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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be raging that DH puked on the carpet

291 replies

Willyswaggingfinger · 12/03/2023 01:28

He's not drunk.
He's had a bad stomach all day, lots of loud burping and moaning that he feels ill. Although he felt well enough to eat a nandos at 2pm.
At around midnight he goes to the bathroom and I hear him retching. He comes back to bed and carries on with the loud burping.
At half past midnight he vomits twice on the bedroom carpet on the way to the bathroom.
Im raging because my argument is that if you feel sick you keep a bowl next to you. I've known a grown adult vomit on the carpet.
He says I'm disrespectful and unkind to have a go at him because he's ill.

OP posts:
Justalittlebitduckling · 12/03/2023 08:00

DH and I would get a bucket for each other in this circumstance.

berksandbeyond · 12/03/2023 08:02

I’m glad my husband was nicer than you are when I was throwing up 4 times a day when I was pregnant!

Norriscolesbag · 12/03/2023 08:03

I don’t agree with other posters- this is gross and I’d be really annoyed too. His behaviour is like a child’s in all honesty.

NellePorter · 12/03/2023 08:03

OP, please talk to someone about how you're feeling Flowers

Also, to the PP who suggested it, nobody should hold vomit down until they get to the bathroom. It can cause choking, and ultimately, death.

mrshenny · 12/03/2023 08:05

I think you are being unkind, he's your spouse. He might be an adult but maybe he assumed that he would reach the bathroom on time and unfortunately that's not the case. I would have got him a bowl and some water and let him rest. My husband does everything he can for me when I'm sick, he's never actually been sick that I know of so I've never had to, but I would do the same for him!

pd339 · 12/03/2023 08:06

My partner and I look after each other when they're ill - seems to me one of the most basic things you would do for someone you're supposed to love.

Wombatbum · 12/03/2023 08:06

bizzywiththefizzy · 12/03/2023 01:51

Just a quick question 😁does everyone have a special sick bowl that only comes out when someone feels sick or shock horror use the cake mixing bowl ?😮

We have a special pink bucket 😂

CanofCant · 12/03/2023 08:06

Snoken · 12/03/2023 05:51

I think he should have sorted himself out. He had been feeling sick for 10 hours, still had a Nandos, had kept you all up by belching loudly in bed, been up retching in the bathroom. He had ample opportunity to prepare for the night. You should not feel like this one was on you to sort. You had presumably been looking after your baby all day and were focused on trying to prevent her from waking up.

This. He sounds gross. I'm guessing you have been left with the lion share of parenting etc and this is why you can't stand him?

Why did he think a Nandos would be a good idea if he was already feeling ill?

You say he's right as rain now, is he apologetic and trying to clean the carpet properly instead of making things worse? Or looking after the baby so you can catch up on sleep?

I don't think YABU, you're obviously judging him on past actions that we are unaware of.

Wombatbum · 12/03/2023 08:06

I also think you are being a bit mean OP. He’s not puked on the carpet on purpose 🙄

daimtheman · 12/03/2023 08:07

@Willyswaggingfinger it really does sound like you need some support. Depression and PND doesn't always look like someone in the pits of despair, withdrawal and indifference and a loss of interest are signs of PND too.

If you relationship was previously good.
If you didn't feel this way about him before and nothing has changed with him.
Is he giving you enough support with the baby?

Don't let this all blow up even more, get some MH support.

As for the puking, I get it's fucking annoying especially when he couldn't even clean it up properly but I'd give him the benefit of the doubt that he just couldn't make it in time. Surely that's happened to most of us with noro or food poisoning.

OdeToBarney · 12/03/2023 08:07

YANBU OP. He felt ill all day, ate a Nandos, still felt ill and at no point did he think it might be sensible to get a sick bowl? He's acting like a child.

When we all had noro recently, DD went down first, then me, then DH. I had it the worst of all of us and guess who did the grunt work, including a hospital trip when DD was dehydrated after throwing up all night myself? I have no time for this man-child behaviour and make that patently clear to my DH.

Lolacat1234 · 12/03/2023 08:08

He should have had a bowl with him the whole time, but also he could've been sick on the stairs on the way to get the bowl so you probably should have just gone and got it for him!

