To think I’ve made a big mistake at my new job

[Internationalwomendayheadquarters]

Long story short. I started a new job last week. My first day didn’t go well at all due to horrendous traffic home (car crash on motorway- not involving me) and I couldn’t get my kids in time. I panicked and resigned that evening, feeling that I couldn’t commit to a long commute (30+ miles) and a new job that made me feel a long way from my kids.

The next day management called and were incredibly supportive, saying that they wanted to keep me and would do their best to support me. They wanted me to come up with what support measures they could put in place so that I could remain in the job.

A few days later ( and still having not gone back yet at all since that first day) I emailed to suggest leaving an hour earlier and going from 4 down to 3 days a week. All good ideas. Except that I’ve asked to be kept at the same pay for 4 days as for 3. This was an error, right? I feel like I may have shot myself in the foot and that it comes across as greedy.

The business was shut Thurs and Friday as was in Peak District and heavy snow so I haven’t heard back yet. It doesn’t look good, does it?

I’m in an area of skills shortage, and I know they found it hard to recruit.

You sound a bit of a nightmare employee already and think they will be better off without you.

Presumably you had worked for the company a while though and already 'proved' your worth?

OP sounds like an unprofessional, unreliable flake with potentially an inflated sense of her own worth.

She's also since said she knows the job isn't what she thought it would be (after one day!) and that she won't be comfortable being so far from her kids. So whether she works 4 days or ONE day is irrelevant if that is a major issue. It begs the question why she's wasting everyone's time with these conditions when the impediment to her working there (distance from the kids) will remain regardless.

Sorry OP but I’d be accepting your resignation.

The commute/bad traffic isn’t in your employer’s control or their responsibility. It doesn’t sound like the role for you.

They’ve dodged a bullet.

If you knew it was a 30 mile commute and can regularly take up to 90 minutes why on earth waste everyone’s time accepting the job offer in the first place.

If I was your employer I'd let you go.

I don't think you're a CF at all. You've resigned, they've asked you to reconsider and you've gone back with your offer. They can only say no and as we don't know your financial package with them who's to say they are not underpaying you and aware of that.

If you don't ask you don't get. You've got to make it worth your while so no, I don't think you're a CF at all.

I hate to be harsh, but honestly I think you're taking the piss. And yeah if I was them I'd be regretting hiring.

They clearly aren't though, so see you as valuable. As much as I'm sure you have options, perhaps appreciate how flexible and patient they have been, and whether you'd have this treatment from elsewhere, especially on day one of a new job.

There's a lot to be said for a work environment where you are valued and your employer is patient with issues you have.

Of course your choice if its still not right for you, but at least make the decision and don't piss them around any further.

Well I wouldn't take you back. Presumably you knew the location of the job, and salary, when you accepted the role? You don't sound like someone I could trust to make sensible or considered decisions; it's all snap judgments and then regret.

I don't blame you for asking but given you've worked there for one day, had a panic and quit because you couldn't handle a certain situation, I think it's quite likely they'll say thanks but no thanks.

You haven't really shown them anything positive to date and if a new starter was giving me this much of a headache, I'd be dreading how much hassle they'd be once they got their feet under the table.

30 miles is too much of a commute with kids to balance as well.

How old are your kids? You need a backup plan if they are running late.

What are the skills?

I would send another email clarifying that what you meant was that on the 4th day you work from home so you are only in the office for 3 days

I'm not really following you OP. You keep contradicting yourself. Your original post said you had asked for a reduction in hours on the same pay and you were petrified you had made a mistake as you feared you had been unreasonable and greedy. But in a later post you said you had done this because you were being underpaid on your current salary. So what you did wasn't a mistake but a deliberate attempt to get a pay rise? In which case, why are you worried? However, in subsequent posts you say the pay is not the problem but the commute. In any case, whether it's the pay or the commute you have a problem with, you knew both before you accepted the job. Why didn't you address these issues before taking the job?

