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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fucked off about nursery fees

344 replies

Ladyrantalot · 12/03/2023 10:44

So, here we are, DH and I slaving away full time, paying a grand a month for nursery until our ‘free’ hours kicked in after 2 years. Put off having DC2 because we didn’t have the money to have 2 in nursery at once.

By comparison, my sis who doesn’t work and hasn’t since she quit her job on her first maternity leave 4 years ago, also has 30 free hours despite the fact she’s at home, has no intention of working in the next few years and doesn’t need it 🤷🏼‍♀️

AIBU to find the way us full-time-but-just-over-the-threshold workers are treated fucking maddening? We’re mugs aren’t we? And other people have the nerve to tell us we’re ‘lucky to be working’, yeah right.

OP posts:
Coyoacan · 12/03/2023 15:01

We’re fighting over scraps like pigeons outside a chippy

Too true!

MyGreenBedspread · 12/03/2023 15:08

Ladyrantalot · 12/03/2023 13:02

Personal responsibility doesn’t exist on MN. Repeat after me: blame the government. Blame the government. Blame the government.

Show quote history

as opposed to your attitude of blame my sister blame my sister blame my sister

Original poster
Ladyrantalot · 12/03/2023 15:14

MyGreenBedspread · 12/03/2023 15:08

as opposed to your attitude of blame my sister blame my sister blame my sister

Show quote history

I don’t blame my sister. I blame the policies that mean she doesn’t work and gets free childcare she doesn’t need, while I pay enormous $$$ for mine. It isn’t controversial to think that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ladyrantalot · 12/03/2023 15:15

Sleepinatent · 12/03/2023 14:54

I hear you OP. I was reading the budget insights thinking wow we might actually be able to afford to have another. But nope, doesn't look like it'll be of any benefit to us. We're basically one and done because even though our son gets his 30 hours now so our childcare has gone down from £1,200 to £370 (we pay for breakfast and after school club now). Reality is we won't be able to afford £1,200+ AND £370 so still can't afford to have a second child. If I wasn't working I could have had 3 by now.

Yep! Have kids and no money? Here’s some cash. Have kids and some money? We’ll take it off you to give to the former. It’s a joke!

OP posts:
Original poster
Ladyrantalot · 12/03/2023 15:17

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 12/03/2023 13:14

I'd rather pay taxes to support migration here than to support irresponsible Brits having kids in toxic circumstances, if we're talking about future labour needs.

I’m all for the free hours if it is (for example) a disabled kid or a kid under social services who needs to be ‘kept an eye on’.

Not for kids where there are no concerns, mums just too lazy to get a job and wants working mums to fork out for her.

OP posts:
MegaManic · 12/03/2023 15:19

I'm what some would call rolling in it (not really but I'm definitely a lot better off than lots of people). I used my free 15 hours for my kids when they were available - why would I any for something that is provided by the state for free? Also there is fairness in universality for how kids are treated regardless if they are rich or poor and it also doesn't mark people out as different. I also use the NHS and send my kids to state schools. I pay lots of tax so why wouldn't I but even if I paid minimal tax my kids are still entitled to the same as every other kid in terms of basic provision.
I understand your are annoyed re the cost of childcare and why you see it as unfair but the life is unfair! Even if we accept your version that you sister is basically lazy and sits at home all day doing nothing why should her kids education suffer because of it.

Pubesofsoberness · 12/03/2023 15:19

Ladyrantalot · 12/03/2023 15:17

I’m all for the free hours if it is (for example) a disabled kid or a kid under social services who needs to be ‘kept an eye on’.

Not for kids where there are no concerns, mums just too lazy to get a job and wants working mums to fork out for her.

Show quote history

Tough, I don't particularly want to be paying out for you to have 30 hours free funding .

Runningonjammiedodgers · 12/03/2023 15:20

Sleepinatent · 12/03/2023 14:54

I hear you OP. I was reading the budget insights thinking wow we might actually be able to afford to have another. But nope, doesn't look like it'll be of any benefit to us. We're basically one and done because even though our son gets his 30 hours now so our childcare has gone down from £1,200 to £370 (we pay for breakfast and after school club now). Reality is we won't be able to afford £1,200+ AND £370 so still can't afford to have a second child. If I wasn't working I could have had 3 by now.

Genuinely curious as to what you mean. Not working as in you could afford to live on one salary? Or not working the assumption being that you get more in benefits than you do in work? Would you have considered being a stay at home mum to have had more children without childcare costs?

MyGreenBedspread · 12/03/2023 15:21

Ladyrantalot · 12/03/2023 15:14

I don’t blame my sister. I blame the policies that mean she doesn’t work and gets free childcare she doesn’t need, while I pay enormous $$$ for mine. It isn’t controversial to think that.

Show quote history

The policies… made by the government… so you blame the government.

Why shouldn’t you pay? Who else do you expect to pay for your child care? You already have it subsidised by higher earners/richer people/people without children.

