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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dh handled neighbours terribly?

303 replies

whippedlemons · 08/03/2023 22:37

Good Evening,

I thought I'd ask on here to gauge if I'm lacking in complete boundaries or if my husband over reacted.

So we recently moved into a ground floor maisonette, we have the back garden. The previous tenant was quite friendly with next door and he would let their children play in the garden etc. when next door fitted a conservatory they took down the whole hedge and built it on the boundary line so I look out my kitchen window directly to their conservatory wall. They left a space between the wall to the hedge so they have access to our garden. (E.g when they had chickens, they would wander around the garden (pre us moving in as they died a few days prior) )

At one point they've fitted a outdoor tap under my kitchen window (this was all previously so fair enough) and use the water from this flat (I'm guessing their on a meter)

Fast forward to now, we've moved in, made friends with them, I get along with the wife etc and I like her

He asked to use the water so I said yes few months back, but often would just walk through his garden through the gap to use it, sometimes daily.

Where as I didn't want to disrupt what they've been custom to for years my husband finds it incredibly invasive and hates it.

Well today as we were all eating dinner in our living room, we hear the water tap being used outside so my husband gets up without warning and basically has a go at him telling him to stop coming in without At least asking and he wouldn't like it if we just walked in their back garden doing what we want. He was quite aggressive the way it came across.

My husband said I lack boundaries and get walked over but I feel so awkward as we are not on a meter and don't see the harm as such (maybe they should ask each time, but if I say yes they probably assume what's the point)

So basically am I being unreasonable to be slightly annoyed at my husband for having a go at him? As I don't want things to be awkward when we've only been here a few months?

OP posts:
WalkingThroughTreacle · 08/03/2023 23:05

whippedlemons · 08/03/2023 23:00

Yes! This is what I told him afterwards.

I think I'm annoyed at the delivery

Show quote history

And he's presumably annoyed at your lack of delivery so maybe just let that balance out. The only people at fault here are you neighbours who have no boundaries (pun intended). Don't let their lack of etiquette cause a rift between you and your husband because they are really not worth it.

Not that it really matter, because your garden is your garden, but if they can afford a conservatory they can afford to pay for their own bloody water. I'd also be checking if they actually got planning permission for their extension seeing as it appears to encroach unreasonably on your property.

CC4712 · 08/03/2023 23:09

I'm confused. Prior to you moving in- they installed a tap, but its connected under YOUR window? So who pays for this water supply? You or them?

I agree with DH, but would have been more diplomatic and set clear boundaries sooner than it getting to an explosive stage.

Forensix · 08/03/2023 23:10

So these neighbours have been using this tap for years, no skin off your nose as its not metered. And suddenly today DH goes blazing and causes murder with the neighbours. Yeah I'd be pissed off with how he's done it, the neighbours will think he's a prick for that.

Not saying he's not right, but the delivery was ridiculous.

GrumpyPanda · 08/03/2023 23:13

drspouse · 08/03/2023 22:49

Can the neighbour run a hose from the tap with a tap his end too? Then he can just turn it on while he's in his garden.

Why on earth should the neighbour be able to run a hose from the tap in OP's wall, through OP's garden, to carry OP's water? Free-riding with the best of them. OK so OP doesn't (yet?) pay for the water, but it's a massive nuisance nonetheless, and they're ripping off the utility.

UrsulaPandress · 08/03/2023 23:15

Sorry but I’m with your DH. I’d stop all access to your garden and your tap and water.

I’m interested in the chickens that can break down fencing.

girlfriend44 · 08/03/2023 23:18

WalkingThroughTreacle · 08/03/2023 22:45

I'm with your husband. Your neighbours are absolute piss-takers and need to be told straight. People like them get away with their nonsense by relying on the reluctance of others to stand up for themselves or risk causing a fuss. It's your garden, not theirs. Their need for water is not your problem to solve.

You have to live next door to neighbours though so you have to handle everything with kid gloves.

RotundBeagle · 08/03/2023 23:20

I’m interested in the chickens that can break down fencing.

OP said the neighbors left a gap in the hedge so they don't need to.

Bellavida99 · 08/03/2023 23:22

If you’re in the uk you will be put on a meter as new occupants get put on a meter when they move into unmetered properties. Also 99% of people are significantly better off on a meter as the unmetered ratable charge allows for huge use so I’d advise you chase up getting a meter asap and use that as an excuse for not allowing them to use your water any more. Also if you’re in the uk separate properties must have an independent supply eg if a house is converted into 2 flats they must get a new supply for second flat.

UrsulaPandress · 08/03/2023 23:25

@RotundBeagle she said the neighbour’s old chickens broke the gate …..

XanaduKira · 08/03/2023 23:26

I'm team DH.

Original poster
whippedlemons · 08/03/2023 23:29

RotundBeagle · 08/03/2023 23:20

I’m interested in the chickens that can break down fencing.

