Not sure how or if to put this right

[Smartieshavesomeanswers]

A bit of a long one here, and changed n as me so it can’t be linked back to my other posts…
Behind the housing estate where I live is a lovely big field known as the football field, all the local kids head there at the weekend for a kick about and play. It is a proper field though- not a rec or anything.

Anyway me and my boys were there a few weekends ago and there was a woman walking her dog off lead. It stopped for a shit and she carried on walking and didn’t pick it up. I shouted over and told her to pick it up, and she just carried on walking. I headed over and cut her off and told her to go and pick up her dogs mess. She told me she’d go back for it later and to mind my own business and went to walk off. I did at this point block her way (probably a mistake in retrospect) and told her kids were playing and it was disgusting. She replied that it wouldn’t be a problem if my kids stayed on the footpath and it was her field. Anyway I made her pick it up and thought that was the end of it.

anyway we went to go over there at the weekend and there is now electric fence up either side of the path, all properly signed and everything, and I’ve heard on the grapevine my neighbours are furious that the kids can’t play there anymore. Apparently a few have spoken with the lady (she does actually own it-what are the chances?) and she is saying that she felt frightened and intimidated by someone, and now doesn’t want the kids using it any more and is going to move some of her sheep in there once it’s had a ‘rest’ I think this is just an excuse to justify the fence.

she hasn’t mentioned me, but I am worried if it gets out it was me my neighbours will be really angry. Should I find her and apologise? Apparently she just heads round the field once a day with a scooper to tidy it, all my neighbours seem to think she is gods gift even doing this. Was I in the wrong? I really think I have dropped a clanger here, what should I do?

How did you 'make' her pick it up, didn't she just walk off?

Oh you've properly fucked up

You literally told someone her dog couldn't shit in her own garden

If it was me I'd go round with flowers, wine, dog treats and apologise profusely because she was doing a lovely thing for all the children of your street

And hope to fuck this poor widow forgives you

You need to think about how she must have felt. She has kindly allowed children to play on her land, walked her own dog on her own land and then has been accosted by you. I think it sounds quite intimidating what you did - you raised your voice on her land, demanded she picked up her dog poo off her own land then physically got in her way, and she’s a widow!! Think how you would have felt in her shoes. It would be your own fault if people found out it was you, but they may actually be more angry about the way you treated the poor woman than actually losing the use of the land.
I agree, you need to apologise profusely to her, send her gifts, tell her you were having a bad day. Don’t blame her for putting the fence up though, you will sound entitled.

Not sure if apologising/taking flowers etc will do any good. It won't seem genuine as she'll know you're only doing it because you want something from her - to allow your kids to play on her field again.

Maybe in future check whose land your dcs are playing on.

I would go and apologise in person. Poor lady.

Entitled much?

is going to move some of her sheep in there once it’s had a ‘rest’ I think this is just an excuse to justify the fence.

She doesn't need an excuse, its her field.

Would it be insensitive to say you've scored an own goal on the football field?

Whilst I would always applaud someone asking someone else to pick up dogshit in a public place, this wasn't actually a public place. It was private land. Fair enough you didn't know at first, but she did tell you. I would apologise (as PPs said without requesting the removal of fences!) Not just because I would be embarrassed about my own behaviour in hindsight, but because you've genuinely been unreasonable to her.

Do you think it would be worth speaking to other people in the village to see if there is any possibility of renting the field as a sort of community space so DC can keep playing football etc? I realise there may be implications eg insurance and upkeep, but it's an acknowledgment of her ownership as well as being a benefit for the DC. At least she will know you won't let people get away with leaving dog shit all over it

I don’t understand why you didn’t leave it alone and apologise when she told you it was her field. I don’t think there’s anything you can do except learn to listen to what people are saying to you instead of blindly raging at them.

You have caused this issue Op. You. The landowner didn't do anything wrong but you did.Own it.

I wouldn't have believed she owned the field either! And people who leave dog shit around in public are the worse

But... Sorry but you deserve it OP. I'm secretly grateful for "neighbourhood police"/"manners bullies" like you, but you were always bound to get into trouble one day. You can't go round verbally and physically(!) policing other people's actions, and not expect consequences.