Do you actually think that if stay at home mums children didn’t have access to free early years education then it would be made cheaper for you?!

LuAb76 · 12/03/2023 15:26

MyGreenBedspread · 12/03/2023 15:21

The policies… made by the government… so you blame the government.

Why shouldn’t you pay? Who else do you expect to pay for your child care? You already have it subsidised by higher earners/richer people/people without children.

Do you actually think that if stay at home mums children didn’t have access to free early years education then it would be made cheaper for you?!

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Hear hear

TicklishSmile · 12/03/2023 15:27

Not really the point but I’ll be paying nearly a grand a month in nursery fees AFTER the 30 funded hours kick in! (Both parents working full-time.) Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to have some help, but it’s still pretty unaffordable.

whatkatydid2013 · 12/03/2023 15:32

I don’t get the resentment for other children getting something. The children of non working parents who are on low incomes get nursery hours to help them. It’s not done for their parents. You think you are resentful about something being given to your sister but really you are resentful about something being given to your niece or nephew. Your kids haven’t contributed anything to society that your sisters kids haven’t and they are no more (or less) entitled to help from the state.

cadburyegg · 12/03/2023 15:33

I’m all for the free hours if it is (for example) a disabled kid or a kid under social services who needs to be ‘kept an eye on’

Not for kids where there are no concerns, mums just too lazy to get a job and wants working mums to fork out for her.

It's cheaper and easier for the taxpayer to give the 15 hours free to every 3 year old rather than to means test it for situations you describe. Because who is going to decide who gets it and who doesn't? There would have to be another layer of admin behind this. Which would involve paying someone else...

Also not sure why your focus is so much on the women in this situation. "Working mums" not taxpayers in general, forking out for your sister, not for her family...

FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks · 12/03/2023 15:34

Ladyrantalot · 12/03/2023 15:17

I’m all for the free hours if it is (for example) a disabled kid or a kid under social services who needs to be ‘kept an eye on’.

Not for kids where there are no concerns, mums just too lazy to get a job and wants working mums to fork out for her.

Show quote history

“Too lazy to work” = actually stays home to raise her children rather than letting someone else do it and have her kids suffer for her own selfish choices

LuAb76 · 12/03/2023 15:37

Let’s stop entertaining this idiot, she clearly wanted a rant about people on benefits; it must be so exhausting worrying about other people.

IhearyouClemFandango · 12/03/2023 15:45

Where are all the 'SAHM is way harder than any job ever' type posters now then eh? 😁

You only get 15 hrs if you don't work, because the hours are for the kids development not the parents' needs/wants.

Pottedpalm · 12/03/2023 15:50

SoupDragon · 12/03/2023 10:54

I mean, if you want to be judgy and snide about who deserves what, why should anyone get free childcare? If you choose to have children it should come as no surprise you need to pay for childcare or look after them yourself.

I agree

LuAb76 · 12/03/2023 15:52

IhearyouClemFandango · 12/03/2023 15:45

Where are all the 'SAHM is way harder than any job ever' type posters now then eh? 😁

You only get 15 hrs if you don't work, because the hours are for the kids development not the parents' needs/wants.

What? I’m sahm through choice & lifestyles..wtf are you on about?

NoKnit · 12/03/2023 15:52

berksandbeyond · 12/03/2023 11:06

I agree with you OP.

You just need to comfort yourself with the fact your kids will have a better role model (and you’ll have a better pension!

Why is a mother going out to work better role model than a mither who decides to stay at home with her children? That is just ridiculous

Botw1 · 12/03/2023 15:55

@FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks

Did you see my earlier post?

Why do you think her choices are selfish or that her kids are suffering?

Or indeed that you're comments are OK but hers aren't?

Coyoacan · 12/03/2023 15:56

Where are all the 'SAHM is way harder than any job ever'

As someone who worked when my dd was little, I have loads of respect for SAHPs. It is a hard job to do well.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 12/03/2023 15:57

NoKnit · 12/03/2023 15:52

Why is a mother going out to work better role model than a mither who decides to stay at home with her children? That is just ridiculous

Show quote history

Because being a dependent, non-earning adult is not the life most people would want for their offspring.

Pubesofsoberness · 12/03/2023 16:01

Shocker, many people manage to do both over their children's life time. Not many women take time off work when their kids are young and never go back

Hence · 12/03/2023 16:03

You would hate me OP. I was a SAHM for 4 kids and only went back to work when they were all older. I work from home now too.

winningeasy · 12/03/2023 16:04

Ever heard of the phrase 'live and let live'? This is absolutely none of your business

Why are you creating all this negativity around something that does not impact you? Wouldn't all this energy be better ploughed into other things?

That's your niece / nephew, of course they should have the opportunity to socialise, this is why the free hours exist, so every child has the opportunity to do so, very important to do so around 3.

It's quite disturbing how angry you are about this. Let her make her and her husband make their own choices around who works and who does not, and how much their child goes to nursery.

Stay in your own lane fgs