Bigmirrorssmallrooms · 12/03/2023 08:09

I think you need to speak to your doctor. You come across as cold and hard. Which will be down to the indifference you currently feel.

I don’t understand why you’re refusing, is there no small part of you that thinks I can’t treat people like this and as much as it doesn’t bother me that I do, it’s not fair on him? Is there really no small part of you that cares if your marriage ends, not even logically?

TolkiensFallow · 12/03/2023 08:10

So, he’s clearly feeling horribly unwell. He has accidentally thrown up on the carpet and you think he’s out of order? it’s vile but he hasn’t deliberately done this and he’s clearly not well. this is a very odd reaction to someone that you love being unwell. Do you not look after each other?

ShepherdMoons · 12/03/2023 08:12

I think YABU, he's ill. It's not deliberate or a result of his drunken debauchery. Anyone can feel so ill that they are sick without notice. Have some sympathy. You seem really uptight.

BellePeppa · 12/03/2023 08:14

Gosh yes, always keep a bowl close by if you feel sick. All adults should know this! I feel for you as I have a permanent stain on my carpet but that was from my child vomiting suddenly when younger so no anger only sympathy for them, but an adult who already feels sick should be better prepared.

liveforsummer · 12/03/2023 08:16

but instead all thoughts should be with the Lord and master because he's 'poorly'. Be kind OP! Your man needs you!

That's not really what people are saying. Just I'd someone in a household is feeling poorly it's nice to help them. I'm a single parent so no partner to do it but dd would get me a bowl if I felt sick

butterfliedtwo · 12/03/2023 08:17

ShimmeringShirts · 12/03/2023 06:01

I’m struggling to understand why anyone would be angry at someone vomiting regardless of where they’ve done it. He’s sick, he didn’t make it to the bathroom in time, show some compassion Confused

She wants him gone, and he definitely should. For his own sake.

inamarina · 12/03/2023 08:17

Willyswaggingfinger · 12/03/2023 01:36

Because he's not my child. I would assume if an adult needed a bowl they would get one themselves.

Show quote history

I would get my husband a bowl/ bucket in this case, not because he’s “my child”, but because he’s clearly unwell.
I’m sure he would do the same for me instead of getting all grumpy.

liveforsummer · 12/03/2023 08:18

OdeToBarney · 12/03/2023 08:07

YANBU OP. He felt ill all day, ate a Nandos, still felt ill and at no point did he think it might be sensible to get a sick bowl? He's acting like a child.

When we all had noro recently, DD went down first, then me, then DH. I had it the worst of all of us and guess who did the grunt work, including a hospital trip when DD was dehydrated after throwing up all night myself? I have no time for this man-child behaviour and make that patently clear to my DH.

That's quite contradictory?! You don't tolerate it but clearly did in your example

WinterMusings · 12/03/2023 08:19

@Willyswaggingfinger

Hes a dick for not getting himself a bin/bucket/bowl on the way to bed!

However, I would have taken one to him, because no matter what I thought about him, I wouldn't want vomit on the carpet.

YOU NEED to see the GP urgently, PND is nasty!!! Once you're well again you will seriously regret splitting up with him. He's a lively (if sometimes stupid!) man who clearly loves you & has been trying to help you get HELP for the PND.

lots of women get PND & need help to get over it.

SEE YOUR GP for yours, his & your baby's sake!!

BellePeppa · 12/03/2023 08:20

Willyswaggingfinger · 12/03/2023 01:36

Because he's not my child. I would assume if an adult needed a bowl they would get one themselves.

Show quote history

That’s a bit mean though 😯

ShippingForecastMeditator · 12/03/2023 08:22

I’m glad you’re not my spouse OP. You know it’s ok to look after someone if they’re unwell, even if they’re an adult? I agree vomit on the bedroom carpet is revolting but I doubt it was something your DH chose to do! You can’t like him very much.

BellePeppa · 12/03/2023 08:23

I’ve got to say that although your husband was momentarily ill you don’t sound well at all. 🙁

Dragonsandcats · 12/03/2023 08:24

I think you need to try and access some support, in case you have PND. It does sound like something is wrong. In fairness to your dh I’m never sick. If I felt sick I’d assume it would pass and I wouldn’t think to get a sickbowl.