Guests who never like to join in party games

[SebHH]

We often gather in the same group for family birthdays/occasions- my husband and me, our 3 fairly grown up children, my mother, my MIL and my SIL. I grew up in a game playing family and always enjoy a game on these occasions; my husband didn’t and probably wouldn’t choose to play a game/certainly wouldn’t initiate one but will join in (maybe with an eye roll) if I suggest one. The difficulty is that my MIL and SIL always opt out- it feels more than their not enjoying these things, I think they worry about looking silly etc…They’ll sit and watch and are generally good humoured but it changes the vibe/makes me feel uncomfortable. It almost makes my feel a bit mean suggesting a game now.
My dilemma is… should I not suggest games on these occasions? Or should I go ahead if most of us have fun. A couple of things to add… these occasions are, for the most part, hosted by us- I wouldn’t suggest a game/steer the evening if I were a guest/someone else were hosting. Also the games maybe take half an hour in the course of a whole evening, so for the most part we’re eating/chatting etc
Any views welcome!

It’s not just as simple as an introverts vs extroverts thing as well.

In my family, the introverts are the ones who prefer the games as we find the group conversations with people talking over each and dominated by extroverts so much more stressful. Games tend to be more focused and opt in/out so more relaxed.

I wouldn’t enjoy it if everyone had to take part in every game or to watch if not involved though.

*talking over each other

I hate games with a passion. I would much rather sit out than be forced to play.

I think you should either give people the option, but genuinely not mind if their option is no, or warn people in advance that you plan to include games and give them a chance to decline the whole evening. If I know that games are happening I definitely wouldn’t come, or would like the opportunity to be allowed to escape and go home at that stage of the evening,

Party games are awful. Either ditch them altogether, or let your more discerning guests know that you'd be more than happy if they want to read a book or watch TV instead of playing.

My memories of 'games' largely involve watching people fighting over tokens, counters and somebody demanding that it goes on for fucking hours because they're ahead, walking off in a huff because one person knew more answers than they did, somebody insisting that the rules were changed to go up snakes as well 'because it's not fair' (fully grown adult, by the way), somebody shouting the catchphrases because they always got overexcited when they'd managed to bully everybody into taking part and generally behaving like grumpy nine year olds.

I hate board games and physical games - it was far more civilised to be gambling at school. We all knew the rules, the dealer had absolute authority, nobody attempted to cheat - it probably focused the minds somewhat to have our dinner money at stake.

There was one exception to the home-based "fun" - the absolute joy of being thrashed at poker & blackjack by an 84 year old with dementia who kept calling me by DP's XW's name and DP by his grandfather's name, but was still a demon with a deck.

I dread my in laws suggesting a game. It ruins my whole day there. Just as I am relaxing and the mingling is going well, bam. Game time. I do always join in, but have sat out a few times. I suspect they think I am a bore.

Likewise, if I'm sitting down at a wedding that's because I'm feeling like fucking sitting down not because I'm waiting for some pissed twat to come and try and get me into a line dancing formation.

And then they go to berate you for your personal preferences with insults such as “misery/boring/up tight”……

I suspect that these types are actually more uncomfortable and awkward than they care to admit and this is why they ‘insist’ you join in - to take the sting out of their own discomfort rather than wishing for you to have some prescribed ‘fun’ as seen through their eyes.

What would happen if everyone refused to go along with this horrific nonsense?

And yes, how have you not done murders!!!!

I find adults playing party games extremely cringeworthy . I love parties, I'm not particularly shy but would rather do (almost!) anything than play a party game.

I agree with teacher PP's who are obliged to organise such things as part of their work; come the holidays, the last thing I wanted was more enforced jollity, but was quite happy to let those who wanted to, go right ahead.
I actually had to stand firm on this one, to my DM's horror, by suggesting that I would decline the invitation altogether, before the point was made. (As she couldn't drive, other arrangements would have been needed to get her there, which gave her serious pause for thought.)
This sounds as if I dislike my family; I certainly don't! But I see them infrequently, and would much rather spend my time chatting and catching up.

