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Original poster

Dh handled neighbours terribly?

303 replies

whippedlemons · 08/03/2023 22:37

Good Evening,

I thought I'd ask on here to gauge if I'm lacking in complete boundaries or if my husband over reacted.

So we recently moved into a ground floor maisonette, we have the back garden. The previous tenant was quite friendly with next door and he would let their children play in the garden etc. when next door fitted a conservatory they took down the whole hedge and built it on the boundary line so I look out my kitchen window directly to their conservatory wall. They left a space between the wall to the hedge so they have access to our garden. (E.g when they had chickens, they would wander around the garden (pre us moving in as they died a few days prior) )

At one point they've fitted a outdoor tap under my kitchen window (this was all previously so fair enough) and use the water from this flat (I'm guessing their on a meter)

Fast forward to now, we've moved in, made friends with them, I get along with the wife etc and I like her

He asked to use the water so I said yes few months back, but often would just walk through his garden through the gap to use it, sometimes daily.

Where as I didn't want to disrupt what they've been custom to for years my husband finds it incredibly invasive and hates it.

Well today as we were all eating dinner in our living room, we hear the water tap being used outside so my husband gets up without warning and basically has a go at him telling him to stop coming in without At least asking and he wouldn't like it if we just walked in their back garden doing what we want. He was quite aggressive the way it came across.

My husband said I lack boundaries and get walked over but I feel so awkward as we are not on a meter and don't see the harm as such (maybe they should ask each time, but if I say yes they probably assume what's the point)

So basically am I being unreasonable to be slightly annoyed at my husband for having a go at him? As I don't want things to be awkward when we've only been here a few months?

OP posts:
Inkpotlover · 09/03/2023 07:48

I'm Team DH. Nobody needs to use an outdoor water tap that many times a day and the neighbour is showing he cares little about your privacy if he's doing it at times when it's feasible you could be sitting down to eat.

You haven't said how the neighbour reacted to DH snapping at him?

Snoken · 09/03/2023 07:54

I wouldn't like someone accessing my garden either but I don't think your DH was right to blow up on them like that. They had been given the all clear to use the tap and then all of a sudden your DH shouts at them for doing it. Your DH's aggressive behaviour will have an impact on your relationship with your neighbours so I would probably ask him to go and speak to them in a normal tone and explain why he did it. It's horrible to live with neighbours you don't get along with, especially when you live as close as it seems you do.

EyesOnThePies · 09/03/2023 07:55

I wouldn’t accept the gap in the fence and neighbours coming in at Will to use the tap.

But given that you had given the neighbours a green light, your DH did handle it badly. There was no need to be rude and aggressive to the neighbour, or undermine you publicly in that way.

I think you should agree with your DH that it is not reasonable to give people free access to your garden, and your DH could say to the neighbours ‘sorry for my tone the other night, I wasn’t aware that you had previously asked. But going forward I think we will feel more secure with clear boundaries. Please don’t take it personally “

SnackyOnassis · 09/03/2023 08:12

It's completely not petty or antisocial to make your property private. What worked as an arrangement with the previous occupant was between them, but he doesn't live there anymore and you do. Get a secure fence up on both sides, no more chickens roaming free, no more wandering into your garden, no more paying for your neighbours water (also makes me a bit uncomfortable that their disabled neighbour was paying their bills?)

Keep your plot private and tidy and you'll have no issues. Is it HA or have you bought the house? I'm sure if there was any legal right to shared access you would have been made aware of it when you were buying, so anything that's happening is on a casual basis.

Emotionalsupportviper · 09/03/2023 08:12

whippedlemons · 08/03/2023 23:29

Yep that's right.

But the dividing fence and gate between my garden and upstairs garden.. apparently the chickens also broke that fence and gate.

Show quote history

Are these the chickens OP?

www.reddit.com/r/NatureIsFuckingLit/comments/me4sec/the_shamo_is_a_japanese_fighting_breed_of_chicken/

If any chicken was carrying a shiv, this would be the one.

