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Original poster

Not sure how or if to put this right

525 replies

Smartieshavesomeanswers · 09/03/2023 16:13

A bit of a long one here, and changed n as me so it can’t be linked back to my other posts…
Behind the housing estate where I live is a lovely big field known as the football field, all the local kids head there at the weekend for a kick about and play. It is a proper field though- not a rec or anything.

Anyway me and my boys were there a few weekends ago and there was a woman walking her dog off lead. It stopped for a shit and she carried on walking and didn’t pick it up. I shouted over and told her to pick it up, and she just carried on walking. I headed over and cut her off and told her to go and pick up her dogs mess. She told me she’d go back for it later and to mind my own business and went to walk off. I did at this point block her way (probably a mistake in retrospect) and told her kids were playing and it was disgusting. She replied that it wouldn’t be a problem if my kids stayed on the footpath and it was her field. Anyway I made her pick it up and thought that was the end of it.

anyway we went to go over there at the weekend and there is now electric fence up either side of the path, all properly signed and everything, and I’ve heard on the grapevine my neighbours are furious that the kids can’t play there anymore. Apparently a few have spoken with the lady (she does actually own it-what are the chances?) and she is saying that she felt frightened and intimidated by someone, and now doesn’t want the kids using it any more and is going to move some of her sheep in there once it’s had a ‘rest’ I think this is just an excuse to justify the fence.

she hasn’t mentioned me, but I am worried if it gets out it was me my neighbours will be really angry. Should I find her and apologise? Apparently she just heads round the field once a day with a scooper to tidy it, all my neighbours seem to think she is gods gift even doing this. Was I in the wrong? I really think I have dropped a clanger here, what should I do?

OP posts:
Mmmnotsure · 10/03/2023 14:03

@chocciechocface is absolutely correct in what she is saying and giving good advice about how farming and rural communities work (and is bang on about being an incomer).

JoWawa · 10/03/2023 14:06

She did according to OP

Ludo19 · 10/03/2023 14:27

Let's hope your kids don't grow up to be entitled fucks like you and if you are a man I hope she has some "burly typical farmer" sons who'll sort you out for you cornering their widowed mother on her own fucking land.

viques · 10/03/2023 14:41

It’s awards season so I would like to nominate the unknown lady farmer for the

2023 Jackie Weaver Award For A Middle Aged Woman Giving As Good As She Got And Being Well Within Her Rights To Do So.

🏆👏

Snowsurprised · 10/03/2023 14:43

viques · 10/03/2023 14:41

It’s awards season so I would like to nominate the unknown lady farmer for the

2023 Jackie Weaver Award For A Middle Aged Woman Giving As Good As She Got And Being Well Within Her Rights To Do So.

🏆👏

👏👏👏

SeulementUneFois · 10/03/2023 14:57

viques · 10/03/2023 14:41

It’s awards season so I would like to nominate the unknown lady farmer for the

2023 Jackie Weaver Award For A Middle Aged Woman Giving As Good As She Got And Being Well Within Her Rights To Do So.

🏆👏

This!!! Fully agree

OopsAnotherOne · 10/03/2023 15:05

She was allowing the children to play on her private property, that is her personal choice. She also has no obligation to immediately pick up her dog's poo on her privately owned property, that is also her choice to make.

You, as someone who was using her private land for your own enjoyment, blocked her path and "made" (in your own words) her collect her dog's poo. You did not let her pass and from your own description of your actions, they sound intimidating.

She has now decided that to avoid this happening again and to continue to enjoy the use of the land she owns without being confronted, having her path blocked and made to do things by the people she allows to use her land, she no longer wants to let people use that land. That's completely her right. She has done nothing wrong, it's not a public space it was a private field that someone had chosen to kindly let the local children play in but as it has now become detrimental to her own enjoyment of the field, she no longer wants to allow strangers to use it. Find somewhere else to go.

Trez1510 · 10/03/2023 15:12

Am I alone in thinking the OP is hosting a Verisure team at their home as I type? Aware the local community have placed a bulk order for torches and pitchforks for when they positively identify the obnoxious, bullying incomer who lost their kids their informal play area?

Or have they been arrested for putting the elderly widow into a further state of fear and alarm by rocking up at her door with a bunch of daffodils, a bottle of Echo Falls and a demand the 'football' field be returned to community use forthwith?

I'm thinking the farmer definitely doesn't know the name of her assailant and that's why they haven't been named/identified. I'm sure, though, they will cross paths at some point and the farmer will identify them. In the meantime, the Miss Marples, Agatha Raisins, Columbos and Morses will be piecing it together for themselves.

I reiterate my previous advice to the OP: get ahead of the game and start searching Zoopla/RIghtmove before you/your family become pariahs in the community.

ReneBumsWombats · 10/03/2023 15:19

OP says this happened a few weeks ago and only discovered the consequences recently when she went back. Surely if she was going to be found out, it would have happened by now?

