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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dh handled neighbours terribly?

303 replies

whippedlemons · 08/03/2023 22:37

Good Evening,

I thought I'd ask on here to gauge if I'm lacking in complete boundaries or if my husband over reacted.

So we recently moved into a ground floor maisonette, we have the back garden. The previous tenant was quite friendly with next door and he would let their children play in the garden etc. when next door fitted a conservatory they took down the whole hedge and built it on the boundary line so I look out my kitchen window directly to their conservatory wall. They left a space between the wall to the hedge so they have access to our garden. (E.g when they had chickens, they would wander around the garden (pre us moving in as they died a few days prior) )

At one point they've fitted a outdoor tap under my kitchen window (this was all previously so fair enough) and use the water from this flat (I'm guessing their on a meter)

Fast forward to now, we've moved in, made friends with them, I get along with the wife etc and I like her

He asked to use the water so I said yes few months back, but often would just walk through his garden through the gap to use it, sometimes daily.

Where as I didn't want to disrupt what they've been custom to for years my husband finds it incredibly invasive and hates it.

Well today as we were all eating dinner in our living room, we hear the water tap being used outside so my husband gets up without warning and basically has a go at him telling him to stop coming in without At least asking and he wouldn't like it if we just walked in their back garden doing what we want. He was quite aggressive the way it came across.

My husband said I lack boundaries and get walked over but I feel so awkward as we are not on a meter and don't see the harm as such (maybe they should ask each time, but if I say yes they probably assume what's the point)

So basically am I being unreasonable to be slightly annoyed at my husband for having a go at him? As I don't want things to be awkward when we've only been here a few months?

OP posts:
Blindedbythenighttimelights · 08/03/2023 22:44

Team DH.

I wouldn’t mind an occasional use but walking into the garden daily and helping himself is a bit much, although knocking each time to ask would be annoying too. I think it’s the frequency that would bother me. What would happen, as the tap is under the kitchen window, if you’d nipped down half naked to put the kettle on for a morning cuppa to have in bed, and he was there Turing the tap on?

CatherinedeBourgh · 08/03/2023 22:45

I think you can say it nicely, but I'm with your husband that you need to put in some boundaries if you value your privacy at all.

We had a similar situation with a neighbour who took it upon himself to mow a strip of land at the edge of our property. Nothing to do with him, he just liked doing it, but it meant he could look into our garden while he was doing it which I hated. I told him I didn't want him to do it any more and that was that.

It didn't ruin anything, just made it clear what our boundaries are and that he must respect them. Good boundaries make good neighbours.

WalkingThroughTreacle · 08/03/2023 22:45

I'm with your husband. Your neighbours are absolute piss-takers and need to be told straight. People like them get away with their nonsense by relying on the reluctance of others to stand up for themselves or risk causing a fuss. It's your garden, not theirs. Their need for water is not your problem to solve.

TheSnowyOwl · 08/03/2023 22:46

I’d be annoyed with you as well and agree with your DH. Get a proper fence installed and I’d be unbelievably amazed if they changed their pipe work for that outside tap to be collected to their water meter.

carriedout · 08/03/2023 22:46

Your DH is right in what he says. I wouldn't have shouted but I think your neighbours are taking the piss.

BlueSeaWave · 08/03/2023 22:47

Team DH. I would be fixing the gap in the fence and explaining that you are using your garden for you, and you want to remain in good terms but you want your privacy.

pilates · 08/03/2023 22:48

Agree with your DH

BitOutOfPractice · 08/03/2023 22:48

What the hell are they using all that water for anyway? Daily? At this time of year? Are you in the uk?

drspouse · 08/03/2023 22:49

Can the neighbour run a hose from the tap with a tap his end too? Then he can just turn it on while he's in his garden.

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 08/03/2023 22:52

Agree with your DH. It could've been handled better but they are CFs. They should be paying for their own water, not taking yours.

MichelleScarn · 08/03/2023 22:54

Absolutely team Dh! I'd not be able to have 'quiet enjoyment' of my garden as would always be wondering if they'd emerge.
Who told you they've been using the garden like this? Previous owners when you bought or the neighbours?..

