Not sure how or if to put this right

[Smartieshavesomeanswers]

A bit of a long one here, and changed n as me so it can’t be linked back to my other posts…
Behind the housing estate where I live is a lovely big field known as the football field, all the local kids head there at the weekend for a kick about and play. It is a proper field though- not a rec or anything.

Anyway me and my boys were there a few weekends ago and there was a woman walking her dog off lead. It stopped for a shit and she carried on walking and didn’t pick it up. I shouted over and told her to pick it up, and she just carried on walking. I headed over and cut her off and told her to go and pick up her dogs mess. She told me she’d go back for it later and to mind my own business and went to walk off. I did at this point block her way (probably a mistake in retrospect) and told her kids were playing and it was disgusting. She replied that it wouldn’t be a problem if my kids stayed on the footpath and it was her field. Anyway I made her pick it up and thought that was the end of it.

anyway we went to go over there at the weekend and there is now electric fence up either side of the path, all properly signed and everything, and I’ve heard on the grapevine my neighbours are furious that the kids can’t play there anymore. Apparently a few have spoken with the lady (she does actually own it-what are the chances?) and she is saying that she felt frightened and intimidated by someone, and now doesn’t want the kids using it any more and is going to move some of her sheep in there once it’s had a ‘rest’ I think this is just an excuse to justify the fence.

she hasn’t mentioned me, but I am worried if it gets out it was me my neighbours will be really angry. Should I find her and apologise? Apparently she just heads round the field once a day with a scooper to tidy it, all my neighbours seem to think she is gods gift even doing this. Was I in the wrong? I really think I have dropped a clanger here, what should I do?

Not really.

You don’t live rurally do you?

If parents didn't want to take the risk they could check for dog shit first themselves or just told their kids no they can't play there.

No one forced them to be there!

I don't think she's been vile or condescending. I think she's made some very valid comments the OP should reflect on.

You know you can't just throw these words around just because you don't like what you've heard

I didn't think so.

It's quite odd and disgusting that she uses her own land as a dog toilet, but it's absolutely her right to do so.

I know of a few cases where land owners who have previously had a live and let live attitude, have in recent years fenced them off and stuck in 'private' signs. People are not respecting the privilege, letting their dogs run off lead, leaving litter - generally being entitled fools.

Losthurtandconfused - I wouldn't want my kids playing there anyway. Maybe the neighbours are happy for their kids to take that risk or maybe they don't know she doesn't pick it up straight away. Who knows?

Maybe they should find an actual public space for their kids to play then

I think that's what most parents would do.

Except the crazy aggressive entitled ones

Please don't go round, if you intimidated her enough in a wide open space that she owned, imagine how she'd feel on her own doorstep in her safe space!

Ido have to admit with others however that your posts are getting worse with each update. I'd put money on the fact that would wouldn't have treated a man or maybe even teen or similar in the same way.

A quick round up of them reads more:

"Im relatively new to the area and without knowing the lay of the land I physically and verbally intimidated and bullied an elderly widow into picking her own dogs poo up in her own field that she kindly let others use. Aka my field for my children.

Now she's dared to close it off and use it for herself and is blaming me! I'm worried she's going to name me and the neighbours will find out that it was me and will unreasonably hate me ! I'm not sorry in the slightest and I demand she removes that fence from my field that she pretends she owns. Legals smeegals. How dare she! She's one of those doogooders and everyone thinks so highly of her after her reputation and years living in the area. She's just a massive pain in my backside for reasons of my own creation! Help me tell her she's unreasonable! "

Anyone else hope the owner is a MN'er and sees this? 😂

I'd hope it would prompt her to let the op's name accidentally slip within earshot of the biggest local gossip.

Really? Out of all the posts on this page mine was the one that was vile?

I'm being deadly serious. If the OP lives in a farming community like mine, then this is my advice. The anger that people have here from people who move to a rural area then behave like it's town is unreal.

We've had animals dying from ingesting rubbish, sheep mauled by dogs off the leash in fields. A friend of mine had her livestock wander onto the main road after someone enjoying a lovely walk through her farm left all the gates open. What's happened here with the OP is classic ignorant behaviour.

I've seen anger so real that blasé new arrivals have been named and shamed on local Facebook pages. So I am being genuinely sincere in telling how they can try make it right otherwise OP will be blasted publicly too, and no one will feel any sympathy. All sympathy is with farmers, their livestock and their livelihoods. I'm not sure the OP fully appreciates the significance of what's happened.

