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Original poster

To be raging that DH puked on the carpet

291 replies

Willyswaggingfinger · 12/03/2023 01:28

He's not drunk.
He's had a bad stomach all day, lots of loud burping and moaning that he feels ill. Although he felt well enough to eat a nandos at 2pm.
At around midnight he goes to the bathroom and I hear him retching. He comes back to bed and carries on with the loud burping.
At half past midnight he vomits twice on the bedroom carpet on the way to the bathroom.
Im raging because my argument is that if you feel sick you keep a bowl next to you. I've known a grown adult vomit on the carpet.
He says I'm disrespectful and unkind to have a go at him because he's ill.

OP posts:
CrotchetyCrocheting · 12/03/2023 09:26

IWineAndDontDine · 12/03/2023 09:19

If my husband was so gross to me when I was ill for not anticipating throwing up I'd probably reconsider the relationship. Luckily my husband isn't plain nasty

Show quote history

It's not plain nasty to expect a grown up who has just been retching in the bathroom to engage his brain and think oh maybe I'll be sick, I should prepare for that. This wasn't a surprise illness the op makes this clear. I'd be making him clean up his own stink too, I've no time for adults acting like babies.

Branster · 12/03/2023 09:30

Willyswaggingfinger · 12/03/2023 01:42

It is really that hard if you feel sick to go and get a bowl?

Yes it could be. I can't believe you did not look after him whilst he was ill.
Would you not expect him to look after you if you were the one being ill??

DilemmaDelilah · 12/03/2023 09:31

We have a 'just in case' bowl. At the moment this is an old washing up bowl.
I'm another one who doesn't understand why you wouldn't have got him a bowl as you knew he was feeling sick, for 2 reasons:

  1. It's the kind thing to do
  2. It's the sensible thing to do!
OneTC · 12/03/2023 09:35

We have a dedicated puke vessel and the non sick person would always go and fetch it.

I'd be annoyed about cleaning puke up but I wouldn't hold it against the sick person

TequilaNights · 12/03/2023 09:35

I just can't imagine getting upset with someone for being sick anywhere when they were ill, bowl or no bowl, it happens.

inamarina · 12/03/2023 09:36

5128gap · 12/03/2023 08:00

Some of these replies! OP is sleeping in a stinking bedroom with a 5m old because a grown man who had been feeling nauseous for hours didn't have the wits to think 'Hang, on, might be sick at some point...bowl?' Yet SHE was supposed to either anticipate it, or leave her baby alone in the bed to get him a bowl?
And now she isn't entitled to be upset at vomit on a bedroom carpet, which any normal person would be repulsed by; but instead all thoughts should be with the Lord and master because he's 'poorly'. Be kind OP! Your man needs you!

Nothing to do with “Lord and master”.
I just imagine what the replies would be if a woman said her husband was raging at her or lost it because she’d been sick on the carpet…

OneTC · 12/03/2023 09:36

I once had a bucket by the bed and I could feel a vomit coming on so I decided to go to the toilet. Threw up on the wall next to the bedroom door 🫤

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 12/03/2023 09:39

5128gap · 12/03/2023 08:00

Some of these replies! OP is sleeping in a stinking bedroom with a 5m old because a grown man who had been feeling nauseous for hours didn't have the wits to think 'Hang, on, might be sick at some point...bowl?' Yet SHE was supposed to either anticipate it, or leave her baby alone in the bed to get him a bowl?
And now she isn't entitled to be upset at vomit on a bedroom carpet, which any normal person would be repulsed by; but instead all thoughts should be with the Lord and master because he's 'poorly'. Be kind OP! Your man needs you!

So are you constantly a dick to your other half to prove a point? Never do anything nice for them? Never look after them or help them with anything? And why is 'poorly' written like that? Do you not believe he is? Has been slyly sipping vodka all day and brought it on himself?

So weird that you associate being kind to someone as turning into their subservient house wench.

inamarina · 12/03/2023 09:42

CrotchetyCrocheting · 12/03/2023 09:26

It's not plain nasty to expect a grown up who has just been retching in the bathroom to engage his brain and think oh maybe I'll be sick, I should prepare for that. This wasn't a surprise illness the op makes this clear. I'd be making him clean up his own stink too, I've no time for adults acting like babies.

Show quote history

Again, what if a man said “I’d expect her to engage her brain” while his wife was throwing up/ being really unwell?
I would be pretty upset if my husband reacted like that.

