To think I’ve made a big mistake at my new job

[Internationalwomendayheadquarters]

Long story short. I started a new job last week. My first day didn’t go well at all due to horrendous traffic home (car crash on motorway- not involving me) and I couldn’t get my kids in time. I panicked and resigned that evening, feeling that I couldn’t commit to a long commute (30+ miles) and a new job that made me feel a long way from my kids.

The next day management called and were incredibly supportive, saying that they wanted to keep me and would do their best to support me. They wanted me to come up with what support measures they could put in place so that I could remain in the job.

A few days later ( and still having not gone back yet at all since that first day) I emailed to suggest leaving an hour earlier and going from 4 down to 3 days a week. All good ideas. Except that I’ve asked to be kept at the same pay for 4 days as for 3. This was an error, right? I feel like I may have shot myself in the foot and that it comes across as greedy.

The business was shut Thurs and Friday as was in Peak District and heavy snow so I haven’t heard back yet. It doesn’t look good, does it?

I’m in an area of skills shortage, and I know they found it hard to recruit.

That's okay OP... At least you are self aware and have realised it might have come across in a way you didn't originally intend.

They may offer a WFH situation, so try not to beat yourself about it and who knows there may be some way to compromise, or if not possible you can look for something else that suits.

Best Wishes for a good resolution on Monday.

Don’t ask, don’t get. It doesn’t sound like your dream job nor a job you’re clinging on to keep due to said skills shortage, you can easily find another. See what they say! Whatever the answer is, you’ll be grand ❤️

11 months ago I took a job which on a good day, door to door, takes 2 hours each way on the train. I don't drive it because it's likely to end up the same way yours did - at least the trains are (mostly) on time and I get to read/work. I only go in one day a week and that day my DH is on no uncertain terms In Charge and has to manage his diary around doing everything for our DC (neither of whom can get home at 3.30 without us - rural).

It's one of the reasons I resigned last week. The commute was fine for a while, and I do have DH around, but when it goes wrong, it's unbelievably stressful. Fortunately a local job in my field came up so things will be much better.

I'm not sure you've behaved the best of ways but sit tight and see what they say next week.

I never said I'd take it personally?

To me, it shows a lack of commitment, flakiness and issues with organisation. None of those are qualities I'd want in an employee.

I suspect the manager nice because she thought keeping OP on the books would be easier than faffing about recruiting someone else.

OP, chalk it as experience and research the next job better. You know now what’s important and you can also look into alternatives. Childminder to collect the children, for example, or nanny, or working from home with reduced hours etc. Just don’t mess them about again if by some miracle they agree to your requests.

But your suggestion has no relevance to the issue of distance. I’d tell you to fuck off ‘in a professional way’

So even after the conditions you've emailed, even if they accept you're still saying you don't see it working. Why are you wasting their time? You sound majorly unreliable.

I certainly wouldn't retract the ask re salary - you've made the offer so hold tight and see what they come back with. They will either say no, meet in the middle or accept it. You have nothing to lose - don't show a weak hand after you have started the negotiation, this is the time to stay strong and back yourself

So you had ALREADY negotiated the salary before start, you go for one day, decide it's not for you so resigned , then wants the same pay for less days and hours worked ?...

If I was your employer I would send a email stating resignation accepted.

It really depends on what kind of roads the 30 miles are on. I can travel to the next town in one direction, which is 20 miles and it takes 20 minutes. Going in the other direction 15 miles takes 30 minutes.

I don't think they will go for it, but I admire you for the fact you chanced it OP

You’re wasting their time because, even if they quadrupled your salary and only had you work one day a week, you’d still likely occasionally be late to collect your children and you’d still be 30 miles away from them once a week.

People are saying they admire you. I don’t. I think you come across as very flakey.

None if this is the company’s fault, it’s entirely on you.

I would look for something closer to home op

Well, it's certainly a starting point for negotiation! Is there any aspect of the job you can do from home - you could always throw that in the mix to keep the pay the same?

I recently gave my notice to a job that had a similar commute but I worked there 3 years first!!!
Really much happier in a job that has me close to my kids and safer shorter commute
You must be in a v privileged position financially to be able to ditch a job so hysterically ? Are you ok emotionally? Why didn't you factor commute when accepting the job ?

In parts of the clogged-up uK 30 miles away IS a long commute, because we're talking time and not distance.

Crikey that was some ask! I'm sorry but your actions come across as ABIT unprofessional.

I think, then, and with all sympathy: you might have to grapple more with just how big an adjustment this will be. It's not easy to transition back into work, and you're going to have to make compromises. Things won't always go according to what you want.

You also need to face this new phase of your life with utmost professionalism. If you don't want this job, you don't have to take it. But if you're going to do it, it has to be a commitment.

Your children are still your top priority, of course. But work has to be a priority as well. As a manager, I'd be taken aback by your requests -- not by their substance, but by how quickly you made them. Obviously you have valuable skills. But if one day was enough to put you off, I'd be very worried, as an employer, about what might come next.

I wish you all the best! It's not easy. But it is good, and important.

Wow, you're totally unreasonable and I wouldn't have you back.

If I’d employed you and you resigned on a whim on the first day and then came back with this suggestion I would no way want you to work for me. You come across as erratic and hard work

If I was really struggling to find staff then I’d agree to the same pay, but it would piss me off every time I looked at you. I’d start looking for someone else and get rid of you asap.

In your shoes I'd consider suggesting some time working from home, maybe 50/50, or working one day a week in the office and the rest from home.

Can you take the train to work?

Don't know your field. However, If I was the employer I'd probably accept your resignation. Yes to the reduced hours for life balance to do pick ups. No to the reduction in days as based business service on 4 days not 3. And lastly any reduction is pro rata. Any pay rate should be negotiated before accepting job and contract signed. Presuming you signed contract before/on first day. It's helpful they are nice to ask what would work but your response is pushing it.

I think the better option would have been to ask for reduced hours and wfh for some days to give you flexibility. No harm in asking for a higher salary. You resigned so you are back at the negotiation stage. And yes people are allowed to change their minds if they realise that things are not going to work from them. It's not flaky. You wouldn't have known until you had done it and your didn't make it miserable for yourself pushing yourself to do the commute when you know it wont be manageable for your in the future. You realised the issues and took a swift action. It would have been flaky if you were continuously late and leaving early after accepting the terms and conditions of the job. Instead you resigned straight away. That's good. I like your attitude.