OP said the neighbors left a gap in the hedge so they don't need to.

Yep that's right.

But the dividing fence and gate between my garden and upstairs garden.. apparently the chickens also broke that fence and gate.

OP posts:
WomensLandArmy · 08/03/2023 23:29

Not the point, but we moved into an unmetered property last year and the bills were ENORMOUS compared to our previous metred supply. We've had a meter installed and it is costing so much less and was really, really easy to have done. Also, when you get a meter you get it for two years trial and then can decide if you want to keep it (well, with SW water anyway).
PS Team DH here too.

Wonnle · 08/03/2023 23:33

whippedlemons · 08/03/2023 22:57

They did.
The previous tenant was disabled, so didn't use his garden. Also upstairs tenant told me when we first moved in that my stop tap is also for her water supply too and she has access to the water and told me if I turn my stop tap off then it shuts her whole water off. (I checked this, and she never came once to tell me her waters off, and when I turn my stop tap off the outside does not work)

She has some of the garden too. It was fenced off (4ft fence) and gated but apparently the neighbours old chickens broke the gate so that's something we need to fix as anyone from the street can potentially walk through upstairs garden straight into mine etc and it's a safety concern on that side too.

Show quote history

They were some chickens if they could break a gate , were they frozen and fired from a cannon ?

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 08/03/2023 23:35

I'm just here for a diagram of the chickens and their carnage

MadamArcati99 · 08/03/2023 23:36

I am guessing originally it was a quid pro quo arrangement. The neighbour installed the tap in exchange for being able to enter your garden and use it,
I don't know the legal jargon but I believe that if this arrangement has been in place 20 years , an easement is created and it becomes his right to continue to do so.

TerribleInsomniac · 08/03/2023 23:41

I agree with your dh not wanting neighbours in your garden
I don’t think he handled the situation well with your neighbours. If indeed he was rude.

Your neighbours should not be in your garden,
should not have access to it. I would block access.
should not be using your water as they need to access your garden.

I would hate the lack of privacy and invasion of space.
Your neighbour needs to find ways to deal with the water issue himself, a barrel under a downpipe for example.

6strings1song · 08/03/2023 23:42

Team dh here. Nip the situation in the bud now. Get a tap lock (opens with a little magnetic key) and fix the fence.

You don't want them gaining any right of access to your land.

If you're worried about upsetting them, then claim you have had a water meter fitted and can only afford your own supply. Definitely get a tap lock in this case....they might sneakily try and use it.

We had to get tap lock as our tap was fitted to the front of the house and I suspected a neighbour was either using the water to power wash their patio....or another neighbour's builder was using it. Strangely our bill and usage dropped immediately once fitted.

TerribleInsomniac · 08/03/2023 23:42

MadamArcati99 · 08/03/2023 23:36

I am guessing originally it was a quid pro quo arrangement. The neighbour installed the tap in exchange for being able to enter your garden and use it,
I don't know the legal jargon but I believe that if this arrangement has been in place 20 years , an easement is created and it becomes his right to continue to do so.

No
If it goes to court the neighbour would lose.

Original poster
whippedlemons · 08/03/2023 23:44

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 08/03/2023 23:35

I'm just here for a diagram of the chickens and their carnage

Okay I'm going to have to do a diagram lmao!

OP posts:
Clymene · 08/03/2023 23:45

MadamArcati99 · 08/03/2023 23:36

I am guessing originally it was a quid pro quo arrangement. The neighbour installed the tap in exchange for being able to enter your garden and use it,
I don't know the legal jargon but I believe that if this arrangement has been in place 20 years , an easement is created and it becomes his right to continue to do so.

Where's the quid pro quo? The neighbours put a tap in the OP's garden for them to use and also could use their garden.

Where's the benefit to the OP (or her vendor)? It feels like they took advantage of a disabled woman to me Sad

VeganFromSveden · 08/03/2023 23:48

Thank you 🙏🏻 6strings for the info re a tap lock with magnetic key… would it be for sale on eBay, you think?

Hawkins003 · 08/03/2023 23:49

whippedlemons · 08/03/2023 23:44

Okay I'm going to have to do a diagram lmao!

Show quote history

These seem like chickens. From a darpa laboratory

watcherintherye · 08/03/2023 23:49

I bet they’re popping over every time they want to fill up their kettle or need a pan of water!

Greenfinch7 · 08/03/2023 23:50

If something has been accepted for a long time, it is wrong to get mad about it the first time you mention it.

First, tell the neighbours in a friendly way that the situation has changed and you don't want them to use the tap and have access to your garden any more. Then get mad if they ignore your wishes.

People explode out of the blue because they hold things in and then release them in a disturbing way. It is much better not to stew over things but to communicate thoughtfully whenever necessary.

randomuser2019 · 08/03/2023 23:51

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.