For leaving my friend's 30th early?

[doritstew]

My friend turned 30 today. A group of 15 of us went for lunch at 2 pm. At 4 pm friend had arranged a party bus that drove us around our home town for an hour. At 5 pm the bus was arranged to go to the nearest city. I didn't fancy it. Number 1 - I was tired after lunch (this happens when I eat and drink), 2 my dogs were at home so needed back for them and 3 I don't like the feeling of it taking a while to get home.

Out of 15 of us, only 5 went to the nearest city. The rest of us got off the bus at the same time. Some were pregnant, some just didn't want to go.

My friend is now giving me a hard time as I am her best friend and she thought I should have made the effort. Bearing in mind she never made my 30th as she was on holiday with her boyfriend. I gave her plenty of notice I wouldn't go to the nearest city. And the 10 of us that never went said multiple times that if she stayed local, we would have stayed out.

AIBU?

Exactly. She went, wished her well, probably gave a present, endured a three-hour session and then preferred to go home.

No one is owed some sort of all-day celebration of a run-of-the-mill birthday. Get back to me when you're 90.

Maybe the birthday gal should take the hint that her expectations were unreasonable.

Lol - 20 mins instead of 10 mins 😂

Whats wrong with that? Assuming thats what you are suggesting?

Exactly this.

After an hour driving around my own town in.a party bus, I'd definitely be ready to bail. You might not be a great friend, but she organised a crap do, so you are both BU.

@latetothefisting

The fact she was on holiday for your thirtieth is irrelevant- presumably holiday was organised before you sorted your birthday- it would be disproportionate for her to cancel a whole holiday just to come for a party, compared to expecting you to stay out for an hour or two longer.

Come off it, the OP's birthday is the same date every year (except 29 February!!!!) She knew when she booked the holiday that she wasn't going to be around for her birthday and she expected her to be ok with that - now she throws a hissy fit over the OP's perceived lack of effort? Really??

Pretty feeble excuses, but if you told in her advance and she said she didn't mind, just fire that back at her.

You told her in advance you weren’t staying out and you didnt. Not sure what her issue is. Her expectations are everyone to be like her and love to party…well people aren’t she’s got to suck that up. You made an effort for a few hours and survived a party bus. For that alone you deserve a medal!

YANBU, friendship goes both ways. It's not like you didn't go to the whole day, you went to the first bit and then there was an obvious break where people left. It sounds like she was upset that she isn't as popular as she thought and that more people aren't the going out type anymore.

If this is what people really feel like no wonder world is such a mess. Who the heck would their best friend to go on a bus tour/stay at the party if the friend was too tired to do so?

For me it depends what was agreed when this was organised. If 15 people said they were up for a whole day session including drinks in the next town then started dropping out a few days before, or worse on the day then that's a bit shit and I can see why she'd feel hurt.

If most of the 10 who left early made it clear from the start they weren't staying then that's fair enough.

YANBU. You as well as many people made it clear in advance you weren't up for going out in the city and you'd be happy to go local. Your friend chose to stick with the plans knowing this

She is clearly stung so few people went out after and is taking it out on you. But you have reached that age where you and your friends start having different levels of comfort in situations. At 36, I'm done with the city nightlife and have zero interest in it, it would basically be an endurance test until I reached a 'reasonable' time to go home. My best friend is a gay man, exact same age, who can still go out clubbing all night. He will absolutely enjoy a night like this for his birthday, with people who want to. We celebrate his birthday with a lovely meal wherever he wants and a few drinks.

You don't have to do anything you don't want to regardless of whose birthday it is.

I've managed more than three hours for most 30th birthdays. Usually they go into the wee hours. But I do enjoy a good party.

I could have stayed out for a few hours if we stayed local - takes me 10 minutes to get home. If I'd of went to the nearest city, it would have taken double that.

20 minutes? That's nothing

I hope this is not a reverse

I don't want to be regretting the things I didn't do when I'm old. Plenty of time left to sit at home with the dogs.

Same here. Though the main factor is that OP told her friend in advance, and her friend said it was fine but has subsequently changed her mind.

Also, a party bus and a "big night out" is a bit a) tacky; and b) juvenile. I had DC when I turned 30 and it's the last thing I'd have had in mind. Though "best friends" are also a bit juvenile...

Since you had told her in advance that you would have to leave early, and did not just 'flake out', you were not U. Either there was some misunderstanding, or she was disappointed because more of the other guests left early than she expected, and she is taking it out on you - which is unfair of her.

If I'd of went

As for this <bangs head on desk>

"If I had gone" is what you're looking for.

I gave her plenty of notice I wouldn't go to the nearest city..

From the OP.

I'm with you OP. I'm an ambivert and love being with people but there is a finite limit on how long I can be sociable for. I dread day/week long events with people who are go go go all the time.

Why can't people just have a nice meal or drinks and be satisfied.

See also;
Hen nights
Weddings
"Girls nights"
Group holidays

YANBU because it sounds dire but I get why she’s upset.

Probably should have organised something less convoluted and demanding though tbh.

Don't be a dick

At 30, you’re old enough to decline the invitation to go somewhere if you simply do not want to. You made the effort and attended the lunch and the hour on the party bus. I don’t believe you should have to come up with ‘excuses.’ Since I stopped going to places that I simply didn’t want to go, my life has got much better.

Why does the friend's upset trump that of the OP re her own 30th?

(On the other hand you're all turning 30 not 90???)