Welp. She certainly isn’t going to take the fence down now.

You argued with the wrong one

What’s odd and disgusting about it? She picks up the poo once a day. As well as the litter left behind by the kids using her land for football…

I mean fuck, she could have a bad back for all we know, from 40 years farming, which is literally back-breaking work.

I only do a single daily sweep for shit in my big garden, because the dogs are out all day. I don’t pick up at all when they come up to the fields and tracks. I don’t pick any of the deer or rabbit poo. 😆 I will get rid of fox, though I don’t unusually know about it until a dog has had a good old roll and had to be jet washed in the yard.

OP, some of your comments are a bit odd - things like commenting that this woman didn't look like a farmer. I gently suggest that perhaps you have some entrenched views and perhaps lack a little 'theory of mind'. That's not an insult. Some people are naturally made that way and they need to actively step back and think before they say or do things. Thinking from the other person's perspective is a great skill to develop.
There have been occasions where I've left a bagged dog poo at the entrance to a field to collect it on my return. I don't want to carry the bag around the field with me. Luckily, nobody's ever told me off for dropping the bag and if they did, I would say that I'm collecting it on my return. I've often thought there might be some people who wouldn't believe me.
When walking a dog alone it can be quite intimidating and scary if someone confronts you in the way you describe confronting the woman. She has taken actions as a result of your actions, and this has had a detrimental effect upon many other people.
I think perhaps you should admit to others that the altercation was actually with you, and apologise that you were wrong to do what you did.

@TheOrigRights how is it disgusting?
My dogs and horses shit on my own land…as do rabbits/foxes and god knows what else.

I pick it up obviously but not instantly every time. It’s what animals do on grass.

Well, she doesn’t any more. Problem solved. The OP fucked it.

But, if you read the OP, she said herself the field was ‘immaculate’ because this woman poo and litter picked once a day.

The ingratitude, entitlement and appalling ignorance around farming on this thread is disappointing, not to mention the flagrant ageism and sexism about a 60-year-old farming woman ‘ambling’ around with her dog.

Exactly!

chocci - We're not talking about any of those things here though are we? I agree that a lot of people don't have respect for the countryside, let their dogs off lead where there's livestock etc, but that isn't what this thread is about.

Your last three paragraphs were uncalled for.

Anyone else hope the owner is a MN'er and sees this?

😂😂

Either that or one of the neighbours are.

It won’t take long for them to find out who it was that got the field fenced off.

Doesthepope - Would you still only pick up in your garden once a day if you had children/grandchildren playing in it?

I stand (not in dog shit) corrected. I missed that she picked it up once a day.

Thank you for the insight into your poo collecting duties

I hate when dog owners do not pick up their dog's poo.

But in this situation you sound like a bully.
You "shouted over"
You "cut her off"
You "blocked her way"
You "made" her pick up the poo

I doubt you would have acted this way with a man, or some teen boys.

Realistically all you should have done is have gone over to her and politely asked her to pick it up. If she refused or said she'd do it later, just leave it.

I really am quite pissed off on behalf of the father that the OP hasn't reflected on how litter arrives on agricultural land. It'll be the people, like the OP, using the agricultural field for personal entertainment.

Honestly - and people think dog poo is the main issue. I am genuinely gobsmacked 🤯.

And they think she picks up litter because she's a 'pillar of the community' to keep the field nice for the kids. Mind blowing !!!

She's literally clearing up after litterbugs to protect her livestock and her livelihood!

OMG. This is the most extraordinary post I think I've ever read.

Honestly? I would leave her be or risk this escalating into legal matter. It sounds like you didn't just ask her to pick up the poo, you followed her around the field, refused to believe her when she said it was her field and then stood and watched over her until she'd picked it up. She was clearly distressed by your haranguing given the drastic measure she's now taken and any further attempt to contact her in an attempt to get the fences removed, even if you prefix it with a grovelling apology, could be construed as harassment. You fucked up and were incredibly sexist and ageist in thinking an older woman couldn't possibly own land and you'll have to face the consequences when people find out it was you.

Do you think the fairy folk are leaving litter on her land? If not, who else could it possibly be?

I can't believe that on top of everything else, you then called her 'spiteful' to your neighbour. If she was truly spiteful she would have taken a photo of you ordering her around on her own land while you were trespassing and pinned it up on the fencing as the reason the neighbourhood kids have nowhere to play.

Also, the chances of a woman telling you she owns a field, actually owning the field are surely fairly close to 100%. I don't understand why you didn't believe her.