My family only play games at Christmas once in a blue moon when we are usually pissed by then 🤣. You are putting a lot of pressure on people to perform for you , when you host you should make your guests comfortable.

@SebHH how many other homes do you go to for social occasions that insist on party games as part of the evening?

Have a think about that.

I can't understand why this is even a question.

Surely the 16yr old only wants those who want to to join in?

You seem to thing that people not joining in is an issue.

It isn't-unless you make it one.

I’m an enthusiastic party game player who married into an equally enthusiastic game playing family, but to be honest the games you’ve mentioned don’t sound that appealing! They sound quite involved and lengthy. If you mean Just a Minute as in the radio 4 game show, then that’s pretty difficult to do and a bit dull, and no wonder they CBA with that at a party when they’re trying to relax! Two truths and a lie or whatever the other one was also sounds a bit boring and long winded. Why not expand your repertoire of games and try to find one they actually enjoy?

@Ooompaloopa I've specifically said I'm not talking about the people complaining about being forced/pressured to play games, I get that. I'm talking about the sweeping negative assumptions made about people who DO enjoy it.

Of course for a 16 year old, a 3 year old won't care if you don't join in. On some occasions you join in cos it means something and you put your feelings on hold for the other person/people as you care about them but a bog standard meet up, no thanks.

Maybe ‘these sweeping negative assumptions’ are others real life lived experience of people they have interacted with - in that they found them less interesting and less socially spontaneous?

Those feelings are likely mutual and I doubt many would express these judgments overtly IRL.

People socialise in different ways and have different comfort zones and how far they are willing to take themselves out of it.

This thread illustrates this clearly - and if you look closely it seems that the party game enthusiast are in the minority.

It’s just expressing a preference and not everyone is compatible which is fine - people just need to live and let live.

@Ooompaloopa

Maybe ‘these sweeping negative assumptions’ are others real life lived experience of people they have interacted with - in that they found them less interesting and less socially spontaneous?

Well that's no better than the people saying those that don't like playing games are miserable and boring, is it.

Almost all the people talking about not liking playing games are referencing people who do, so no I don't think games enthusiasts are in the minority. I think threads like these draw people for whom it is a pet peeve.

Im 'fairly extroverted but forced
fun and games like these wouldn't appeal to me at all.
There's nothing wrong with them not participating.

Human gymkhana is grounds for divorce!!! What the hell?

If they're good humoured about it then carry on as you are. I'm not one for games either, unless my little granddaughter wants me to play then I'm in.

My in-laws love a quiz, which I don't mind. Usually half an hour or so, and they are fun, lovely people so I enjoy it plus im awesome at quizzes. Any physical games are a hard no from me, but I will cheer from the sidelines and keep the drinks topped up.

If everyone is having a good time then what's the problem!

This is an interesting thread.

I have a family member who always seems to bring out games at every meet up. I suspect that she grew up in a household where they did play games all the time (she’s far more middle class than I am). I’m a bit of a sourpuss but I will join in for one game … but if it becomes a series of different games then I’m out.

Games where everyone understands the rules can be fun / okay (depending on how you feel about games) but games where one group are totally up on what to do while the other sit blankly are a bit awkward.

The game really should not last for more than half an hour.

I am a bit late to the conversation so apologies. In my family, I am the one who generally hates playing games. I have absolutely no objection to those who want to play playing, and I happily watch from the sidelines – definitely no sour face or spoiling it for them. However, what I really resent is the suggestion that by not enjoying games and joining in. I am spoiling it for everyone else. I don’t get the idea that everyone needs to enjoy the same thing.

Well that's no better than the people saying those that don't like playing games are miserable and boring, is it.

The point I made was that no one should be “saying” anything to anyone about their personal preferences on how they choose to socialise. People should respect others choices and live and let live. If they have an opinion or judgement on this based on their personal experience then they are of course entitled to it but should keep it to themselves in a social context but fine to muse on an anonymous forum.

I can't abide party games so I'd opt out too. Don't care if others want to play - just don't expect me to join in 🤷🏼‍♀️

I assumed the OP meant prioritise not privilege