Page 10 | Guests who never like to join in party games

SebHH · 2023-03-12T08:45:57+00:00

We often gather in the same group for family birthdays/occasions- my husband and me, our 3 fairly grown up children, my mother, my MIL and my SIL. I grew up in a game playing family and always enjoy a game on these occasions; my husband didn’t and probably wouldn’t choose to play a game/certainly wouldn’t initiate one but will join in (maybe with an eye roll) if I suggest one. The difficulty is that my MIL and SIL always opt out- it feels more than their not enjoying these things, I think they worry about looking silly etc…They’ll sit and watch and are generally good humoured but it changes the vibe/makes me feel uncomfortable. It almost makes my feel a bit mean suggesting a game now. My dilemma is… should I not suggest games on these occasions? Or should I go ahead if most of us have fun. A couple of things to add… these occasions are, for the most part, hosted by us- I wouldn’t suggest a game/steer the evening if I were a guest/someone else were hosting. Also the games maybe take half an hour in the course of a whole evening, so for the most part we’re eating/chatting etc Any views welcome!

Isitisit · 12/03/2023 11:48

We’re a game playing family, both board games and charades etc, but when it starts we ask ‘who’s playing?’ and anyone who isn’t generally just goes and does their own thing, no bother.

Stravaig · 12/03/2023 11:49

Put other people's feelings first sometimes.

Well, exactly. Yet somehow OP's idea of fun has ruled the roost for 20 years.

SomePeopleAreJustBloodyStupid · 12/03/2023 11:50

JorisBonson · 12/03/2023 08:49

Organised fun is awful.

I'd rather stay at home than go to someone's house where games are played.

GentlemanJay · 12/03/2023 11:50

coodawoodashooda · 12/03/2023 08:52

I hate organised fun too. I'm a teacher and it stinks of a work activity. I'd not be bothered about other people playing. I do object to being labelled as boring for not joining in though.

This is me.

JorisBonson · 12/03/2023 11:54

SomePeopleAreJustBloodyStupid · 12/03/2023 11:50

I'd rather stay at home than go to someone's house where games are played.

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Ditto. Ex husband's family were organised fun people. One of the reasons he's an ex!

Gwenhwyfar · 12/03/2023 12:03

This is like the episode of the Crown where a tipsy Royal Family completely confuse Mrs Thatcher at Balmoral.
Do you make your guests go hunting as well?

rampagingrobot · 12/03/2023 12:04

Depends on the game. Things like charades are fucking dire, but if it's a decent game that everyone has a chance in, and no-one goes out then it can be good. We've played Pictionary quite a bit in our family. Monopoly or trivial pursuit etc are far too serious.

Games with teams work well, so if you aren't that engaged you can cruise at the back or make the drinks.

It also depends what the alternative is. If people are just watching TV or twatting on their phones then it's something to get people off their screens and engage with each other.

DemelzaandRoss · 12/03/2023 12:05

I hate having to join in with organised games, board games & cards. Immediately I begin to worry that I’ll look stupid.
Luckily I’m not in the slightest competitive either. In fact it’s easier when I lose so I can breathe again & do my own thing.
I always try to join in as I don’t want to be seen as a killjoy. Secretly I hate every moment.

SocksAndTheCity · 12/03/2023 12:05

Devoutspoken · 12/03/2023 11:08

Socksandthecity, I partake in things I'm not crazy about if it's better for the group as a whole, sometimes. It doesn't kill people to move out of their comfort zone occasionally. Put other people's feelings first sometimes.

If I have guests in my home, I like to set the bar for their comfort a bit higher than 'not killing them'.

OnaBegonia · 12/03/2023 12:06

Had to google 'just a minute' sounds fuckin awful.

Thisisformathilda · 12/03/2023 12:06

Hate it, hate it, hate it, forced fun that is no fun.

Auliza · 12/03/2023 12:09

I’ve always been very self conscious and still as an adult I wouldn’t do anything in front of anyone that makes me feel like I’m being looked at. I wouldn’t even park my car yesterday in a small gap (even though I know I could make it) because people were stood by the side and would see me 🥴.
I’m not a wallflower and I’ll loosen up though but it takes a lot of effort (and my stomach twists) but I can hide it very well.

