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Original poster

Not sure how or if to put this right

525 replies

Smartieshavesomeanswers · 09/03/2023 16:13

A bit of a long one here, and changed n as me so it can’t be linked back to my other posts…
Behind the housing estate where I live is a lovely big field known as the football field, all the local kids head there at the weekend for a kick about and play. It is a proper field though- not a rec or anything.

Anyway me and my boys were there a few weekends ago and there was a woman walking her dog off lead. It stopped for a shit and she carried on walking and didn’t pick it up. I shouted over and told her to pick it up, and she just carried on walking. I headed over and cut her off and told her to go and pick up her dogs mess. She told me she’d go back for it later and to mind my own business and went to walk off. I did at this point block her way (probably a mistake in retrospect) and told her kids were playing and it was disgusting. She replied that it wouldn’t be a problem if my kids stayed on the footpath and it was her field. Anyway I made her pick it up and thought that was the end of it.

anyway we went to go over there at the weekend and there is now electric fence up either side of the path, all properly signed and everything, and I’ve heard on the grapevine my neighbours are furious that the kids can’t play there anymore. Apparently a few have spoken with the lady (she does actually own it-what are the chances?) and she is saying that she felt frightened and intimidated by someone, and now doesn’t want the kids using it any more and is going to move some of her sheep in there once it’s had a ‘rest’ I think this is just an excuse to justify the fence.

she hasn’t mentioned me, but I am worried if it gets out it was me my neighbours will be really angry. Should I find her and apologise? Apparently she just heads round the field once a day with a scooper to tidy it, all my neighbours seem to think she is gods gift even doing this. Was I in the wrong? I really think I have dropped a clanger here, what should I do?

OP posts:
MamaCanYouBuyMeABanana · 09/03/2023 17:25

Smartieshavesomeanswers · 09/03/2023 17:15

I didn’t think she owned it because she didn’t look like a farmer or land owner. How many women in their 60s ambling around with a dog are actually farmers???

I know the farmhouse now and take her a bottle of wine and some flowers and see if I can smooth things over.

theres no where else within walking distance the kids can play football, it’s all woods, or fields of cow or sheep or ploughed so we really need to get it back. I never thought I’d miss the suburbs with a good rec!!

You need to be saying sorry for being an aggressive bully and intimidating her, not to get your own way again.

She has went to the effort of putting the fence up now, I highly doubt she will remove it all again just because you've decided you're sorry (although it's clear you're not sorry for what you did, only the impact its had on you).

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 09/03/2023 17:25

@Smartieshavesomeanswers what do you think a farmer looks like? Genuine question as I'm really curious as to your thinking here!

IhearyouClemFandango · 09/03/2023 17:27

You still don’t think you were wrong do you. Whoever she was you had no right to behave as you did.

I would send her a note, apologising for getting carried away. Say you hadn’t reLised it was her field,but regardless, you shouldn’t have been intimidating and thrown your weight around. You feel passionately about keeping the field nice and got carried away. I wouldn’t go round.

Motnight · 09/03/2023 17:28

Mamamia7962 · 09/03/2023 16:29

The OP didn't intimidate her. She didn't know she owned the field so asked her to clean up after her dog, and just made sure she did. I am a dog owner and I wish more people were like the OP.

Op says she blocked her. Woman says she felt intimidated.

ootb · 09/03/2023 17:29

I wouldn't go round either. I think your new slavish attitude based on your realisation of her status will just irritate her, given that you recently physically made her pick up shit in front of you. Just leave her a nice note and flowers.

ShakespearesBlister · 09/03/2023 17:30

Thing is though if it was my field I would have just told you to fuck off my property and don't come back. The fact she didn't and has now fenced it off to keep you off suggests that she actually did feel bullied and intimidated by you. Not sure entirely how you can fix it. After an experience like that I'd be making sure nobody used my field again regardless if you tracked me down to apologise. I suppose the lesson here is that you don't always know who you're speaking to and perhaps you need think a little more carefully about your own conduct in situations like this in future. It was confrontational and there are channels to go down if you have an issue with dog fowling.

PrincessofWellies · 09/03/2023 17:30

Smartieshavesomeanswers · 09/03/2023 17:15

I didn’t think she owned it because she didn’t look like a farmer or land owner. How many women in their 60s ambling around with a dog are actually farmers???

I know the farmhouse now and take her a bottle of wine and some flowers and see if I can smooth things over.

theres no where else within walking distance the kids can play football, it’s all woods, or fields of cow or sheep or ploughed so we really need to get it back. I never thought I’d miss the suburbs with a good rec!!

I'm a landowner in my 60s. Do tell me how I'm supposed to look? You need to apologise.

Kissedbyfire1 · 09/03/2023 17:30

Still the OP hasn’t explained exactly how she “made” the landowner pick up the poo.

