To be fucked off about nursery fees

[Ladyrantalot]

So, here we are, DH and I slaving away full time, paying a grand a month for nursery until our ‘free’ hours kicked in after 2 years. Put off having DC2 because we didn’t have the money to have 2 in nursery at once.

By comparison, my sis who doesn’t work and hasn’t since she quit her job on her first maternity leave 4 years ago, also has 30 free hours despite the fact she’s at home, has no intention of working in the next few years and doesn’t need it 🤷🏼‍♀️

AIBU to find the way us full-time-but-just-over-the-threshold workers are treated fucking maddening? We’re mugs aren’t we? And other people have the nerve to tell us we’re ‘lucky to be working’, yeah right.

Because they don’t need them and aren’t paying for them, other working parents are. It isn’t rocket science is it? If that makes me ‘nasty’ then 🤷🏼‍♀️ who cares

Btw I have one child and my partner and I both work so I'm in the same boat as you but I'm shocked by the pettiness and race the bottom mentality.

Then I suggest you fetch the smelling salts.

So, you do feel entitled to have higher earning people subsidise you? Don’t you feel at least a bit embarrassed that you’re relying on more successful people to help you?

I don’t understand what is so special about you that you should have more monied people subsiding your lifestyle and choice to have a child.

I had my children in the late 80s/early 90s - there was no free childcare available at all then - no childcare vouchers, no UC. I had no family living nearby so we had to pay for EVERY SINGLE HOUR of childcare until our children went to school full-time (and they used to start school in the term of their 5th birthdays so my daughters didn't start until the Easter)

Defence of what!!

I don't work! I did and I will again
I don't get child benefit

You do what's right for your family. Your sister is doing what's right for hers. If she started working full time tomorrow or never worked again it would have no impact on you. Just try and live your own life.
Cost of living is hitting everyone!

The child does need them to be properly socialised and the mum probably does need them because it gives her time to do errands, self care time etc. Just because you are having a hard time it doesn't mean you should wish that other people have a worse time too.

There is a notable deterioration in the skills and abilities in the children coming up to high school now than even 5 years ago; I most definitely blame covid.

My daughter is slightly behind where she should be academically (p3) and I was really concerned - the head teacher explained that her whole cohort are in a similar position. She was in her preschool year when covid happened so missed her transition events and such, and her primary 1 was really disturbed as we were in one of the areas that stayed in level 4 forever. She also had covid 3 times herself(both of us are cat 1 key workers) and had her class closed 3 times due to covid in others.

We all live in a society lets learn to be kinder to one and other and we will all be better off. You will be happier if you don't live like this.

Self care time, how nice for them 🙄 where’s mine? Can I have some cash to do it please? If not I assume you hate me and are very angry and bitter lol

So will her kids but she doesn’t seem to care 🤷‍♀️

Like what? Not wanting people to be funded by other working people when they’re perfectly capable of getting a job? God yes, so unkind. Just nasty in fact.

I didn't have the free hours for mine, it came in when they were too old to benefit. I had bugger all maternity leave. I didn't get KS1 school meals for free.

I don't begrudge women who can access all that now because I'm not bitter. I'm pleased things are available now that I didn't qualify for because it makes things easier for parents and benefits the next generation of children. I'd rather take an altruistic approach.

But sure, sit and fester about how unfair things are and you throw a pity party for yourself while disrespecting your sister.

Such a goady thread and responses. Are you feeling any better yet, OP?

I think you are lucky to get anything. Parenting is the only lifestyle choice where it seems acceptable to expect other people/the government to pay for it for you. 🙄

Or she could just get a job 😂

Are we all just ‘angry and bitter’ about millionaires not paying more tax then? Is anyone objection to the lack of contribution of others just a ‘pity party’?

Yes my DS is in P3 and in the same boat

Preschool education is not just free childcare for parents. It is important for the children

Ah ‘goady’, used by the thread police when something makes them uncomfortable.

Im off to cook a roast but may check back later!

Ain’t that the truth! 🙌🏻 And anyone who objects is ‘nasty and bitter’ lol

I see that you don't really want to hear any responses other than ones that agree with you or validate your opinion and I don't want to get into a drawn out fight with you.

I hope that you get the support that you need to live the life that you want and so do other mums. I'm happy to pay more tax for that. Have a good day.

When I was young, it was very unusual for women to work and men earned enough to support a family of several children.

Now we have people like the OP thinking that any mother who doesn't work outside the home owes her something

I actually feel sorry for you. I can't imagine making myself so miserable and angry about something that has no effect on me.
Take care of yourself op!

In none of your responses have you actually acknowledged the benefit to the child. You are so hung up on the fact that the parent could be benefitting that you seem quite happy to deprive children of something to spite the parents. Your child's free hours are not only funded by other working parents, but also other working individuals who do not have children. Do you not think some of them might begrudge paying for your child's funded hours?

Well that's a bit of a daft thing to say isn't it?

We need people to make this 'lifestyle choice' in order to keep society functioning. There are major economic implications from having an ageing population. We need a steady steam of children in society so we have a steady steam of adults who will pay taxes to cover pensions/public services/health services that older people use. We need nurses/doctors/shop workers/civil servants to staff and run services that older people use.

Children are expensive but society needs people have children, helping in the cost of raising these children encourages people to reproduce and therefore reduces the average age of the population. Which benefits everyone, including those who never had children.

I’m not uncomfortable- your choice to ignore all the benefits to disadvantaged children doesn’t make me uncomfortable. I might feel a bit astonished that you haven’t understood properly that it’s not all about working parents vs SAHPs, if I believed you weren’t on a wind-up (aka goady) but hey, as I said before, ignorant opinions are still opinions. So perhaps you aren’t goady but just ignorant. Either way, whatever. Shame other people also appear to think like you, but again, I’m not surprised.