To be annoyed at DD?

[Chocolate245]

Dd18 has had driving lessons for 5/6 months. We have spent over 2 grand for the lessons, so it has been expensive She was meant to do her test at the beginning of April, but her instructor says she is still so nervous and anxious and will definitely not be ready then. I have taken her out a few times and it is clear that she just gets so stressed when driving, but she has had lots of lessons.

The thing is, DD is doing well in other activities including her academics- she has done well to get a Cambridge offer.
However she wants to take a break for a few months from driving whilst exams are going on, so she can get the grades she needs to meet her offer.
however I am worried and annoyed that she is giving up too easily, and I wonder if she will ever drive being so nervous about it. Should I push her to continue?

I am really proud of DD, she has and continues to do so many great things.

Then you should trust her to know her own limits, and you should respect them.

This is a very good point. Cambridge is the worst city for a car that I have ever been to. I wouldn’t drive there again if you paid me.

Ok.

so not annoyed.

worried.

in which case, back off and be guided by her.

Honestly, OP. If you’re that worried about this then maybe you need to see a GP for your anxiety. Her anxiety is far more rational than yours is.

It's her choice, really.

I think that it would be helpful to take her out more than a few times though. Sounds like she needs more opportunities to practice.

Don't push her, let her take a break. She might just need to build her confidence a bit. I failed a few times when I was 17 mostly due to nerves. When I was in my early 20's I did it again in a different city with a different instructor and I felt so much more confident I'd been away to Uni, lived without my parents, got a job etc. I was just more mature and ready for it. If you push her now she will be a wreck and maybe never do it.

Yeah I have to say, you sound the overly anxious one, OP.
Back off and let her be. She'll drive at some point if she wants to.

Should add, passed first go with a few refresher lessons second time around and I am not a nervous driver.

YABU. She gets one attempt at getting into Cambridge. She can have many attempts at passing her driving test. She sounds a very sensible young woman with her priorities right.

She’s coming up to her exams and wants to focus on them rather than driving which she doesn’t enjoy, and makes her anxious. She sounds like a smart young woman who is recognising her own mental health needs and listening to them. But you are annoyed at her and wanting to push her anyway. Listen to her and help her through her exams. People do things in their own time, and you are one lucky parent. YABU

Wow you've got her whole future mapped out. Poor kid

Jeez. Poor girl. Just release one teeny bit of pressure that you can easily do and tell her to stop the driving lessons.

Perhaps she just needs to practice with you sitting with her? Short trips, repeat the same ones.

That's up to her though OP. She's 18, an adult.

It's not up to you. Stop being so pushy.

I passed my test age 34, and it was fine, I took public transport as a young adult!

Christ, the kid is clearly flying in her education and you're bitching at her because she struggles with driving?!

She's being really mature about it, I think, in that she's realised the driving makes her uneasy and it's best to avoid that around her exams, probably as they will make her nervous too.

The poor kid just wants to succeed!

I do hope you haven't been on at her about how much the lessons cost and how disappointed you are that she's not ready for her test! If so, YOU could well be a big part of her driving nerves!

@Clymene she tells me about her plans to get an internship and a job in the specific field she wants to aim for, hence why I am worried as to when she will find the time to drive.

however I think you all are right in saying that I should be guided by her as to when she wants to drive.

Just leave the lessons for now. I paid thousands for my DD and she failed her test multiple times and had to give up due to going to university. I should have pulled the plug sooner. She went back to it at the age of 24 with a different instructor and passed. She paid for her own lessons then.
They will do it when they are ready.

Just to add OP I couldn’t afford driving lessons at 18 and was too busy during uni, and then very nervous driving after uni and hated it. I passed my test at 24 once I was working full time and a bit more settled. Never caused me any issue and I was naturally more confident then so everything clicked into place quite quickly.

What has her academia got to do with it driving is more a coordination gross motor skill? She's 18 and stressed why put more on her. Give her a break.
My daughter learned after uni when the pressure was off ....and not everyone drives.

I would encourage her to keep at it and see it through. I don't see the point in her quitting now when she will only have to return and start it all again at a later date. If she sees it through now and passes her test she can gain more confidence in driving at her own pace but at least will have a licence.

@Justmeandthedog1 I do take her out and keep repeating the same routes. But it isn’t working as she is still reliant on me regarding tricky junctions and passing other cars, and after some initial progress, she seems to be getting more nervous as the initial test date got nearer.

And op o hope you take the feedback to look at your wider approach to your daughter

And possibly even consider that you have anxiety

@InFiveMins That is exactly what I thought. Pass now and she can practice in her own time, without the stress of needing another test. But maybe she just isn’t ready.

Of course she will have time later on or do you expect her to never have any leisure time as an adult. You come over very pushy