To be annoyed at DD?

[Chocolate245]

Dd18 has had driving lessons for 5/6 months. We have spent over 2 grand for the lessons, so it has been expensive She was meant to do her test at the beginning of April, but her instructor says she is still so nervous and anxious and will definitely not be ready then. I have taken her out a few times and it is clear that she just gets so stressed when driving, but she has had lots of lessons.

The thing is, DD is doing well in other activities including her academics- she has done well to get a Cambridge offer.
However she wants to take a break for a few months from driving whilst exams are going on, so she can get the grades she needs to meet her offer.
however I am worried and annoyed that she is giving up too easily, and I wonder if she will ever drive being so nervous about it. Should I push her to continue?

Pressure much? Yabu. Driving is something she can come back to when she's not dealing with everything else! Cut her some slack.

I don’t think it’s at all fair of you to be annoyed.

Many people find driving difficult and stressful. Trying to learn, while doing so much else, is clearly too much for her.

The idea of ‘she’s going to Cambridge so she should be able to drive’ is really quite ridiculous, and makes me wonder how much pressure you put on her.

She's 18 and about to do exams, you pushing her to continue will only stress her out more so yabu.

You sound like my parents. I still can't drive..at 39

I have MH problems and anxiety is one - After doing manual lessons (I was test ready) I switched to an automatic car and did my test in an automatic. A lot less stressful, less to think about and I felt much better - is that an option?

If you can afford it, hypnotherapy will help to deal with the anxiousness. Probably outing but I failed a test multiple multiple times and after one session I learnt a couple of techniques to calm my nerves and I passed and as it was a two part test, I think passed the 2nd bit with no issues.

the hypnotherapy will help too with general test anxiety so will be double benefit.

I think when you put too much pressure. It can affect confidence. Maybe the nerves are due to lack of confidence.

How much does she need to drive? Ie dependent on you? Rural? Or great public transport?

either way… I sure as heck wouldn’t push. Dangerous AND a waste of money.
I would encourage as otherwise wasted effort. But perhaps another instructor.

I’ve got friends who went to Cambridge and can’t drive. You’re being very unfair on her- it’s not at all uncommon to be anxious about driving!

@TheLastChance1 She is learning automatic already, so I thought it would be easier.

But she still struggles with making decisions at times, such as waiting too long before turning right if the oncoming car is far away.

It doesn’t sound like she’s giving up easily, quite the opposite.

Just because you’ve paid for her to try to learn, doesn’t mean you have the right to push her if she’s so nervous.

She has a break to concentrate on exams. Discuss it again afterwards. Maybe she won’t ever drive. There are worse things. Get some perspective here.

I think it will be fine to leave the driving for a bit! It's not worth messing up her exams for. They're more important right now.

But the studying reason doesn’t ring true because how much time does learning to drive take up a week?!

It says how desperate she is not to disappoint you that she’s floundering for an excuse

@Lovelyveg82 we live in an urban area so driving isn’t a necessity, but I’m worried that if she doesn’t learn now, she won’t have the time in the future with internship, job etc.

She's 18
Give her a break

Why are you annoyed?

She can learn to drive anytime! Let her focus on her education for now. She probably won't need a car until after uni and she gets her first job anyway. And it's pointless buying a car if she won't be using it for two years while at uni.
She'll pass her test when she's good and ready but it's really not a priority atm.

Is this a joke? Of course YABU. You want her to jeopardise her place at Cambridge to learn to drive when she’ll have an entire summer after exams to learn to drive and most likely won’t even need to drive whilst she’s a student. Don’t be ridiculous.

Can she cut down on the lesson but go out with you more? So she doesn't loose the confidence or skills she has already got but doesn't feel so pressured?

Let her focus on her exams. Those will be way more important than learning to drive which she can do at any time.

She doesn’t have time now because she’s doing her a levels!

@Lovelyveg82 She is so anxious, that she says that she is always thinking about driving. She is a person who focuses on the next test, whatever that may be. Her driving test was meant to be in April, so she has been always thinking about it. Also I have been taking her out every day in the car, so it has taken time but to no avail as she hasn’t got much better recently.

I'd wonder is your annoyance with her showing and putting her off driving tbh. She's totally right to concentrate on getting her grades for her exams, she can go back to driving after exams, or later, or never,whatever she wants. Her being an adult and all.

Relax. She will find confidence in her own time.

I didn’t learn to drive until gardening leave in my mid 20S. Then one day I’ve decided I need a license I did an intensive course in 1 week and passed the same Friday. She clearly sound like an intelligent lady and she will put her mind to it when she makes up her own mind to why she need to driving license.

Mine was I wanted more freedom when I am travelling in Europe so I can drive to different places!

All they need is the right motivation!

Honestly, if this is how you act with her, it’s no wonder she’s so stressed and nervous.

You need to back off. You sound like you’ve got her life planned out for her. Give her some space. Let her decide.