I wouldn’t join in party games at all but I wouldn’t ever feel uncomfortable nor would I expect others not to play them because of me. I’m quite happy to watch and laugh from the side.

Carry on doing what you enjoy, we’re only here once! ☺️

WineCap · 12/03/2023 12:09

It doesn't sound like your MIL or SIL are kicking up a fuss. Just leave them be and play your games.

DemelzaandRoss · 12/03/2023 12:14

@Auliza I totally get that about parking spaces!
The game thing takes the edge off Xmas do’s. Knowing that at some stage the games will crop up. Because everyone else likes them we have them in our home too. Of course I don’t want to spoil other’s peoples fun either. I suppose it’s good that we’re all different!

Ooompaloopa · 12/03/2023 12:15

bussteward · 12/03/2023 09:56

I’d love to read this thread from MIL/SIL perspective!

“It’s DGS/DN 16th birthday tonight and there’s a family get-together, which we’re looking forward to – except for DIL’s insistence on party games. We don’t even mind the games if we’re just allowed to watch, it’s actually fun seeing DGS/DN and DS/DBIL play together, and we’re happy having a glass of wine and applauding. But DIL spends every game twitching and looking in our direction as if to check we’re enjoying it properly. It’s so uncomfortable! How can we get her to relax and enjoy the party instead of staring at us for not doing fun correctly?”

This is the best answer on this thread ….. !

Americano75 · 12/03/2023 12:18

SocksAndTheCity · 12/03/2023 11:02

And in my experience, the people who aren't able to grasp that not everybody enjoys the same things as them and thinks that forcing them into doing those things are a monumental pain in the arse.

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High five!

Ooompaloopa · 12/03/2023 12:22

SebHH · 12/03/2023 09:07

Thanks all for your thoughts, really helpful!
I guess it’s 2 out of 8 of us that don’t enjoy
The sorts of games might be “just a minute” or “one truth two lies” or “who am I?”
My problem today is that it’s my sons b’day (16)- he had a friends party yesterday and we’re having a family dinner tonight; he’s asked for us to play a game… should I privilege him or them?

I thought your DH made it clear he didn’t like it with his eye roll - so you are exaggerating here about the split. Also have you ever asked your DM or other adult children if they like it?

You also seem to be doubling down on your stance after the feedback on this thread (which hasn’t gone the way you had hoped) with the ‘privilege’ language.

That sounds superior / spiteful somehow?

Also the MIL / SIL haven’t complained but you say it’s YOU who is uncomfortable that they don’t join in.

Are you usually quite controlling?

LyndaSnellsSniff · 12/03/2023 12:29

DH's family love board games. Incredibly intense, rule-heavy board games. I cannot take in the rules at all and find it all bewildering and stressful. They also insist on suggesting a game just as I'm thinking of heading to bed, so the games go late into the night.

However, nothing will ever beat the time we all went on holiday together and MIL had carefully planned a 'human gymkhana'. Oh yes. We had to pair up, so one was the horse and the other the rider. She'd set up a series of jumps and we had to gallop around the course leaping over jumps (not forgetting the water jump of course). There was a bridle involved. I was paired with my BIL. It was excruciatingly embarrassing.

Naturally, MIL and FIL did not have to take part and stood on the sidelines with my screaming 1yr old DS who desperately wanted to have a go himself, but couldn't in case he got in the way of the hapless adults pretending to be feckin' horses.

When I think back to it now, I can't actually believe it really happened. But it did

Lemons1571 · 12/03/2023 12:29

Moredarkchocolateplease · 12/03/2023 10:50

This!

The actual idea of a dinner with multiple family members over and above my DH and DC is enough to make me stressed.

We do one a year at Xmas and I worry about it for weeks before hand.

If I had to do party games too?! OMG.

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What is it that worries you for weeks beforehand? My mother was like this and I never understood why. Is it the particular people that are coming for food? The cooking and worrying the food won’t be good enough? Fear of being judged? Genuinely interested.

Ooompaloopa · 12/03/2023 12:31

DeanVolecapeAKAelderberry · 12/03/2023 11:07

Not doing an activity with set rules, or dressing yourself up to illustrate to some cultural stereotype, means you have to do something freeform and uncontrolled in your socialising. That takes imagination, listening skills, a sense of humour, intelligence (emotional and otherwise). Maybe that seems like too much like hard work for some people.

Exactly this.