6strings1song · 09/03/2023 08:13

To answer pp, I think we got the tap lock off amazon.

These neighbours sound like the sort who if you went away on holiday for a month, you would come back and find they have set up a freestanding swimming pool in your garden...filled with your water. 😅

AlwaysFoldingWashing · 09/03/2023 08:25

Another one that agrees with your husband here. This is not a long term solution and they need to be making other arrangements

Uhave2changethings · 09/03/2023 08:34

Can't you put up something temporary across that gap - canes, trellis, pot plants - to mark the boundary and make the point? Put a lock on the outside tap. Tell you NDN (calmly) that the access to your water has come to an end. I'd also be considering some kind of screening or window film so there isn't a direct view between your kitchen and their conservatory.
Also, check the situation as regards the stop tap and upstairs. You need to be clear about these things. We were amazed to find when we moved into our house that we shared water pipes with next door but one!

BitOutOfPractice · 09/03/2023 08:34

So hold on, they are running a business next door that requires water (breeding giant fence-breaking chickens maybe?) but they have no water in their premises where they are running said business? It sounds 50 shades of dodgy to me.

The whole arrangement needs knocking on the head.

CMO · 09/03/2023 08:42

Neighbours are CFs and you are being a doormat. Team DH all the way.

Sassyfox · 09/03/2023 08:45

Going against the grain here obviously but I think DH was really rude.

They’ve been allowed to use the tap all this time and then he comes out and has a go at them for it.

All he had to do was tell them to nicely that he’d appreciate them asking before coming in your garden.

I personally would let them know you’re putting a fence up and so they won’t be able to use the tap anymore.

MachineBee · 09/03/2023 08:47

Another vote for Team DH. Tell your HA what the neighbours have been doing. Block the access to the tap and your garden. It’s not his amenity, he’s not using his water (and if he was it shouldn’t be on your wall - he can sort out a tap on his own property for his use) and I would also put up some prickly fast growing plants where he took down the hedge. If you let the arrangement continue, you will never get it sorted. Needs to be stopped right now as you have just moved in.

WisherWood · 09/03/2023 08:52

Not the point, but we moved into an unmetered property last year and the bills were ENORMOUS compared to our previous metred supply. We've had a meter installed and it is costing so much less and was really, really easy to have done. Also, when you get a meter you get it for two years trial and then can decide if you want to keep it (well, with SW water anyway).

The OP says she has shared supply with another flat, in which case she won't be able to have a meter fitted. I've encountered this a few times. In older properties you can't necessarily isolate a supply. In my case I've argued for a reduced bill on the grounds of single occupancy and no meter. I don't know what happens if it's multiple occupancy but fitting a meter may be difficult or impossible.

StaceySolomonSwash · 09/03/2023 08:58

drspouse · 08/03/2023 22:49

Can the neighbour run a hose from the tap with a tap his end too? Then he can just turn it on while he's in his garden.

It's not the neighbour's water supply...

pinkyredrose · 09/03/2023 09:06

The neighbour took the piss out of the previous neighbour, don't let him take the piss out of you too.

starfishmummy · 09/03/2023 09:10

First I'd be getting the tap removed or at least locked.

Then I'd check the deeds to find out about the boundaries and restore them. Is it possible the gap is because there is a right of way for the neighbour - obviously your solicitor should have found this out if there is. Obviously if you don't own the particular boundary anything you put up to close gaps will need to be wholly on your side of the boundary line.

Motnight · 09/03/2023 09:14

WisherWood · 09/03/2023 08:52

Not the point, but we moved into an unmetered property last year and the bills were ENORMOUS compared to our previous metred supply. We've had a meter installed and it is costing so much less and was really, really easy to have done. Also, when you get a meter you get it for two years trial and then can decide if you want to keep it (well, with SW water anyway).

