Page 9 | To wonder how big families have time for their DC?

changethenarm · 2023-03-10T14:49:22+00:00

I have a DS, and a DD. I run a tight ship. DS does 1 activity and DD does 2. But even without that, it isn't easy to fit in 1-1 time with them, and giving them my attention equally is a juggle but doable I love kids but having a 3rd would negatively impact the attention and time I have to meet my current childrens needs properly How do people do it with 4+ kids?! Seriously. How? Surely other DC must be missing out?

TheBigWangTheory · 12/03/2023 19:02

namejump · 12/03/2023 18:41

@TheBigWangTheory if you read my post again you will see I was talking about myself I did not compare myself to other 4 children families and I literally said MY circumstances, I don't have an elderly parent and I work very flexibly meaning I am home nearly all the time my kids are at home, so even if I was to not work I could not feasibly give 4 kids the same amount of time as I give 2 now (once they are all at school) because they are out the house the same time I am, because I would be dividing the time at home by 4 not 2.

My point is just that I don't think the SAHP "benefit" automatically justifies a large number of children for the bulk of a child's childhood in terms of time per child, the pre school years are a 1/3 of a childhood and they don't even remember them! So it is a point and a fair one that was made, but I don't think it has that much weight behind it, and I very much agree it is circumstantial. I haven't put hard numbers on any other family but my own.

yeah you could not have missed the point more. It was perfectly obviously a hypothetical, and you didn't understand a word of it!

namejump · 12/03/2023 19:15

@TheBigWangTheory no I got your point, you patronisingly tried to explain how a bigger family could have more time for children than a smaller family if the parents were less busy, groundbreaking stuff really, I never could have realised that without you. My point was just that we can't beat working mums with a stick, try as we might, in this thread because it's not that black and white as that either.

H12345 · 13/03/2023 05:35

I’m 1 of 3 and thankful to this day to come from a bigger family as we are all very close and my children are so well loved by grandparents, aunties, uncles and countless cousins.
I have 3 children and 121 time is something never overly thought about as it just happens so naturally in our household. My kids all get on well so spend time together or with husband and I whatever they want to do.
We have days out as a family or 121 time but I’m lucky as it’s all balanced out my different interest and my children aren’t bitter people thinking one got more then the other.
I find posts like this so interesting as I think it’s trying to start a war between the small families and big and everyone so judgemental.
All I will say on the matter is a LOVE the fact I’ve had 3 children and my kids will always have family around them. We have an amazing life and I wouldn’t change a moment of it.

MrsMikeDrop · 13/03/2023 09:44

They probably don't

alanabennett · 13/03/2023 12:27

H12345 · 13/03/2023 05:35

I’m 1 of 3 and thankful to this day to come from a bigger family as we are all very close and my children are so well loved by grandparents, aunties, uncles and countless cousins.
I have 3 children and 121 time is something never overly thought about as it just happens so naturally in our household. My kids all get on well so spend time together or with husband and I whatever they want to do.
We have days out as a family or 121 time but I’m lucky as it’s all balanced out my different interest and my children aren’t bitter people thinking one got more then the other.
I find posts like this so interesting as I think it’s trying to start a war between the small families and big and everyone so judgemental.
All I will say on the matter is a LOVE the fact I’ve had 3 children and my kids will always have family around them. We have an amazing life and I wouldn’t change a moment of it.

I feel the same way. My three children wouldn't change having their siblings for all the 121 time and money in the world. I rather envy them their little "gang" 😀

I was the younger of two with quite the age gap so I didn't have the same kind of childhood. Now that we are adults, my sibling and I know we can depend on each other. It's priceless.

TheBigWangTheory · 13/03/2023 12:34

namejump · 12/03/2023 19:15

@TheBigWangTheory no I got your point, you patronisingly tried to explain how a bigger family could have more time for children than a smaller family if the parents were less busy, groundbreaking stuff really, I never could have realised that without you. My point was just that we can't beat working mums with a stick, try as we might, in this thread because it's not that black and white as that either.

OBVIOUSLY the point was not to beat working mums, it was to point out that if you aren't beating working mums, why the fuck do you feel ok to beat up parents of more children? You can't have it both ways.
If you are actually so thick as to think effective parenting is just a matter of available time, you have to think that working parents are worse than non working. And since you don;t, you can't actually think that parents of 4 are automatically worse than parents of two.
So why are so many saying they are?