To wonder how big families have time for their DC?

[changethenarm]

I have a DS, and a DD.

I run a tight ship. DS does 1 activity and DD does 2.

But even without that, it isn't easy to fit in 1-1 time with them, and giving them my attention equally is a juggle but doable

I love kids but having a 3rd would negatively impact the attention and time I have to meet my current childrens needs properly

How do people do it with 4+ kids?!

Seriously. How? Surely other DC must be missing out?

In larger families (four or more kids) there is definitely not a situation of the parent facilitating a child "doing activities", with all the driving and waiting. Wanna go swimming? Get the bus and bring your little brothers.

If you take that out of the equation there's a lot more down time for the parents, to just hang with kids.

Sorry just to add, as well as cleaning their own bedrooms my older children also strip their beds weekly and put the clean bedding on and all the children will always put their dishes in the dishwasher and clothes in the laundry basket. I do the cleaning, washing and ironing. The older children will make themselves food if they don't want the evening meal I have cooked and obviously they all sort their own breakfast and lunches unless I am making something for everyone. They are capable of keeping their rooms clean and tidy but I don't ask them to clean the house as I like it done my way and I want them to enjoy life while they're still young and carefree. I don't have an issue with children doing household chores ofcourse, as stated mine do little jobs like dishwasher and bedding.

Very blinkered view, read my post above. I think my kids spend more time with me than lets say 2 kids damily whos children go to school and whos parents work irregular shifts.

I know a family whos in that situation, family time is rare when both mum and dad are ar home they work different hours, one is a doctor doing night shifts other is daytime office worker, their family life is a busy juggle of which one can supervise kids here and there and often need grandparents to take them.

My children do activities. They do dance, football, gymnastics, swimming lessons etc. I'm quite capable of getting my children to these things and I don't want them missing out on doing it because we have a large family.

Err no? I or my husband are present at every activity, too young to use public transport, get driven wherever they need to go, we take photos/videos of them doing their hobbies, other parent staya home with the other kids, even in the cubs and beavers we are only parents who stick around for the hour/1.5hrs its on.

My kids all do, even when the ones at Uni were still at home, activities. Just as any other family.

so many random generalisations on this thread

It’s funny. Any generalisations about only children are jumped on on here and quickly labelled “not in the spirit”.

Yet there’s half dozen pages and the “kids in big families drag themselves up and parent siblings” tropes are still being trotted out.

Same here.. some seriously blinkered views here, as if every family is the same. Maybe they have met one family were the children were left to take care of themselves and project that opinion on every family with 3+ kids but there are parents who are like this with 1 and 2 children as well. Its not how many kids but the parents mentality.

I know someone who has just one child and ever since her child was a baby she makes the most effort to live a child free life,aka leaves the child with grandparents has a social life and goes off to mauritius for weeks leaving the child behind.

It's so strange that people feel the need to do this isn't it. Have one child if you want to or 10 if you want. Why all the judging others and trying to make out you've made the best life choice. A family of 10 can make more time for their children than a family of one and vice versa. Each and every family is different and their priorities and life choices are. I'm not sure how much 1 on 1 time people think children need these days but live and let live. Everyone's experience of a big or small family will be different as everyone's situation and parents are different. People can love being an only child and others can love being from a big family just as much as they can both have disliked either.

But doesn't having to grab a few hours with your dh where you can such an utterly miserable way to live. Or having to book a day off just to have time with your dh? You also admit to having little time m/life outside your family. I don't know why anyone would choose to be spread so thin, sounds miserable. Sorry that's just my take on it which probably is nonsense to others.

You're doing just fine! Never doubt yourself, as long as you and your children are happy that's all that matters.

That's so true, some people really can't think further than what suits their narrative. I know a few parents like that too, a larger number of children certainly doesn't mean less time spent with them or inadequate parenting. I know I am a brilliant Mum, people often tell me but most importantly my children tell me.

Well I only have two kids - but they get no 1-1 time with me, as I’m a single parent who works full time. So it’s not just a large family issue. At the moment it doesn’t seem to be a problem as they enjoy playing together.

This sounds incredibly claustrophobic to me. I am all for one to one time but do your kids properly socialise with anyone else other than each other? Hanging round each other all day, sleeping in bed together; that’s quite unusual.

Maybe it's this but that I don't agree with. Having so many kids, where is the time for you? I can't think of a more miserable life to live than being spread so thin, having no time to spend with your partner or just not running yourself rugged trying to balance everything. I have 2 and that's enough for me.

Ofcourse there is, don't be so ridiculous.
Are all these people bashing large families jealous? Can't understand why else they feel the need to judge and make opinions about people they don't know. Funnily enough a family of 8 can be more devoted and spend more quality time with their children than parents of an only child and vice versa. There's no set rule it just depends on the parents and their priorities. Some really pathetic responses on here.

It sounds like you're doing your best, don't let people on here make you feel bad about your situation. As long as your children are loved, cared for and happy that's what matters most.

I was one of only two siblings and we got very little time on our own with either parent, certainly nothing planned or scheduled. Mostly DS and I were with DM or at school or playing together/doing homework. When DS went off to college and ot was just me at home it was rather dull.

I just don't believe children in larger families get enough attention especially when they are not far apart in age.

@Howabsolutelyfanfuckingtastic thanks so my husband - you have made me feel better!

@Howabsolutelyfanfuckingtastic my husband?? Thanks so much trying to say!

I have three kids, not through choice as two are twins. I would have chosen two so I could give each of them the attention they deserve because that's important to me and I want to be there for them. I am there for my three children but I have to put all my energy into being a good mum to all three. Probably that level of attention isn't completely necessary but that's the relationship I wanted with my kids.

@Howabsolutelyfanfuckingtastic absolute nonsense that 8 kids will have more time. You can't believe that.

But doesn't having to grab a few hours with your dh where you can such an utterly miserable way to live. Or having to book a day off just to have time with your dh? You also admit to having little time m/life outside your family. I don't know why anyone would choose to be spread so thin, sounds miserable. Sorry that's just my take on it which probably is nonsense to others

The thread is about not giving one on one time attention to children in larger families. My reply was to the person who assumed we just breed without thought, addicted to babies and using older children as child carers, which is just judgemental nonsense.

Just the same as your utterly spiteful reply that my life is ‘utterly miserable’. Hardly. Having to work a bit harder to fit in date nights or days out means they are all the more special. And this stage doesn’t last forever. I have an extremely full life full of love, ‘miserable’ it’s not. And as I said in my post, not all of us made a choice to have more than 2-3 children, life is full of surprises.

I would rather have my life than be the sort of sanctimonious arsehole that feels it’s acceptable to start or comment on a thread, making unfounded assumptions about families they know nothing about, criticising them and belittling their lives. Spend your time raising your own children to be better humans.

Well I only have two kids - but they get no 1-1 time with me, as I’m a single parent who works full time. So it’s not just a large family issue. At the moment it doesn’t seem to be a problem as they enjoy playing together.

This is a good point and something lots don't think of too, what if something happens; statistically huge numbers of marriages breakdown, less likely but still possible could be a parent dying or becoming seriously unwell. I'm not going to sanctimoniously sit here and say I only had 2 kids in case of the above situations because it would be a lie and you can't live your life in fear, but, the more kids someone has the more challenging those situations would be.

One thing that did seriously impact my decision to not "roll the dice" again though was the fear of having a child with additional needs, and the impact that would have had on my 2 children, that was on the absolute forefront of my mind when I was internally debating family size and a major reason influencing me not to have another.