Mum just barged in to home

[Rookiemama1]

Long story short - I come from a pretty dysfunctional family as in co-dependent bordering on narcissistic. I am mid 20s, getting married next year and have a baby on the way. My mum didn't take to my partner too kindly after we started to get serious (accused him of ruining her life because him and I moved together) and has had to apologise to him for things but there continues to be a very awkward relationship and I feel like we are always dancing on a volcano i.e. if you give them an inch they'll take a mile. I've been to a lot of therapy over it and trying my best to put in boundaries.

My DP and I bought a house together about 30 mins away from my parents last year and with jobs, life, work and now baby on the way I don't go down to my parent's house as much as they would like.

I had invited my mum to my house today for lunch and she said yes and then text earlier to say that she had a sore head and wouldn't be up so that was fine. I work from home anyway and took my lunch hour as normal. She knew I was going to be really busy today outside of my lunch hour as I text her this. My partner had to come home early because of the weather (admittedly took a break to spend some time with him in the bedroom) and whilst we're finishing lets say i hear a 'hello!!' from downstairs - my mum walked in through the back door.

I came down awkwardly and was like eh why did you not tell me you were coming you know I'm working to which she said she didn't have to tell me if i wasn't here she would've just driven on but she made a decision to drive 30 mins to my house out the way without telling me when she knew I was busy. My partner is annoyed too because he's like there's literally no boundaries and she just thinks because its her daughter's house she can pop by any time she wants.

I'm so angry at her just coming in and flicking the kettle on as if this is just her home and then just talking to me as if everything is ok and fine to do.

AIBU to be this upset at this? like I'm on the verge of tears with anger.

Lock your doors.
That will set the boundaries for you.

The most baffling thing is that you invited someone who gave you by the sounds of it a profoundly unpleasant childhood

Keep your doors locked. Or did she have a key and let herself in? If the latter, take steps to ensure she cannot let herself in.

Yes, just keep your doors locked and back garden gate

YANBU. It's fine if she'd have knocked the door and let you answer or not answer but she shouldn't just walk in. She needs to respect your privacy.

It's hard to break a relationship that's so deeply entwined. OP's done well to enforce the distance she has already.

Lock your doors. Or get bolts to put across them from the inside, so that they can’t be opened.

Keep the doors lock or tell her not to call in unannounced. Tbh I'd walk in to my parents house and shout hello (they live 2 hrs from me now so wouldn't really happen) some people don't mind it. If you do mind, say!

Lock your doors!

She could have been a burglar clearing out your house while you were busy upstairs.

But how did she get in your house?

It's a hard relationship to describe it wasn't a 'bad' childhood if that makes sense it was quite privileged but was very conditional around me being golden girl, straight A student, doesn't drink, miss perfect until I wasn't if that makes sense. I have cut her off briefly before but she comes across to the world like a really lovely caring mum but she's detrimentally overprotective and controlling to be brutally honest. Wish I hadn't have bothered inviting her up now but at the same time it was a way too to ensure she didn't cold call on the weekend because I like to chill out with my partner (especially since we've only a few months til baby is here)

Well yes a bit unreasonable given that you had originally invited her. And yes, lock your doors.

What did you do next?
She says she doesn’t need to tell you. You say well it’s pointless you coming all this way if I’m at work. I’m in a meeting in 2 mins and go in your work space and stick headphones on. Ignore her.
In future lock your doors.

The back door wasn't locked but to be fair she just would've knocked until I let her in, both our cars were in the driveway so she knew we were here

Keep your doors locked.

She can knock but you don’t have to let her in. “Sorry, Mum, now is not a good time. Next time, ring first.”

I would be looking to move further away tbh, she will keep pushing your boundaries and could end up ruining the birth and first months of your babys life.

Tell her very firmly that she is never to do this again and keep your doors locked for good measure.

Just lock your door. If she turns up uninvited, don't let her in. If she complains, say you were out/in the bath/on a work call/having sex.

I'd get that boundary firm now, before the bany arrives, otherwise she'll be a bloody nightmare.

You were working. If she knocked you could easily have been too busy to answer.

You're lucky it was just your mum and not some weirdo or burglar.

DP is pissed off at me now because there's no boundaries. Feel like I'm running into a brick wall sometimes because I'm trying my best to put in boundaries.

People who work from home have sex on work time in the middle of the day? 🤣🤣🤣

This would piss me off though, I'm not sure what you can so other than have it out with her.

Flexi time

Text her and make it clear that she’s to let you know/ask before visiting and that she’s not to let herself in. Set a very firm boundary now before the baby’s here! I have a mother like this and it only gets worse unless you nip it in the bud now.