Rustpail · 10/03/2023 15:28

You'll probably find the lady is too decent to actually name you and wants to avoid any other unpleasantness which is why she didn't have a row at the time and why she now doesn't want strangers on her land. She is quite entitled to think going by your past behaviour that is she named you that you would go round for a row. So you can stop worrying about yourself, I think you are in the clear.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 10/03/2023 15:30

As a middle-aged woman nearing 60 who's tired of being patronized by others, I'd pitch in and help this farmer erect a stronger fence if it were possible. I hope she bans everyone from her property permanently and that the village learns it's all OP's fault.

Anklespraying · 10/03/2023 15:32

ReneBumsWombats · 10/03/2023 15:19

OP says this happened a few weeks ago and only discovered the consequences recently when she went back. Surely if she was going to be found out, it would have happened by now?

The kids will have already told other kids about their dad yelling about dog poo.. It's only a matter of time before they tell their parents and he's rounded up and placed in the stocks.

SirVixofVixHall · 10/03/2023 15:40

FrostyFifi · 10/03/2023 09:14

that individual people own land that a commnity might make good use of

Farmers should stop producing food forthwith so that entitled townies can let their children run around shrieking and booting footballs around. Got it.

Yes, clearly I should stop growing hay for cattle on my fields, and instead give them over the local under twelves soccer team. After all, nobody wants milk, or cheese, or beef do they ?

FrostyFifi · 10/03/2023 15:53

After all, nobody wants milk, or cheese, or beef do they ?

Meh. They can import that from South America. It's just a few growth hormones in the food and a bit of rainforest deforestation, no biggie.

Maireas · 10/03/2023 15:55

@SirVixofVixHall - yes, how very dare you!
And don't even think about ever being a woman with the temerity to reach the age of 60+!

Floomobal · 10/03/2023 15:58

@Smartieshavesomeanswers so come on OP, ARE you a man?

HiccupHorrendousHaddock · 10/03/2023 16:03

Omg, how did I not see it?? If you’re right, @Anklespraying, it all makes so much sense. I couldn’t work out why the OP was so entitled and obtuse.

I wholeheartedly agree the landowner merits a Jackie Weaver Order of Merit. Go her!

I also hope she makes clear to her neighbours just who the aggressive bully is.

Anklespraying · 10/03/2023 16:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Feelinglikeihadaboringnight · 10/03/2023 16:05

I really don’t think OP is a man.
Would a man really come on MN worried about the neighbours finding out about him.

Just because OP is a bully doesn’t mean they must be a man, there are plenty women bullies around.

Maireas · 10/03/2023 16:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I suspect that's exactly his motivation.

ReneBumsWombats · 10/03/2023 16:10

I don't think OP is a man, but you never know. Doesn't look like he/she is coming back anyway.

Mamamia7962 · 10/03/2023 16:13

choccie - None of us on here know what the arrangement was. Reading the OP's posts where she says it's a field where children play football and play sounds as though it's common knowledge between the locals that the lady who owns the field lets children in general play on there. Or it might have started off with just one family asking permission and then just escalated from there. Who knows.

If it had been me in the OP's situation and I saw a lady letting her dog foul without picking it up I would shout to her if she was a distance away to pick it up. If she ignored me and carried on walking I would assume that she didn't hear me or was blatantly ignoring me so yes I would approach her and ask her to pick it up. If she told me that she would do it later and to mind my own business then I would ask why she couldn't do it now and ask her if she needed a bag as being a dog owner I always have bags in my coat pocket.

If I already knew that she owned the field then no I wouldn't have said anything to her in the first place, but I wouldn't want my children playing there.

So yes I do think the OP was right to say something because she didn't know the lady owned the field but she was wrong to insist that she picked it up once she found out she was the owner.

BadNomad · 10/03/2023 16:16

Would a man describe a field as "lovely"?

Zwellers · 10/03/2023 16:44

Mamamia7962 the point you seem to be deliberately missing it's this not a public space and the children and op have no right to be there. The owner can let her dog poo all over her own land if she wants.

Casilero · 10/03/2023 17:40

Mamamia7962 · 10/03/2023 16:13

choccie - None of us on here know what the arrangement was. Reading the OP's posts where she says it's a field where children play football and play sounds as though it's common knowledge between the locals that the lady who owns the field lets children in general play on there. Or it might have started off with just one family asking permission and then just escalated from there. Who knows.

If it had been me in the OP's situation and I saw a lady letting her dog foul without picking it up I would shout to her if she was a distance away to pick it up. If she ignored me and carried on walking I would assume that she didn't hear me or was blatantly ignoring me so yes I would approach her and ask her to pick it up. If she told me that she would do it later and to mind my own business then I would ask why she couldn't do it now and ask her if she needed a bag as being a dog owner I always have bags in my coat pocket.

If I already knew that she owned the field then no I wouldn't have said anything to her in the first place, but I wouldn't want my children playing there.

So yes I do think the OP was right to say something because she didn't know the lady owned the field but she was wrong to insist that she picked it up once she found out she was the owner.

Well then, you're clearly another one who wades right in without being clear on the facts. You WILL get your arse handed to you at some point if you carry on bullying complete strangers. Why does life have to be one big confrontation to some people? Have you not heard of the phrase "you catch more flies with honey than vinegar".