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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For leaving my friend's 30th early?

333 replies

doritstew · 11/03/2023 17:53

My friend turned 30 today. A group of 15 of us went for lunch at 2 pm. At 4 pm friend had arranged a party bus that drove us around our home town for an hour. At 5 pm the bus was arranged to go to the nearest city. I didn't fancy it. Number 1 - I was tired after lunch (this happens when I eat and drink), 2 my dogs were at home so needed back for them and 3 I don't like the feeling of it taking a while to get home.

Out of 15 of us, only 5 went to the nearest city. The rest of us got off the bus at the same time. Some were pregnant, some just didn't want to go.

My friend is now giving me a hard time as I am her best friend and she thought I should have made the effort. Bearing in mind she never made my 30th as she was on holiday with her boyfriend. I gave her plenty of notice I wouldn't go to the nearest city. And the 10 of us that never went said multiple times that if she stayed local, we would have stayed out.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 11/03/2023 17:55

Sounds like some massive miscommunication and not surprising she's very upset.

It's her birthday and you bailed half way through not for any reason, but because you could not be bothered.

Cornelious2011 · 11/03/2023 17:56

You should've told her before what your plans were.You must've known you'd need to leave early because of the dogs? . I'd be disappointed in you if you were my bf.

Original poster
doritstew · 11/03/2023 17:56

I did. I text her says previously asking if she would mind and she said not at all

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 11/03/2023 17:58

So clearly misunderstanding.

Not going out in the evening must have been disappointing for her.

And clearly the fact that you resent her not being there for your birthday means that I'm not really sure how good friends you actually are.

FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks · 11/03/2023 17:59

Yeah, YABU. You made a poor excuse and really let her down.

Sorry isn’t going to cut it.

TheSnowyOwl · 11/03/2023 18:00

Your birthday is irrelevant.

The excuses you list show you were never going to go as your dogs meant you needed to be home regardless of whether you were tired or not. How much notice did you give her?

Coffeellama · 11/03/2023 18:01

Your excuses are a bit rubbish to be honest.

Pippa12 · 11/03/2023 18:01

I’d be really upset if more than half of my ‘friends’ left my 30th after just a few hours.

My best friend leaving because she was tired? Couldn’t leave the dogs?

I supppsed you shouldn’t have to go if you didn’t want to, but I’d be sad if I was your friend. Perhaps you’re just not as close as you think or your still bitter she wasn’t around for your 30th?

SlashBeef · 11/03/2023 18:03

Your reasons kinda suck and you're obviously salty about her missing your birthday. It's giving frenemy vibes.

Loics · 11/03/2023 18:05

I think it's odd that anyone thins YABU. You told her in advance, she said it was fine, then changed her mind after and decided she was annoyed with you.
A night of drinking doesn't sound fun to me, and I don't have an excuse, I just wouldn't want to go out drinking. I see it from the other side too as I have a few friends who, for various reasons, can't or don't drink, and are sick of the forced exclusion as every birthday, celebration, etc. includes a lot of drinking.

Artemisty · 11/03/2023 18:06

You don't need an excuse other than not wanting to go. You told her beforehand. YANBU

VenusClapTrap · 11/03/2023 18:08

I think for a big birthday like a 30th you should have sucked it up and gone to the city, even if you were tired. The dog thing shows you never had any intention of staying out though. I think you should have sorted someone to deal with them and made the effort.

Bearpawk · 11/03/2023 18:10

I text her says previously asking if she would mind and she said not at all

why don't you just forward this back to her

CantGetNoSleeeeeeep · 11/03/2023 18:11

My best friend did this to me, I was and am still upset by it.

FrenchandSaunders · 11/03/2023 18:12

I presume you’re a similar age? Why are you tired after lunch?!

Oblomov23 · 11/03/2023 18:14

I'd be upset aswell. Your excuses are very weak. But 2-5pm is 3 hours. That's long enough. Out of the original 15, only 5 went past 5pm? Ouch.

Idontevenknow · 11/03/2023 18:15

I'm surprised people think YABU too. I also wouldn't have wanted to go to the nearest city after being out all afternoon. You don't have to go if you don't want to. You told her in advance, you didn't bail at the last minute after making a commitment. I don't see the problem

Emmamoo89 · 11/03/2023 18:15

Yabu

stopringingme · 11/03/2023 18:18

Artemisty · 11/03/2023 18:06

You don't need an excuse other than not wanting to go. You told her beforehand. YANBU

This.

I don't know why you are getting a hard time as you went to her lunch and a bus ride.

She is probably upset as so many people bailed and you are probably the easiest for her to have a go at.

CantAskAnyoneElse · 11/03/2023 18:20

What a emotional roller coaster!

I cringed so hard at the 2/3 of the guests leaving, but when I got to the point her not celibrating your birthday because some boyfriend - after that I was on your side.
She has no right to be angry, considering you did much more than her.

Loics · 11/03/2023 18:21

FrenchandSaunders · 11/03/2023 18:12

I presume you’re a similar age? Why are you tired after lunch?!

Could be various reasons, physical and mental. Could be a one-off after a hard week. I'm around the same age and am autistic, I would be burnt out after an hour on hell on wheels a party bus, never mind the rest.

Robin233 · 11/03/2023 18:21

@Idontevenknow

I'm surprised people think YABU too. I also wouldn't have wanted to go to the nearest city after being out all afternoon. You don't have to go if you don't want to. You told her in advance, you didn't bail at the last minute after making a commitment. I don't see the problem
THIS
An afternoon lunch for 15 over 3 hours sounds just right.
Those that wanted to carry on drinking in the city could do and those that didn't went home
Sounds fine.
You'd already told her you wasn't going
Maybe some of the other 9 hadn't given her notice and ducked out on the day - and she's taking her upset out you

PlateBilledDuckyPerson · 11/03/2023 18:24

I gave her plenty of notice I wouldn't go to the nearest city.

When you say 'plenty' - I think it would have been OK if you'd said before the day that you wouldn't be going on to the city, but it was poor form if you dropped out on the day itself.

COLONoscopy · 11/03/2023 18:25

I smell a reverse.

Anklespraying · 11/03/2023 18:27

It sounds awful. A one hour drive around town on a bus after a boozy lunch?

I'm long past 30 but still, I can't imagine at what age an hour long bus ride around my home town would be an aspiration. Am I out of touch? Do 20 somethings consider an hour long bus ride around town the hight of glamour and cool? I bet the driver had to keep stopping at public toilets.

I would have got off at the first set of traffic lights.

YANBU

The bus ticket purchaser is though.