I don't think you played this well

You panicked, made a quick decision and then an outrageous request

You should not quit after just one day

I think they will say you're not right for the job

Please learn from this

I don’t mean that you’ve just failed to turn up though, when they’re expecting you.
I mean you haven’t been bothered… you could have carried on working whilst you worked this out together.
I would feel that if we did work this out, there’d just be something else you’d get all stressy over.
If you can’t handle traffic and you can’t handle being 30 miles from your kids, what else can’t you handle?
And although I posted that negotiation on salary when your skills are in demand is fine, I think the fact you’ve thrown it in at the same time actually makes it feel like the commute is just an excuse (I mean, it’s not a surprise, they didn’t move the office). So that would all feel like a pisstake to me, and I’d just feel you’d be unreliable in future too.

I’d be more impressed if you had actually turned up for work this week whilst negotiating.

I have a similar (about 40 mile) commute. I totally understand the feeling of being really far away from my children during the day. After doing it for nearly 7 years, it does get easier. Don’t be put off by a shitty first day, give it
a bit more time!

After initially thinking wtf, I agree with this. You’ve said it’s an area of skills shortage so use it to your advantage-you know your worth.

I totally understand where you’re coming from about the commute too. My dh works 80 miles away, so I work locally..it’s not the same issue now as my kids are adults, but on the odd occasion I had to work out of town (I was also caring for my late dad at the time) the stress it caused me was immense.

Personally, I think you should have given it at least a week and not just one day but there you go. The money suggestion is really cheeky but you never know! Can you work from home for that extra day that you want to drop?
I don't know what your expert skill set is but I don't think the company will see you as very trustworthy. Sorry.

How ridiculous is your demand?

Yes if you can wfh one day a week, fine 4 days a week pay but noone will keep paying you for 4 days a week when you're working just 3 and shorter hours to boot!

You're having a giraffe.

Op - for me personally I couldn’t work 30 miles away from my children because I’d prefer to work much closer. Last year I was looking for a new job and there were plenty over 15 odd miles away - but I didn’t apply as I KNEW I didn’t want to work far.
Why oh why apply for and then accept a job 30 miles away - if you don’t want to work that distance away from your children? Surely you had been there for interviews etc? Granted, interviews usually take place in the middle of the day when the traffic is better, but it doesn’t take a genius to know that a 30 mile drive at rush hour is going to take over an hour?

I think resigning after your first day was a decisive move, but to then try to negotiate less days & hours with the same pay - doesn’t make sense to me, with the fact you had already accepted the job based on the previous conditions?

From everything I have read, I don’t think you are ready to go back to work 3 or 4 days yet. You have been off presumably for a few years looking after your children - going back to work takes a huge adjustment (well it did for me).
Even if they agreed to everything- is that really what you want?

To me I read that you’d prefer to work closer to home, less hours (possibly 2 days) and somewhere that is utilising your skillset (which you don’t believe this job is going to do).

You resigned, so why not stick with this decision? What do you really want? If they agreed to everything, would you be happy with the distance, as from what I read - I don’t think you want the job at all.

Good luck.

Honestly if i'd employed you and you resigned after the first day i'd be looking for your replacement .

Probably the next best person who had been interviewed for the post . That way i'd get 4 days work for for 4 days pay not 3 days !

haha

skills shortage or not- as if they’re gonna pay you for four days work when you’re only doing three

hahahaha

they’ll be pissing themselves laughing at your cheek

There's no way you won't be taking a pay cut and to be honest if I was the boss I'd let you go 🤷‍♀️.
You sound unreliable and unprepared

I can't predict what your employer will say to your request.
But I can say your behaviour seems very impulsive - you've taken a job without fully considering the distance and travel implications; you've resigned on the spot; and then you emailed saying something you now regret.
Slow down, think things through. If you you don't have anyone to talk these major decisions through with, always sleep on them before committing.

Hopefully they will say that they agree to the 3 days in the office and might suggest some accommodation for the 4th day, or offer 3 days on slightly reduced pay.