The OP says she has shared supply with another flat, in which case she won't be able to have a meter fitted. I've encountered this a few times. In older properties you can't necessarily isolate a supply. In my case I've argued for a reduced bill on the grounds of single occupancy and no meter. I don't know what happens if it's multiple occupancy but fitting a meter may be difficult or impossible.

We have a shared water supply. Took us ages but we managed to get a reduced bill. One water meter for both supplies had been installed and the water company tried to charge us for it. It is impossible to isolate the supply without fitting another water meter for next door in our loft, which we refused. 2 people in our house, 4 people next door. Not sure what they are paying.

But - Team DH!

Shinyandnew1 · 09/03/2023 09:15

At one point they've fitted a outdoor tap under my kitchen window (this was all previously so fair enough) and use the water from this flat (I'm guessing their on a meter)

Sorry, wasn’t sure from the ‘they’ve’-who is paying for the water that your neighbour is using?

JackHackettsMac · 09/03/2023 09:21

Goodness OP, stop being a people pleaser and grow a backbone. Your DH has the right idea.

I can’t believe that you naively accepted everything the neighbour told you about access to your garden and using your outdoor tap.

Also, chickens might be descended from dinosaurs but they’re not mini T-Rex’s. I’ve kept chickens for years and there’s no way they demolished a fence unless it was completely rotten to start off with and they all jumped up and down on it simultaneously. 🤔😂

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 09/03/2023 09:23

All he had to do was tell them to nicely that he’d appreciate them asking before coming in your garden.

All he had to do was tell them not to come into your garden nicely. Why would anyone allow this?! Their kids wouldn't be playing in my garden and their CF father wouldn't be using my water!

I'd also be considering some kind of screening or window film so there isn't a direct view between your kitchen and their conservatory.

I'd prefer a fence on my land in this situation, or some tall bushes.

MojoDaysxx · 09/03/2023 09:26

Do they have a legal right of way into your garden? If not then they probaby shouldn't be there. Why are they using your water and not their own.
It's not that difficult to run a hoze pipe off their own tap.

TheNoodlesIncident · 09/03/2023 09:32

I don't think he was right to lose his rag at them when the last time it happened there was agreement that they could do this. You would need to have a polite conversation where you tell them that it has to stop with immediate effect.

But on the other hand I can understand why he feels the rage. The neighbours have been taking advantage terribly, helping themselves to someone else's water and traipsing around in someone else's garden when they want. I hope it can be sorted more amicably as it's much nicer to be on good relations with your neighbours.

But if you have children allowed access and chickens allowed access, no way would I be believing that it was the chickens who damaged a fence and gate. That's just silly.

Aweebitpainful · 09/03/2023 09:35

Chickens didn’t do that lol.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 09/03/2023 09:43

I bet they’re popping over every time they want to fill up their kettle or need a pan of water!

Yes, for sure. They probably asked once if they could be cheeky and fill a huge pool on an unusually hot day from the unmetered supply, but then they got the bug. They figured that they could save several pounds for the pool, but the pennies for every kettle or saucepan all mount up as well, so why not use the 'free' water for those as well.

Like when MPs some employees are told that they can claim expenses for significant, legitimate costs, but then they end up resenting having to buy anything from their own money, however small and however unrelated to their employment; so it all goes on the workplace bunce.

Personally, I'm not convinced that a metered supply would be right for us, as we already live in one of the cheapest areas, and I always think that, if there were ever a massive leak inside our boundary, we wouldn't get stung; however, plenty of people do prefer the metered option.

If it were the case that OP's household usage would be cheaper if they went metered, but they don't because the neighbour's free abundant usage would/could end up costing them way more; then even though it's currently unmetered, they are still basically paying for the neighbour's water as well.

HereForTheFreeLunch · 09/03/2023 09:45

OP, next time someone puts you on the spot (like CF telling you how your garden and your water is all theirs) say you need to take a minute to think it over.

Even if you don't feel you can say "No", you can say 'I'll think it over'. And this way you haven't said 'yes' to cf'ery.