For leaving my friend's 30th early?

[doritstew]

My friend turned 30 today. A group of 15 of us went for lunch at 2 pm. At 4 pm friend had arranged a party bus that drove us around our home town for an hour. At 5 pm the bus was arranged to go to the nearest city. I didn't fancy it. Number 1 - I was tired after lunch (this happens when I eat and drink), 2 my dogs were at home so needed back for them and 3 I don't like the feeling of it taking a while to get home.

Out of 15 of us, only 5 went to the nearest city. The rest of us got off the bus at the same time. Some were pregnant, some just didn't want to go.

My friend is now giving me a hard time as I am her best friend and she thought I should have made the effort. Bearing in mind she never made my 30th as she was on holiday with her boyfriend. I gave her plenty of notice I wouldn't go to the nearest city. And the 10 of us that never went said multiple times that if she stayed local, we would have stayed out.

AIBU?

This. Sounds like my idea of hell. Even at 30
I would have skipped this.

Thanks, but I'm not. Whoever was responsible for the education of that particular person was a dick, though. How can you reach adulthood and be unable to write a sentence in correct English?

A party bus is the saddest thing I've ever heard of!

You have a nice lunch in nice place with good staff, loos, a table for your glass and then...

Get in an MPV, sit in rows in small seats, put your seat belt on and presumably try to drink alcohol without spilling it or your neighbours spilled it on you .

People you know might see you being driven around drinking as if you have staggered out of a party nicking the glasses and annoying the cab driver.

There's so many nice places to go for a drink! Surely no one is desperate enough to get on a bus!

You had to go home for your dogs.yanbu.they come first.🐕

The saddest thing?
Child death?
Migrants dying in the channel?
Earthquake in Turkey?
Cancer?
Child abuse

But yes- you are right - it is party bus!

OP has not defined 'plenty' which is critical to this. If 'plenty' means before the day, fair enough. If 'plenty' means an hour, then no.

I would have gone for my best friend

So friend should organise all her holidays, around her friends birthday on the off chance they are a) having a party and b) require her to be there... Surely nobody actually does this! If I made sure I was never away on any family member or friends birthday I'd be limited to a very few weeks in the year.

You don't even know whether friend was around for ops actual birthday but, for example, it was a Wednesday and op decided she wanted to go out on the Saturday. Should friend have made sure her calendar was clear for a whole fortnight of the month?

Wow, how do you know where op lives and what the weather's like there? It's neither raining nor snowing by me.

@Scyla wow you're really hit up about the party bus aren't you? If that's what she wanted to do for her birthday, what's the problem? (And no, I wouldn't choose to go on one but if someone else does then great). Couldn't call it the saddest thing ever, unless I was maybe a 5 year old and didn't like parties😅.

I think you had a valid reason to go.home for your dogs. You made the effort to go. I.would not expect my friend to attend my birthday if she had a holiday booked. Let that one go.

YANBU at all. I'm really surprised by some of these responses. You told her in advance that you couldn't make the full day.

I wonder if she blames you for so many people going home - did some people maybe think it was okay for them to opt out because they saw you leaving? Not that that's an excuse for her to be nasty, but disappointment makes people behave irrationally sometimes.

I also think she did set herself up for disappointment - lunch, plus an afternoon of drinking, a party bus and more drinks in the nearest city is a big commitment for a birthday - IMO it's not surprising so many people left halfway through 😬

Sorry it's fine if local as it's ten minutes to get home but it's not okay to the city because it's twenty minutes to get home?? That's a ridiculous excuse

Most 30 year olds I know in real life are energetic, fun, love a party, like a drink/night out, enjoy celebrating friends birthdays.
Mumsnet is a strange place.

You’re all adults with your own lives, not teenagers.
A birthday lunch would have been plenty for me too. I think once you’re past your teens or University years, full days out socialising inc. drinking are a thing of the past surely? 🤷🏻‍♀️

I really dislike demanding multi-venue celebrations, so probably would have bailed at the same point as you.

I was on the fence until I read this. 20 minutes to get home is nothing! When you said nearest city, I assumed you were ages away like an hour or two.
Yabu

Bloody hell! 20 minutes to get home instead of 10! I also thought you were talking about a couple of hours to get home from the way you are posting. You are 30 not 80 years.

I would have gone out all night with my best friend for her birthday. No wonder your best friend is upset. It doesn't matter that her idea of celebrating isn't everyone's cup of tea, it was what she wanted to do for her birthday.

I think that part of the issue is the assumption that most friends are just grinning and bearing for the sake of the birthday girl. I actually look forward to an excuse to dress up and let my hair down.

Most 30 year olds I know in real life are energetic, fun, love a party, like a drink/night out, enjoy celebrating friends birthdays.
My experience is a mix of people who aren't into big nights out, people who enjoy lunches and day drinks, people who prefer evening meals and drinks, and people who prefer late nights out. All like their friends and enjoy celebrating in difficult ways.

I'll be honest none of the people I know would find the idea of a party bus around their hometown and a multi-location itinerary much fun. I know a few would have be up for a party day in a local city with lunch, day drinks, meal and evening drinks though.

I dunno. If you're the type that loves a cheeky line of coke (particularly likely on a big bday) then a party bus with banging tunes is probs spot on.

I'm not of that demographic.

So, it taking 20 minutes to get home is enough of a reason for you to bail on her 30th?

Yeah, you’re not a very good friend.

It was just a general comment.

Pedantic much.

Lunch, a party bus and an evening out is quite a long commitment IMO.

Exactly. It's basically the whole day.

As a guest I'd be enthusiastic to do lunch followed by drinks OR dinner/ bars/ club/ whatever in the evening. But not both.

Sounds like the majority of guests from this OP are of a similar mind.

You're a shit friend.