Friend inviting their friend to our rare meet up - AIBU to be upset about being multitasked?

[bluesofacushion]

I just had a new baby, my 2 friends who live nearby have older children and asked to meet up with me and new baby and it's so rare this happens and I really love these friends. I was really looking forward to it. Date in the diary for about 6 week.

A few days ago I get a message saying can we meet near them (fine but I'm a bit freaked out about the driving/parking) and they've invited another friend - I know this lady, she's really nice but not my friend, I don't see her socially etc. this additional friends wants to come to have baby cuddles apparently. Well for a start he's not a doll so I feel irked about that.

I also feel upset that they don't seem to really want to see us and it's more a case of social multitasking. I feel quite tearful and overwhelmed and I just want to see my friends and catch up.

I'm thinking of making an excuse and leaving them to their meet up and try to arrange another day.

AIBU?

Depending on how old your baby is, you may need to discuss your feelings with your GP. You seem very emotional with negative thoughts. Could you have PPD?

Sometimes we react a certain way and from there, fabricate whole scenarios that may not reflect reality. And that story we've put together becomes 'fact' in our head.

You didn't want to go after plans were changed and that is absolutely valid, as is not wanting the 3rd person involved. Interpreting the changes as people not caring about you, not prioritising you, not being mind readers to how you were thinking is less valid, if valid at all. As are expecting not to be fussed over and people not thinking you'd want to 'show off' your baby. From my experience, I'd say the majority of new parents want to share their joy and pride and love of their new baby with others (aka showing off, in this instance).

They made a mistake. They didn't set out to hurt you. They instigated which means odnoxuese they want to see you. Your reaction may have freaked them out a bit and will have definitely made them feel guilty and uncomfortable. They seem like good friends who made a mistake.

🙄with bells on.

No. Just no. She's allowed to decide who she spends her time with, and who gets to meet her new baby. The original meet up was about her, and her actual friends. Not some random acquaintance who wants to ogle her baby.

Oh yes, I've just had a baby so obviously I'm going to make stuff up, it's all in my head because I'm unbalanced and hormonal 🙄

@bluesofacushion you are making a bit of stuff up into a bigger deal than it needs to be. And it may well be hormones.

Your OP says your friends live near you. Then you said they asked to meet “near them” and you’re freaked out about driving?

That's nothing even close to what I said.

FWIW new baby, hormones do not account for playing victim, being a sarcastic mare and generally unpleasant. That's all you. You seem like hard work. Maybe everything you're feeling is right an maybe having a new baby has nothing fro I'd with it.

Take a chill pill.

I am completely Team New Mum!

Not everyone wants to 'show off' their baby to random people ... I bet they're the people who also enjoy having random people touch their pregnancy bump and comment on how big you are too.

It's not the Lion King! , OP has no responsibility to share her baby with the world or 'cheer' ANYONE up with 'baby cuddles' - other than those she chooses to.

Anyone who thinks she 'should' is projecting their own feelings instead of understanding hers.

OP you should always trust your gut, it wasn't right for you this week, maybe in a few months or even next week, it might be but that's YOUR decision to make.

Enjoy your new baby and my unsolicited advice on babies - almost everything is a passing phase. The cute and lovely things - so write them down to reminisce over and the hard and tiring things (like tiredness and teething and tantrums) breathe through those times and remind yourself it's not forever. ❤️

I can see both sides of this. On one hand I can completely understand that they inserted a new person into your meet up without it being agreed at the beginning and that's annoying. But then as an experienced mother of 5, I also know that if you want to keep the friendship going with these ladies it might be worth making the effort and seeing this opportunity to branch out and widen your social circle. From my experiences most of my friends died out in the first year of having my first child. Having a baby brings an enormous amount of change to your life as I'm sure you will soon find out. I've lost friends with every baby I've had, even new ones that I'd made after the older children.

Something very few of you picked up on. She's right smack bang in the middle of the baby blues. I presume OP thinks she may weep and doesn't need that with a ¹stranger watching her. I can understand her quite well even though it's 50 years since I had my last baby. Cheer up. It'll pass eventually.

Can not believe the number of people labelling the OP overly sensitive or rude. Of course it's normal for a new mum to feel vulnerable and only want contact with limited numbers of people with whom she has a close bond.

As I’ve said before I would have no problem
with this however you clearly have and that’s fine. I think the biggest issue is you haven’t been honest with your friends and your second guessing why they did it.

from the outset you should have said I don’t really feel up to travelling with to you, do you mind coming over to mine but just the two of you. I feel like I need a proper chat and as I don’t know x as well as you both I would feel a bit weird. They probably would have said no problem. I think it’s become a bigger issue because you haven’t been honest from the start.