I think you might have welcomed consequences where you felt justified, e.g. someone vandalising your windows in revenge. My theory is "neighbourhood police" types thrive on conflict (where they feel superior/justified), are delighted by it even. But this was unexpected for you, and has made a dent on your ego. You have to live with it though.

Also whether it was her land or not, "altercation" is not too strong a word at all for that physical intervention/clash.

Oh I love the double standards of Mumsnet. If the op had posted that a woman had let her dog crap in a field where children were playing and not picked it up, the thread would have been full of people saying it was bloody disgusting and they’d have confronted her and made her pick it up. 🤣😂🤣

@Smartieshavesomeanswers

Gosh you really need to take some responsibility for what you’ve done here! As other posters have said, it was her field. She is perfectly entitled to walk her dog in it and let it shit wherever she wants to without having to clean it up! Admittedly, children played in it, but presumably that was thanks to her being generous enough to let them?! And if you don’t like it, find somewhere else to play. Talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth! Even if you didn’t know at the beginning that this was her field, as soon as she told you it was you should have immediately backed down and apologised there and then.

She also said that she was going to go and pick it up later, why didn’t you just leave it at that? You’ve been incredibly rude, it sounds like you’ve been very aggressive, and I’m not surprised that she feels intimidated.

Please stop looking to blame her for this, it’s 100% your fault.

Again, as other posters have said, you owe her a massive apology, and I also think it would be really good idea if you sent flowers and or dog treats to show how incredibly sorry you are (you need to start feeling sorry first though 🙄). Absolutely nothing so far indicates that you feel sorry or accept responsibility for this in anyway, which is shameful. I feel really angry on this person’s behalf! If it was one of my family members I’d be absolutely livid at them being treated this way on their own property.

@WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles I get asking someone to pick up their dog shit, but blocking them and physically forcing them to do so is way too much! Whether it's their land or not. Maybe that's just me though – it does sound like something MN would applaud (as a poster above noted) in other cases

‘People who leave dog shit in public are the worst’

I completely agree with you - but this wasn’t in public. It was in her own field.

I didn’t think she owned it because she didn’t look like a farmer or land owner. How many women in their 60s ambling around with a dog are actually farmers???

I know the farmhouse now and take her a bottle of wine and some flowers and see if I can smooth things over.

theres no where else within walking distance the kids can play football, it’s all woods, or fields of cow or sheep or ploughed so we really need to get it back. I never thought I’d miss the suburbs with a good rec!!

Hang on..surely if you were that indignant about her picking up the dog shit, it wouldn't have mattered if she owned it or not. As she said, she was going to pick it up later. You still chose to carry it on..

Serves you right for being an arse. No sympathy from me, at all.

It will need time to allow any remaining dog poo and the like to breakdown and wash away to prevent the grazing sheep from ingesting it.

Moral of the story: her dog shit has more right to be in that field than random kids.

Learn your lesson and learn to keep your mouth shut!

Another lesson you have learnt then is to not judge a book by its cover in future.

Well yes, I didn't miss the point of the entire post. My point was that even if it had taken place in public as OP initially believed (and I would have believed too), that still doesn't cast OP's antics in a positive light.

Going to smooth things over is a good idea.

I would not say anything about the fence, unless it's saying that you're not doing this in the hopes that's she removes it. That you wanted to apologise for making her feel frightened. Perhaps add that you rather stupidly thought she was lying about owning the field and thaf she was pretending as an excuse to not clean up after her dog. That you don't want her to feel intimidated going around in the area, it was just you being an idiot about the dog poo and you're really sorry.

‘I didn’t think she owned it because she didn’t look like a farmer or land owner. How many women in their 60s ambling around with a dog are actually farmers???’

As well as learning to listen to what people are saying to you, you also need to learn not to stereotype and jump to conclusions.

Yes omg, I fully admit I might be projecting too much based on my own neighbourhood, but "neighbourhood police" types are vv selective about who they boss around/how they treat people based on how they perceive the person's class/demographic!

I agree with you. (Although the amount of bonkers excuses/threats of violence you get in my area when you ask people to pick up their dogshit is mind blowing)

I would initially have asked her to pick up but wouldn't have pushed it after she had explained.

Jeez you just sound worse each post. Perhaps you should move back to the burbs? Didn't expect a woman with a dog in her 60's to be a landowner 🤨