I always think that people who need to structure and shoe horn in ‘fun’ - fancy dress / games etc don’t have the confidence that their friends and family can go with the flow and bring their own social character and contribute spontaneously in a fun reciprocal way.

It always feels contrived, anxious and controlled to me.

MustardChair · 12/03/2023 12:32

LyndaSnellsSniff · 12/03/2023 12:29

DH's family love board games. Incredibly intense, rule-heavy board games. I cannot take in the rules at all and find it all bewildering and stressful. They also insist on suggesting a game just as I'm thinking of heading to bed, so the games go late into the night.

However, nothing will ever beat the time we all went on holiday together and MIL had carefully planned a 'human gymkhana'. Oh yes. We had to pair up, so one was the horse and the other the rider. She'd set up a series of jumps and we had to gallop around the course leaping over jumps (not forgetting the water jump of course). There was a bridle involved. I was paired with my BIL. It was excruciatingly embarrassing.

Naturally, MIL and FIL did not have to take part and stood on the sidelines with my screaming 1yr old DS who desperately wanted to have a go himself, but couldn't in case he got in the way of the hapless adults pretending to be feckin' horses.

When I think back to it now, I can't actually believe it really happened. But it did

Literally making you jump through hoops to keep her happy.

Controlling.

The mere thought of it makes me feel queasy!

Ooompaloopa · 12/03/2023 12:35

LyndaSnellsSniff · 12/03/2023 12:29

DH's family love board games. Incredibly intense, rule-heavy board games. I cannot take in the rules at all and find it all bewildering and stressful. They also insist on suggesting a game just as I'm thinking of heading to bed, so the games go late into the night.

However, nothing will ever beat the time we all went on holiday together and MIL had carefully planned a 'human gymkhana'. Oh yes. We had to pair up, so one was the horse and the other the rider. She'd set up a series of jumps and we had to gallop around the course leaping over jumps (not forgetting the water jump of course). There was a bridle involved. I was paired with my BIL. It was excruciatingly embarrassing.

Naturally, MIL and FIL did not have to take part and stood on the sidelines with my screaming 1yr old DS who desperately wanted to have a go himself, but couldn't in case he got in the way of the hapless adults pretending to be feckin' horses.

When I think back to it now, I can't actually believe it really happened. But it did

OMG.

That’s unhinged and sadistic.

Any funny to imagine.

What sort of parents / IL have such controlling powers to influence grown adults to participate in such capers???

bussteward · 12/03/2023 12:36

LyndaSnellsSniff · 12/03/2023 12:29

DH's family love board games. Incredibly intense, rule-heavy board games. I cannot take in the rules at all and find it all bewildering and stressful. They also insist on suggesting a game just as I'm thinking of heading to bed, so the games go late into the night.

However, nothing will ever beat the time we all went on holiday together and MIL had carefully planned a 'human gymkhana'. Oh yes. We had to pair up, so one was the horse and the other the rider. She'd set up a series of jumps and we had to gallop around the course leaping over jumps (not forgetting the water jump of course). There was a bridle involved. I was paired with my BIL. It was excruciatingly embarrassing.

Naturally, MIL and FIL did not have to take part and stood on the sidelines with my screaming 1yr old DS who desperately wanted to have a go himself, but couldn't in case he got in the way of the hapless adults pretending to be feckin' horses.

When I think back to it now, I can't actually believe it really happened. But it did

Oh God, oh GOD I cannot. I had to read this through my fingers. I will wake at 4am with a wave of shame and embarrassment at the second-hand memory, how have you not done murders?

PriamFarrl · 12/03/2023 12:36

coeurnoir · 12/03/2023 10:59

I find that the same language is used, on here, to describe people who don't have children or who don't appreciate loud and feral children.
Would be interesting to see that Venn diagram.

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Oh yes. I’ve noticed that being called a misery/boring/up tight etc is often used about people who object to loud music/loud groups/loud children. It’s interesting isn’t it.

PriamFarrl · 12/03/2023 12:38

Devoutspoken · 12/03/2023 11:08

Socksandthecity, I partake in things I'm not crazy about if it's better for the group as a whole, sometimes. It doesn't kill people to move out of their comfort zone occasionally. Put other people's feelings first sometimes.

Why are there some people who are obsessed with moving other people out of their comfort zone?