Silverbook · 09/03/2023 17:30

D20 · 09/03/2023 16:29

Oops OP. I doubt she’s going to take the fence down now but I probably would have done the same as you.

What does the field need a rest from though before the sheep go in?

To let the grass grow for the sheep. It's common to give grazing fields a rest.

AlisonDonut · 09/03/2023 17:30

Yes do rock up with a bottle of wine and tell her to now take her fence down and that she can't keep sheep on her own land. Let us know how that goes.

America12 · 09/03/2023 17:31

Smartieshavesomeanswers · 09/03/2023 17:15

I didn’t think she owned it because she didn’t look like a farmer or land owner. How many women in their 60s ambling around with a dog are actually farmers???

I know the farmhouse now and take her a bottle of wine and some flowers and see if I can smooth things over.

theres no where else within walking distance the kids can play football, it’s all woods, or fields of cow or sheep or ploughed so we really need to get it back. I never thought I’d miss the suburbs with a good rec!!

What do farmers look like ?
I wouldn't go round you'll just upset her. She felt intimidated by you.

Rustpail · 09/03/2023 17:31

Dont go round, if she felt intimdated before, you turning up on her doorstep isnt going to help. Particularly if you carry on the theme her of trying to justify why you were actually right. Just send some flowers from interflora or something.

Whatever2023 · 09/03/2023 17:32

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at OP's request

Motnight · 09/03/2023 17:33

I would leave the poor woman in peace. No flowers or what sounds like would be a half arsed apology.

Just own the outcome of your actions Op.

Silverbook · 09/03/2023 17:34

Sorry OP but I do think you were in the wrong here. You said you blocked her way which, depending on somebody's circumstances can be intimidating. Also, she told you she owned the field which would have been your ideal opportunity to apologise.
Might be worth just coming clean to her- you didn't know/having a bad day/blah blah...honesty being the best policy.

MajorCarolDanvers · 09/03/2023 17:37

You did the right thing - not picking up dog mess is disgusting even if you own the land.

She wont have erected an electric fence just because you confronted her. That takes time and planning. Stop blaming yourself.

I am assuming this in England because what she has done (electric fence, blocking access) is illegal in Scotland.

Rustpail · 09/03/2023 17:37

@Silverbook You said you blocked her way which, depending on somebody's circumstances can be intimidating.

When is a stranger blocking your way not intimidating?

Keeween · 09/03/2023 17:38

‘We really need to get it back’?! It wasn’t yours in the first place!! It is privately owned land that a farmer (baffling, women can be farmers too, what a shock!) kindly allowed people to use until a bolshy bullying twat made her feel intimidated on her own property!! The front of you.

Silverbook · 09/03/2023 17:39

Rustpail · 09/03/2023 17:37

@Silverbook You said you blocked her way which, depending on somebody's circumstances can be intimidating.

When is a stranger blocking your way not intimidating?

For me personally, I'd be hugely intimidated at any stranger doing it!
I was trying to be gentle in my reply 🙈

Keeween · 09/03/2023 17:40

Also, don’t go to her house with an ‘apology’, she felt intimidated by your, frankly, intimidating behaviour so why would you go to her home?! Particularly as you don’t truly feel apologetic for making her so uncomfortable, you just want the use of her property again, and she’ll know that.

BroomHandledMouser · 09/03/2023 17:41

I don’t think you can put it right op. It sounds like you were aggressive, blocking someone’s way is confrontational and intimidating and to be honest I don’t blame her for fencing the lot off.

This will no doubt get out eventually, it’s a shame because now the kids won’t be able to play ball there. You’ve pissed on everyone’s chips really haven’t you?

NowDoYouBelieveMe · 09/03/2023 17:42

CoachBeard · 09/03/2023 17:11

Oh I love the double standards of Mumsnet. If the op had posted that a woman had let her dog crap in a field where children were playing and not picked it up, the thread would have been full of people saying it was bloody disgusting and they’d have confronted her and made her pick it up. 🤣😂🤣

The only thing more vital to civilisation than dog poo vigilantism is property rights 🙃

saamantha19881 · 09/03/2023 17:43

Please don't go and knock her door. You physically stood in the way of an older lady and intimidated her. Showing up at her door (and knowing she is a widow now makes it worse as she will potentially be alone and vulnerable) might make her feel even more intimidated. Leave her alone.

Hoppinggreen · 09/03/2023 17:43

Rustpail · 09/03/2023 16:35

@Mamamia7962 I am not sure how you came to the conclusion the OP didn't intimidate her, by her own admission she blocked her way and then refused to allow her to go on her way until she'd picked it up.

Agree - OP said she blocked the woman’s way and “made” her pick up the poo.
Sounds pretty intimidating and I don’t blame her for stopping people using the field now

themonkeysnuts · 09/03/2023 17:43

you can apologize all you want but i doubt she will even speak to you
I certainly wouldnt

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