To think I’ve made a big mistake at my new job

[Internationalwomendayheadquarters]

Long story short. I started a new job last week. My first day didn’t go well at all due to horrendous traffic home (car crash on motorway- not involving me) and I couldn’t get my kids in time. I panicked and resigned that evening, feeling that I couldn’t commit to a long commute (30+ miles) and a new job that made me feel a long way from my kids.

The next day management called and were incredibly supportive, saying that they wanted to keep me and would do their best to support me. They wanted me to come up with what support measures they could put in place so that I could remain in the job.

A few days later ( and still having not gone back yet at all since that first day) I emailed to suggest leaving an hour earlier and going from 4 down to 3 days a week. All good ideas. Except that I’ve asked to be kept at the same pay for 4 days as for 3. This was an error, right? I feel like I may have shot myself in the foot and that it comes across as greedy.

The business was shut Thurs and Friday as was in Peak District and heavy snow so I haven’t heard back yet. It doesn’t look good, does it?

I’m in an area of skills shortage, and I know they found it hard to recruit.

If it's Nuclear Physicist with a special interest in Russian technology, I could maybe understand it although it's still potentially harming the employment prospects of every other woman genuinely wanting to return to work after having a child - but what other jobs are that desperate, other than Key Stage 4 and 5 STEM?

But there's lots of very niche jobs, and that's probably why people haven't heard of them. If you have a specialism within an already small field, you are likely to find yourself in a competitive position within a job market. There's also shortages in extremely professions, dentists for example.

I'm not sure the OPs offer will be accepted, but I've definitely worked places where it would be seriously considered in light of the difficulty recruiting.

No need to twist the knife in, OP has already said she feels embarrassed.

OP, good luck tomorrow. I don’t think they’ll agree, but you’ll have an end to this week of turmoil.

The Thread Police have arrived. Next we need "Ignore the other posters, OP..."

If you have a specialism within an already small field, you are likely to find yourself in a competitive position within a job market.

People who specialise in a an already small field talk to each other. And if you get a reputation for being unreliable and greedy (pay me four days' work for three days) they'll share that information.

Wow, lots of waggy fingers. For all the self-appointed career coaches here, want to share your own secrets to success?

They asked what it would take to keep her and the OP told them. Now they can take it or leave it.

This is very poor and just after women's day, its reflective on all us women, just makes us all look silly and unprofessional. it shows you being very casual. And not thinking things through. You knew the commute was bad, so why take the job. How did you seriously think this was going to work? Plus the 4 days for, same money, because it's underpaid. Come on! Same, so why take it. You make us women look silly.

If you're now going back to work after a career break please remember that your husband/ partner should also be responsible for picking up from childcare (you said it wasn't a one income family but also said you had no support).

I think you just need to sit it out and see what happens. It's a huge adjustment returning to work and if you go for future jobs you'll need to have a think how you're practically going to juggle it (with commutes, working hours etc) and what your partner can also do.

It's not paying four days for three days work. It's negotiating the salary for three days work.

I admire you for asking. Hopefully they will too.
I would worry that your argument about being too far away from the dc means that you may resign again in a week/ month/year.

For all the self-appointed career coaches here, want to share your own secrets to success?

Integrity, in my case.

Woman are on average paid lower than men, we also tend not to negotiate our salaries as much, under value our skills, are less likely to apply for a job if we don't meet 100% of the job spec (men will apply if they meet half the job spec) and work under the assumption that if we prove our worth we will be rewarded as opposed to knowing our worth and asking for a fair price.

OP resigned, they asked what it would take to keep her and she told them. She shouldn't be going out of her way to desperately impress or accommodate a former employer that she doesn't particularly want to work for. We need to stop people pleasing.

No idea of they will take it but what did she have to loose?

How did you get on today @Internationalwomendayheadquarters?

Right, so here’s an update if anyone is interested.

I was dreading hearing back this morning as I felt as though I had acted badly. Nevertheless, HR called me and they were really lovely.

I can’t drop down to 3 days, as they felt I wouldn’t be able to fulfil my role in that time. They have agreed that I can leave an hour earlier each day if I want to, but I would be paid less if I chose this option.

Essentially, asking for more money did not work, but equally I haven’t ruined my chances there.

Now I’ve got to decide what to do. I either take the job at lower salary for leaving earlier or take the original hours or I hold out for another job nearer home. I’ve got to make a decision by tomorrow morning.

I think that's great, OP. It suggests that this would be a good company to work for. I'd take fewer hours for less money now, and then keep an eye out for something closer to home; that said, if you don't feel ready, you don't feel ready,

They sound reasonable. Good luck making your decision. Realistically, will one hour be sufficient? Will you need an hour later in the morning as well?

Something to consider; leaving an hour earlier every day will mean about half a day a week less pay, but your fuel cost will remain the same. But I’m sure it will greatly improve the situation.

@Manicpixidreamgirl makes a really good point.

If I were in your position, given the fact you've said it's underpaid anyway, plus skills shortage AND the commute, I'd probably try find something closer to home.

Good luck though whatever you decide!

I think given you really want 3 days, then you should probably look for something else

You should be biting their hand off after what you asked them for!

why don’t you take the reduced hours on a trial basis whilst your settle down and possibly sort out childcare arrangements and then increase your hours in a month or so?

And closer to home as you will still feel a long way away. Do you have any local support if the dc becoming unwell and needing collecting or in an emergency school closure. Where is the dc father in all this?

@Internationalwomendayheadquarters I'd take the reduced hours. It fixes your problem.

Good for you! If you don’t ask you don’t get.

I would pass on it.

You're already being underpaid and they want to pay you even less.

I can see you ending up working the extra hour anyway unless you have really strong boundaries with them.

Is it worth one final push and asking to loose an hour each day but keep your pay? As PP said otherwise your fuel costs will be the same but your wages will be lower. I mean if you are not fussed about the job it might be worth asking just to see.

Ultimately though I would hate that commute and you might want to look for something else closer to home. But at least staying in this job a little bit will get your experience up to date and make you more attractive to other employers.