CrotchetyCrocheting · 12/03/2023 09:48

inamarina · 12/03/2023 09:42

Again, what if a man said “I’d expect her to engage her brain” while his wife was throwing up/ being really unwell?
I would be pretty upset if my husband reacted like that.

Show quote history

I wouldn't be throwing up all over the carpet in the first place so my husband wouldn't have to react any way. It's not about man or woman, it's about not being a fool and throwing up on the carpet in the first place.

PetitPorpoise · 12/03/2023 09:53

*"So are you constantly a dick to your other half to prove a point? Never do anything nice for them? Never look after them or help them with anything? And why is 'poorly' written like that? Do you not believe he is? Has been slyly sipping vodka all day and brought it on himself?

So weird that you associate being kind to someone as turning into their subservient house wench."*

This basically. A husband and wife being nice to each other isn't unreasonable.

BreviloquentBastard · 12/03/2023 10:00

I'm so glad my husband actually likes me.

I had Norovirus recently and was really poorly, he got me a bowl and made me stay in bed. I was sick in the night and still half asleep and dizzy so partially missed the bowl. He cleaned me and the floor up without losing it or barking orders at me, went and got me a ginger tea, and rubbed my back until I went back to sleep.

I just am so glad he likes me and is kind to me when I'm at my worst and most gross.

PriOn1 · 12/03/2023 10:01

OP, I said your DH was an asshole (only in these specific circumstances because he’s risking your health and that of his baby through his thoughtlessness) and you said he wasn’t one. The fact that you instinctively defended him suggests to me you are not as indifferent as your mind is telling you.

What he did is annoying and thoughtless, but you sound unwell to me, and to many others on the thread. I think you should go and try to get help. If he is a lovely man, then you need to sort out your mental health before making any decisions. I hope you get the help you need.

PriOn1 · 12/03/2023 10:03

And to whoever asked if he was looking after the baby to give OP a rest, seriously? I can never understand how people are so casual about vomiting bugs, especially with babies. I know they can’t always be avoided, but not even trying is just weird.

Sparkletastic · 12/03/2023 10:12

It does sound like a second bout of PND. I understand how hard it is to take action on getting help when you feel numb. Try framing it in your mind as getting the GP appointment for the sake of your little DCs. Don't let a life changing event (parent's separation) happen to them due to your inertia.

TeenLifeMum · 12/03/2023 10:17

I’m surprised by the number of posters who expect ill dh to sort himself out. I can’t imagine a scenario where I wouldn’t go and get a bowl for him. Rummaging in the corner cupboard, touching everything with his germy hands would be a no for me. When sick you just want to be in bed don’t you? I don’t understand why you’d be so uncaring not to get him a bowl and a drink.

My dh isn’t a man child - both work ft and split household chores so it’s not about bothering him it’s just about being kind to someone you love.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 12/03/2023 10:20

PriOn1 · 12/03/2023 10:03

And to whoever asked if he was looking after the baby to give OP a rest, seriously? I can never understand how people are so casual about vomiting bugs, especially with babies. I know they can’t always be avoided, but not even trying is just weird.

Huh? So you want him to move out whenever he's poorly? They've already said they don't have a spare room and it would make much more sense for him to stay confined to the bedroom and OP and baby go on the sofa as presumably they'll want to use that room in the morning without disinfecting it.
So I'm not sure how you think he's being an arsehole by being in his own home?

5128gap · 12/03/2023 10:21

inamarina · 12/03/2023 09:36

Nothing to do with “Lord and master”.
I just imagine what the replies would be if a woman said her husband was raging at her or lost it because she’d been sick on the carpet…

Show quote history

They'd have been mixed, with sympathy and criticism of her in equal measure, depending on the individual posters opinion on whether its reasonable to expect an adult who has felt ill all day to prepare for a vomitting episode. Just as they are on here.
I don't know why people persist with this daft double standards nonsense. There's very few threads where female OPs don't get a tough time. This is a prime example.
Truly, if people can't imagine why the immediate and overriding reaction of someone in the OPs position isn't sympathy with her husband, and set fit to blame HER for not preparing for HIS bodily functions, that's hardly unfairly supporting women is it?
And There is no way a man in the OPs position would be told off by other men for not bringing his wife a bowl. It'll be all 'Aw, mate! That's gross..'.

ElegantlyTouched · 12/03/2023 10:24

I'm not a puker, so the rare times I am sick (4 times in 20 years, one of them due to pregnancy) a sensible plan doesn't spring to mind. When I had noro I.made valiant efforts to make it to the bathroom but once or twice ended up throwing up on carpet. I covered it with towels and cleaned up in the morning when I was feeling up to it. DP's response was that I should have told him and he would have cleaned it. No moaning about me not being able to contain it whatsoever.

Panpig · 12/03/2023 10:27

You sound like you hate him

7eleven · 12/03/2023 10:30

I threw up on the floor once. My husband did nicely say could I have headed for the bathroom a bit sooner, but cleaned it up and made me a cuppa.

if going out for coffee makes you anxious, please see your GP. Living on such high alert is exhausting and horrible for you x

BordoisAgain · 12/03/2023 10:32

I can't imagine anyone being best pleased about having to clean someone else's puke up - especially an adult who was more than capable of getting a bowl for the side of the bed.

But there's no need to be an arsehole about it, no one deliberately sets out to be sick and it's just one of those shitty tasks that fall on you sometimes.

bucketloadofcats · 12/03/2023 10:44

You sound like you hate him.

I can understand a lack of sympathy with a hammered adult whose illness is entirely self-inflicted. However, you knew he wasn't drunk and was just ill.

If I was living with a friend who that poorly, let alone a partner, and I'd heard them be that sick in the night, I'd have got up to find them something to throw up into as well. Instead, you quietly seethed, probably predicted the vomit but set your DP up to fail by refusing to help him until he'd caused The Big Stink.

I'm generally very good at not causing any mess when I'm sick, but once I woke up with a sudden uncontrollable desire to vomit, and the plastic bag I frantically grabbed in the dark had a hole in it. Sometime these things come on with very little warning, which is the point - generally the body realises there's something bad inside and it needs to get it out before it makes you feel any worse. It's inconvenient when we're sick, but it's rarely intentional.

Given you used to have warm, fuzzy feelings for this man two to three months ago, and you've been diagnosed with PND before, what's the harm in having a chat with your GP about disconnected you feel from your positive emotions? Maybe it's not PND, but wouldn't it be good to have a doctor tell you that, so you can feel more sure about your decision to leave?

Or maybe it is PND, in which case, maybe you can feel love towards your DP again, and you haven't to go to all the hassle of moving out with your kids. That would also be a good outcome.

Whatever the the answer, I think talking to the doctor can only have a good outcome for you. Please do seriously consider it.

inamarina · 12/03/2023 10:51

5128gap · 12/03/2023 10:21

They'd have been mixed, with sympathy and criticism of her in equal measure, depending on the individual posters opinion on whether its reasonable to expect an adult who has felt ill all day to prepare for a vomitting episode. Just as they are on here.
I don't know why people persist with this daft double standards nonsense. There's very few threads where female OPs don't get a tough time. This is a prime example.
Truly, if people can't imagine why the immediate and overriding reaction of someone in the OPs position isn't sympathy with her husband, and set fit to blame HER for not preparing for HIS bodily functions, that's hardly unfairly supporting women is it?
And There is no way a man in the OPs position would be told off by other men for not bringing his wife a bowl. It'll be all 'Aw, mate! That's gross..'.

Show quote history

I’m yet to see a thread on here were the OP said her husband was “raging at her” or “completely lost it” (about anything, really) and anyone replied “well, it’s sort of your fault, you should have behaved differently, I would be raging too if I was him”.
I understand she’s not delighted her husband threw up, I’m sure he isn’t either. But things like that happen.

GothicNight · 12/03/2023 10:52

Railwayroad · 12/03/2023 06:26

‘y’all?’………..Do you live in the Deep South?

why do people write like this??

Show quote history

Well if you must know I am from the deep south and maybe about 10-15% of young Texans speak this way and they are usually the ones that grew up in the country on a farm or something. It's typically 50 year old plus Texans that speak like this regularly. The southern accents and especially ya'll is dying out. Many people just use ya'll as a joke or to be humorous.

There are some weird ones under 30 that force the accent but you can usually tell because it's really strong and they are usually the nutty ones that wear traditional cowboy boots to work or have crazy Texan/southern pride bumper stickers on their car or something. Typically if it's natural it's much softer and WAY more subtle than what you hear on TV.