To think I’ve made a big mistake at my new job

[Internationalwomendayheadquarters]

Long story short. I started a new job last week. My first day didn’t go well at all due to horrendous traffic home (car crash on motorway- not involving me) and I couldn’t get my kids in time. I panicked and resigned that evening, feeling that I couldn’t commit to a long commute (30+ miles) and a new job that made me feel a long way from my kids.

The next day management called and were incredibly supportive, saying that they wanted to keep me and would do their best to support me. They wanted me to come up with what support measures they could put in place so that I could remain in the job.

A few days later ( and still having not gone back yet at all since that first day) I emailed to suggest leaving an hour earlier and going from 4 down to 3 days a week. All good ideas. Except that I’ve asked to be kept at the same pay for 4 days as for 3. This was an error, right? I feel like I may have shot myself in the foot and that it comes across as greedy.

The business was shut Thurs and Friday as was in Peak District and heavy snow so I haven’t heard back yet. It doesn’t look good, does it?

I’m in an area of skills shortage, and I know they found it hard to recruit.

I wouldn’t send any further emails. Those are terms you’re willing to return on so that’s that.

⬆️ Seriously? This is what you did? Wow. What were you thinking??

I used to work 10 miles away from home but in rush hour traffic it could easily take 45-60mins to get home. Before having kids it didn't bother me too much but after I had children and had worked 15 years in the job I negotiated family- friendly hours so I started earlier and finished earlier. You do have to prove your worth to get work to "work" for you.

Honestly I've no issue with thought negotiations but think there is something disingenuous about agreeing a salary and then demanding a 20% pay rise on the first week after barely showing up.
They must be absolutely desperate not to have to told you to do one but they'll think less of you for your behaviour regardless.

As a manager I would question your decision making skills, you knew the commute, working hours and salary before you applied.

What area of work is this that is in such a shortage that you can piss all over an employer over a normal length of commute (as in it is the travelling time expected of somebody claiming Universal Credit to travel to work for NMW), and they'll still be begging for you to come back?

If it's Nuclear Physicist with a special interest in Russian technology, I could maybe understand it although it's still potentially harming the employment prospects of every other woman genuinely wanting to return to work after having a child - but what other jobs are that desperate, other than Key Stage 4 and 5 STEM?

As someone who works in recruitment I find this really frustrating. Firstly, when you apply/interview for a job you should be fully aware of the location/commute and ensure it is suitable around your other commitments. Secondly, it’s absolutely fine to negotiate salary but this should be done before starting the job. I appreciate there’s a skills shortage but you did say you won’t even be fully utilising your skills in the role so why would they pay you the same money for less days? Yes, women do need to be more confident in negotiating salaries but in this situation you have really put yourself on the back foot.

They have most likely asked how they can keep you as recruitment can be a lengthy and expensive process for employers and they will make a financial loss if you leave and they have to begin recruitment again.

Based on your responses I think it’s clear you know this role isn’t going to be suitable long term. I think it would be more appropriate to commit to the resignation and find an alternative opportunity. You’ve stated you are experienced in an industry where there’s a skills shortage so you should be in demand and able to find something more local. Unless, that is, that your skills are so niche that there is a lack of demand anywhere closer and therefore you needed this job as much as they needed you?

That's a hell of an attitude.

Like a pp said, it doesn't sound like you are ready to return to work anywhere at the moment OP. These are all excuses to make up for the fact that you are struggling to leave your kids behind iyswim?

@Meredusoleil stick to your guns with the resignation, and at least give your employer the opportunity to contact other people who applied for the job, before they find other roles. Recruitment can be a long* (and potentially tedious), process for the employer and you have just potentially wasted a massive amount of their times - all around something you knew before applying for the job. I do understand though that sometimes you need to experience the reality of a long journey being lengthened and disrupted to grasp how much you cannot accommodate it.

*(As an example - colleague resigned just after Christmas. I'm interviewing for their replacement next week. If the job goes to someone external, we're potentially looking at 3 months notice - so up to about 6 months from the original post holder resigning.)

Just stay home with the kids op @Internationalwomendayheadquarters

Sorry, my mistake. This was meant for the OP @Internationalwomendayheadquarters , apologies @Meredusoleil

@Internationalwomendayheadquarters

yeah…I think they’ll be leaving it

Wow, if I was them, I would accept your resignation as quickly as possible.

You knew your commute and the job description.

You come across as unprofessional, erratic, impulsive, unreliable, demanding and cheeky.

Some many flags for HR. I would want to gone before you get an opportunity to take a claim against the company or some reason in time. There will be no basis for it but it's enivitavle given how much you want everything on your terms.

Your lack of self awareness is extreme.

D'you know what, fair play to you! There's no way that I could be this brave.

The only way the workplace will ever improve is when the balance of power swings from the bosses to us and it's the outliers and the people who are braver than the rest of us who bring about any changes, no matter how slowly!

If the email was basically ‘my ideal scenario would be to leave an hour earlier, and reduce down to three days’, then presumably they’ll just assume you’d know there would be a salary cut for that, and I’d they’re happy with the idea of those hours they will come back with a salary for that? Or did you actually say ‘and I want this at the same salary.’?

Oh sorry, I need to get better at reading, you did ask specifically to be kept at the same pay. Admire your spirit there OP!!

The veterinary industry 😂😂

Bloody hell, Mortimer, you won't be starting the revolution for workers' rights any time soon, will you?🤣

It's the cheeky, daring, brazen, bold people we all SHOULD be more grateful for, as without them there wouldn't be any progress in workers rights and we would all still be working in 19th century conditions!

Looking forward to hearing the outcome.

Never be afraid to ask for all the things.
When your skills are in demand, a company will give you everything you want.

Could you use a train to get to work?

It is quite CF, OP. Sorry.
If they go for it, though, can I get a job there too?

Seriously, though, what about doing more from home? If that’s doable, you’d be cutting down the number of journeys. If 30 miles is far, where is your DP/the children’s father? Surely if it’s an equal partnership, he should be prepared to do a day or two a week, and then you wouldn’t be so worried. For example, could you do 7 - 3, and he do 9 - 5 or something? It’s the arrangement quite a few of my friends/colleagues have.

All presuming they’re jobs that can be done on that basis, obvs.

This is key to me.

I think the honest truth is that the job is underpaid and the first day wasn’t great (not just due to the traffic) and I know I can find something else (again, skills shortage).

I felt I had nothing to lose really.

One of my best work outcomes came when I was feeling so discouraged that I decided I’d had enough and offered my resignation. I told my boss in no uncertain terms what my issues were and how utterly fed up I was. As it turned out they were desperate to keep me. My issues were resolved and I was offered a significant pay rise to stay. This only happened because I felt I had nothing to lose.

You really don’t need to feel silly, there is nothing wrong with taking a punt. The worst thing they can do is say no and you’ve already resigned anyway. Just hang in there and see what they come back with.

If I was your employer I’d gleefully accept your resignation. And if I was your partner I’d be livid.

A bit of traffic in a 30 mile commute being too much on day 1 of the job? Christ alive.

I must admit that I do admire that you’ve requested the same pay for 3 days work as 4 with one days worth of work under your belt. You’ve more front than Blackpool.

If your employer has any sense you’ll be unemployed come tomorrow and I’d urge you to chalk this down to experience, be realistic about what you can commit to and not waste anyone if your time (or anybody else’s!). If you are still employed tomorrow, you must hold onto these incredibly understanding people!