/2023 11:17

Ladyrantalot · 12/03/2023 11:14

If you’re so jealous of your SIL then presumably you too can stay at home and claim universal credit.

No I have pride and don’t want other working mums paying for me.

I wouldn't say SAHPs who claim universal credit have no pride. Maybe wages should be high enough to allow households to function on one wage. Again anger directed at the wrong people

Anotherturnipforthebooks · 12/03/2023 11:17

The main aim of the Free Hours system was to improve educational outcomes, not support parents to work, that's why it's run by DfE, not DWP or HMRC.

Reallybadidea · 12/03/2023 11:17

daimtheman · 12/03/2023 11:08

@Ladyrantalot but this isn't about the super rich is it? If she's able to claim UC then they're on a fairly low income.

Absolutely our anger should be directed at the very wealthy hiding their money away, the government for their hateful policies and society in general for being so selfish and insular.

Maybe instead of bitching and whining about your own sister, you could get involved in some campaigning about the real issues here because it's not your sister getting some childcare.

👏

OP what's stopping you from giving up your job and claiming UC if life is so much better for your sister?

Fizzypop66 · 12/03/2023 11:18

EmmaDilemma5 · 12/03/2023 10:53

Why are you so judgemental??

And childcare isn't just about looking after children while parents work.

Good childcare enhances a child's learning and social opportunities. Making friends, experiencing new things.

You sound extremely bitter. I get childcare is ridiculously expensive and how hard it is, but that isn't your sister's fault.

Try having twins or triplets.

Show quote history

Exactly this. It’s been incredibly well proven and documented the importance of the early years. If their family has less income than your then the child has less opportunities therefore affecting their later life. That is a fact. Additional hours for children in poverty makes more difference than you’d believe, there’s not much in this country attempting to close the gap and you’re grudging the very little there is. It’s not all about the parents, yes childcare is fucking extortionate but that’s a separate issue.

NoSquirrels · 12/03/2023 11:18

Ladyrantalot · 12/03/2023 11:14

If you’re so jealous of your SIL then presumably you too can stay at home and claim universal credit.

No I have pride and don’t want other working mums paying for me.

Rude. But hey, you’re entitled to an opinion. Even if it is a bit of an ignorant one.

Runningonjammiedodgers · 12/03/2023 11:19

Ladyrantalot · 12/03/2023 11:14

If you’re so jealous of your SIL then presumably you too can stay at home and claim universal credit.

No I have pride and don’t want other working mums paying for me.

I have pride too. I also have a low income and claim UC because I am not fucking stupid and am not going to turn down help I am legally entitled to just because the Daily Mail thinks I am scum of the earth to have the audacity to be poor.

If your sister's life is so amazing just quit your job and join her. Except you won't because there is a clear financial benefit to you to work.

LuAb76 · 12/03/2023 11:20

Ladyrantalot · 12/03/2023 11:04

But they get that at 4/5 when they start school. We start school early compared to other countries. So it’s not like they’re not getting these opportunities early on is it?

I mean by your ‘begrudging’ logic, anyone should have anything they ask for ever, and anyone who objects is just ‘begrudging’ 🙄

Nobody who has a SAHM needs free nursery hours, that’s the long and short of it for me.

Show quote history

My kids got the 15 free hours when they were eligible & I’m a sahm, I was glad they got the opportunity to
socialise with other kids & I was glad of the break in all honesty. Why should my kids have missed out on that just because I choose not to work?

Original poster
Ladyrantalot · 12/03/2023 11:21

Runningonjammiedodgers · 12/03/2023 11:19

I have pride too. I also have a low income and claim UC because I am not fucking stupid and am not going to turn down help I am legally entitled to just because the Daily Mail thinks I am scum of the earth to have the audacity to be poor.

If your sister's life is so amazing just quit your job and join her. Except you won't because there is a clear financial benefit to you to work.

Show quote history

What financial benefit? I certainly don’t have spare cash. A pension that won’t be worth much in 40 years? I could be dead by then. Yup, makes it all worth it! Waste of life to be honest…

OP posts:
Original poster
Ladyrantalot · 12/03/2023 11:21

LuAb76 · 12/03/2023 11:20

My kids got the 15 free hours when they were eligible & I’m a sahm, I was glad they got the opportunity to
socialise with other kids & I was glad of the break in all honesty. Why should my kids have missed out on that just because I choose not to work?

Show quote history

Why should we pay for them when you don’t? 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
Doggydooda · 12/03/2023 11:22

My daughter is a student and she doesn’t get free nursery hours for her child. I thought it was only free for worker.

Original poster
Ladyrantalot · 12/03/2023 11:22

Good childcare enhances a child's learning and social opportunities. Making friends, experiencing new things.

Theyre nice-to-haves and should only be offered once working people can comfortably afford the nursery they need.

These things are not more essential than working parents being able to pay their bills.

OP posts:
Botw1 · 12/03/2023 11:23

@LuAb76

Why should other people find your choice not to work?

thimblewomble879 · 12/03/2023 11:23

Doggydooda · 12/03/2023 11:22

My daughter is a student and she doesn’t get free nursery hours for her child. I thought it was only free for worker.

She will get free hours once her child is three. It's the same for everyone

Notjustabrunette · 12/03/2023 11:24

Well I wasn’t working for some of the time when my son was getting the 15 hours. However I did spend that time sorting out my cv and upskilling myself. I then managed to get myself a part time job, which is now full time. So, yes I think the 15 hours of free childcare is essential.

EmmaDilemma5 · 12/03/2023 11:24

Ladyrantalot · 12/03/2023 11:14

If you’re so jealous of your SIL then presumably you too can stay at home and claim universal credit.

No I have pride and don’t want other working mums paying for me.

From the sounds of your posts, you could have done with a little more education 😉

Anotherturnipforthebooks · 12/03/2023 11:24

Why should we pay for them when you don’t?

Someone without kids could say this about paying towards free hours for your kids. And they would be as wrong as you are.

Supporting early years education and social development benefits society, we should all support that, regardless of the choices individual parents make.

Botw1 · 12/03/2023 11:25

I don't understand the idea that a 2 person household should be funded by only 1 of those people

Or by a combination of 1 of those people and the govt.

Original poster
Ladyrantalot · 12/03/2023 11:25

Notjustabrunette · 12/03/2023 11:24

Well I wasn’t working for some of the time when my son was getting the 15 hours. However I did spend that time sorting out my cv and upskilling myself. I then managed to get myself a part time job, which is now full time. So, yes I think the 15 hours of free childcare is essential.

She isn’t doing this. She has zero plans to work for at least ‘the next few years’.

If you’re attending training or job centre skills classes then yes I would be in favour of free nursery to cover this time.

OP posts:
Flamingogirl08 · 12/03/2023 11:25

Ladyrantalot · 12/03/2023 11:22

Good childcare enhances a child's learning and social opportunities. Making friends, experiencing new things.

Theyre nice-to-haves and should only be offered once working people can comfortably afford the nursery they need.

These things are not more essential than working parents being able to pay their bills.

I'm was trying to be understanding of your pov but you're actually vile.

Access to early years education should not only be for people who can afford it. All kids deserve it.

Your poor sister having you in her life

Timeforachangeisitnot · 12/03/2023 11:25

Well here’s the thing, OP, in 40 years, if you are still alive, you will have a pension to claim, albeit a meagre one. Your SAH Sister won’t.

But hopefully you will both have well adjusted, socially competent adult children. So that is something to look forward to.

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