ThinWomansBrain · 08/03/2023 22:54

a more diplomatic approach would have been better - but DH is right, they're CFs

BasiliskStare · 08/03/2023 22:54

I can't believe it would be so hard for him to fit a tap outside his conservatory & if they are a on a meter then they have to think about this.

I would find a way of saying free access to your garden & tap is not now convenient & I would hope there would be a polite discussion to be had with neighbour. Surely a reasonable neighbour would understand you want your privacy.

GinIronic · 08/03/2023 22:54

Team DH.

BrutusMcDogface · 08/03/2023 22:55

Wow, they are cheeky fuckers indeed! I would hate, and I mean really really hate, our neighbours just wandering over to steal use water from our tap. You do need some boundaries. Stay friendly but just say you’d prefer a fence so you’re going to erect (snigger) one.

Original poster
whippedlemons · 08/03/2023 22:57

MichelleScarn · 08/03/2023 22:54

Absolutely team Dh! I'd not be able to have 'quiet enjoyment' of my garden as would always be wondering if they'd emerge.
Who told you they've been using the garden like this? Previous owners when you bought or the neighbours?..

They did.
The previous tenant was disabled, so didn't use his garden. Also upstairs tenant told me when we first moved in that my stop tap is also for her water supply too and she has access to the water and told me if I turn my stop tap off then it shuts her whole water off. (I checked this, and she never came once to tell me her waters off, and when I turn my stop tap off the outside does not work)

She has some of the garden too. It was fenced off (4ft fence) and gated but apparently the neighbours old chickens broke the gate so that's something we need to fix as anyone from the street can potentially walk through upstairs garden straight into mine etc and it's a safety concern on that side too.

OP posts:
OnTheBoardwalk · 08/03/2023 22:58

So they’ve got a tap in your garden using your water?

get a fence put up and use the water you’re saving to put in a motion sensor sprinkler incase they try to sneak back in

RotundBeagle · 08/03/2023 22:58

ThinWomansBrain · 08/03/2023 22:54

a more diplomatic approach would have been better - but DH is right, they're CFs

This

JudgeRudy · 08/03/2023 22:59

YANU to be annoyed at your husband for 'having a go at them' with no discussion if that's actually what he did.
If he went out with a frown on his face and said something along the lines of
'look here mate, we're doing you a favour At least have the decency to ask us before you barge in and help yourself' ..then I wouldn't consider that out of order.
It's his home too. I would not want anyone coming into my garden unannounced. Even with an announcement daily is ridiculous. He needs a rain barrel and a watering can.

Original poster
whippedlemons · 08/03/2023 22:59

Sorry for the spelling errors in advance, I've had a few glasses Wink

OP posts:
typopro · 08/03/2023 23:00

Outdoor tap water in the middle of a cold spell in the UK. I presume you live in the Southern Hemisohere?

Original poster
whippedlemons · 08/03/2023 23:00

JudgeRudy · 08/03/2023 22:59

YANU to be annoyed at your husband for 'having a go at them' with no discussion if that's actually what he did.
If he went out with a frown on his face and said something along the lines of
'look here mate, we're doing you a favour At least have the decency to ask us before you barge in and help yourself' ..then I wouldn't consider that out of order.
It's his home too. I would not want anyone coming into my garden unannounced. Even with an announcement daily is ridiculous. He needs a rain barrel and a watering can.

Yes! This is what I told him afterwards.

I think I'm annoyed at the delivery

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 08/03/2023 23:01

@whippedlemons 'they did' the neighbours or seller?

Original poster
whippedlemons · 08/03/2023 23:01

typopro · 08/03/2023 23:00

Outdoor tap water in the middle of a cold spell in the UK. I presume you live in the Southern Hemisohere?

Northern 🤣

I think he must need it for work or something I'm not entirely sure

OP posts:
Original poster
whippedlemons · 08/03/2023 23:01

MichelleScarn · 08/03/2023 23:01

@whippedlemons 'they did' the neighbours or seller?

The neighbours! Sorry!

OP posts: