To be raging that DH puked on the carpet

[Willyswaggingfinger]

He's not drunk.
He's had a bad stomach all day, lots of loud burping and moaning that he feels ill. Although he felt well enough to eat a nandos at 2pm.
At around midnight he goes to the bathroom and I hear him retching. He comes back to bed and carries on with the loud burping.
At half past midnight he vomits twice on the bedroom carpet on the way to the bathroom.
Im raging because my argument is that if you feel sick you keep a bowl next to you. I've known a grown adult vomit on the carpet.
He says I'm disrespectful and unkind to have a go at him because he's ill.

You'd think a sick person would know when they're about to puke and take action beforehand. I thought so too until about a year ago I got really sick. I'd been puking all day and felt better afterwards so I thought oh good, it's all out now and I can relax. About half an hour later, out of absolutely nowhere, I just spewed about a litre of vomit all over the floor where I was sitting. I honestly didn't even know it was coming. Usually you know when you are about to and can run to the loo and get yourself positioned, but in this case there was absolutely no warning. It just came out like a burst dam. No queasiness, heaving, retching, etc., beforehand, just explosion. So, it happens. Your husband wasn't being a dick. I'm 47, btw. Old enough to know what vomiting feels like. But I'd never experienced anything like this. After it happened, I just sat there shocked trying to process what had just gone on.

The sickness issue is the least of your worries, OP.
Please go and see your doctor. Maybe it will make you feel differently about things, maybe it won't. But it will give you a sense of perspective. It doesn't matter if you thought you were worse with your last child, just go

Ewww. Haven’t read the whole thread but 24 hours of baking soda will kill that smell (do a clean up, then let the soda sit in a nice thick layer).

Op, your husband can express to you how concerned he is for you, he may not express how hard it is for him too see you feeling this way. Your children can’t express either of those things.
Please speak to your GP. You don’t have anything to lose by doing so. They may well agree with you that it is not worth doing anything about. But they may have suggestions for you. If they do and you can feel things again then it will make either being with your husband, or dealing with separation and divorce easier long term.

PEOPLE! there's a bigger problem here which is that the OP appears to have PND and isn't seeking treatment...

She admitted it herself saying that it's not as bad this time round and some days she can pull herself out of it but feels numb towards her husband. This started two or three months ago and she's willing to just let him walk away as she won't seek treatment.

Can we talk about this?

Ha! ^🤣

Yes get your down bowl or I WILL shout at you. Unkind or not. You can damn well clean it up too!

@Magenta82
Move on and quit being judgmental.
It's not cute.
Or even remotely necessary.

Do you never do things for each other? Not even when you’re ill? You sound a bit uncaring and lacking in empathy to be honest. Sometimes you can vomit very suddenly. It’s horrible to be the person vomiting. Your poor DH. YABU

Ah sorry OP, didn’t RTFT, so I was a bit harsh, apologies. Sorry you’re feeling the way you are, you should go and see your GP. It can still be PND even if you don’t feel as bad as last time. I still think you should’ve got him a bowl though!

So if he'd puked on the floor on the way to get a bowl that wod have been OK? Well you stood on principle and here you are.

You should bevlooking after him v a bit if he is ill.ypu know, in sickness and in health, and all that

Gosh I wouldn't be mad at him. I would have got him a bowl and made sure he was OK.

You say he's not a child but then you took over cleaning because he wasn't doing it right... To me that's more treating him like a child.

Why didn't you get him a bowl? He's ill he wouldn't have thought about it.
Carpets clean, get up and clean it, you're not ill.

I think YABU.

You both sound ill in different ways. Not unreasonable to be annoyed initially about him being sick on the carpet, but completely abnormal to continue to be so unkind and cold about it. You very much sound like you are depressed and anxious and are dealing with it by becoming emotionally detached, because you feel you can’t cope with any more responsibility, pressure or unexpected events. It may be a way of enabling you to function day to day, but it is certainly not a sign of mental wellness! Don’t keep trying to push him out before you have sought a bit of help for yourself.

Fully agree with this. I wonder if all those people pointing out that he had a Nando’s at 2 pm ever had a stomach bug and have any idea of how suddenly it can hit you?

To be sick twice before he even made it to the toilet is pretty dramatic. It would not all have been contained in any bowl he managed to acquire, anyway, so you would probably be on here being angry with him for puking down the outside of the bowl, the side of the bed and on the carpet, instead, if he had got a bucket. It is not fair to expect someone that ill to clean up their own vomit, either, imvho.

Only on Mumsnet would a wife not help her husband when he is ill.

Might be worth asking yourself how you might have reacted before you stopped having any feelings towards your dh? Can you remember how you might have reacted in the past?

Do you love him?

If he had been drunk, I’d have lost it totally.

However, he is ill and was perhaps not thinking coherently or feeling too crap to go and get a bowl. I think I’d have cut him some slack here. Actually, if it was my DH I would have given him a bowl myself in anticipation.

I’d be annoyed too tbh, I certainly wouldn’t clean up anyone else’s vomit & definitely not an adult. Tell him he made the mess & the stink so he must arrange for carpet to be cleaned immediately. You can hire a rug doctor from argos & some dry cleaners so no excuse. Revolting so yanbu

I would have been really hurt at being told off for being sick. I'm sort of laughing at people who think they would be able to hold it back and politely tootle to the loo. Clearly you've never had norovirus spring on you before where it bursts out of you like a pressure washer.

Let's face it, sometimes you don't have much warning. Sometimes you can feel nauseous all day but not actually be sick and it takes you by surprise. Either way, being sick isn't nice.

Inside I would feel a mixture of annoyed that it happened but also worried about DH. I know he would help me and I, of course, would help him.

The PND is going to destroy your relationship in the long run. Don't throw that away just because right now you feel numb. Hopefully you won't always. For the sake of your kids.

About a year ago, I’d have agreed with you. Then I had norovirus before Christmas and it felt like it came from nowhere. I was waiting for a scan at the hospital and had just had lunch. Felt fine. The doctor came to get me and we were in the lift when I suddenly felt queasy. I didn’t make the toilet and spewed everywhere. It was so bizarre and embarrassing!

I have sympathy for him.

OP isn’t exactly being unreasonable but if my DH said he was feeling sick I would try to help him. The very least I would do would be fetch him a bucket and some water and he would do the same for me.

If my husband was so gross to me when I was ill for not anticipating throwing up I'd probably reconsider the relationship. Luckily my husband isn't plain nasty