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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed about being asked for money?

166 replies

Xzxzxzxz · 08/03/2023 21:15

I know a man through volunteering at an organisation we're both interested in. I would say we are friendly acquaintances. Tonight he messaged asking if I could lend him money because he can't afford to put his gas on till Monday. I asked how much and he said £25.

I have sent it because I felt guilty if he was freezing and I could help, but AIBU to feel annoyed that he asked and put me in an awkward position? I don't want it to become a regular occurrence and it has made me feel uncomfortable. AIBU to be a bit annoyed by the request, or should I just accept he had no option but to ask because of his circumstances?

OP posts:
DaltWisney · 08/03/2023 21:19

Does he have any other family or friends? Or has he just come immediately to you for this money? Does he work?

purpleme12 · 08/03/2023 21:20

Do you like him and believe him?

And do you have enough money to give him at minute?

Jeschara · 08/03/2023 21:21

I might have lent the money,but on the condition I was not asked again, and the money would be paid back.

I would never ask though, let's hope he is genuine.

Lilyandroses · 08/03/2023 21:21

I’m the same I get uncomfortable if someone asks me for money. I had a work colleague who asked me for money as he was running low before payday - I felt inclined too as he mentioned food for his children. It took him almost 2 months to pay me back. Unfortunately, after that it became a monthly thing but I said no to him (which I felt guilty for) but you really do need to set boundaries. I would get anxiety every time he’d ask but you have to just say sorry - no I can’t.

I’m not sure if would lend to a friendly acquaintance mind you.

ObviouslyIchangedmyname · 08/03/2023 21:21

Why will be need to use £25 of gas between now and Monday? Just say no in future, you should’ve said no this time.

Original poster
Xzxzxzxz · 08/03/2023 21:21

He said he'd asked his friends but they couldn't, and he doesn't know anyone else. He doesn't work, I think perhaps due to health reasons.

I feel so sorry for him, but I'm not entirely convinced I'll get it back and I wish he hadn't asked.

OP posts:
Original poster
Xzxzxzxz · 08/03/2023 21:22

purpleme12 · 08/03/2023 21:20

Do you like him and believe him?

And do you have enough money to give him at minute?

I like him well enough but don't want to be friends or anything. I do believe that he struggles for money.

OP posts:
kitcat15 · 08/03/2023 21:23

I wouldn’t have …..even if he pays you back it’s going to be awkward moving forward

Againstmachine · 08/03/2023 21:24

Whilst you may like him this may be a grift he has going on be careful as you will be asked again.

Original poster
Xzxzxzxz · 08/03/2023 21:24

ObviouslyIchangedmyname · 08/03/2023 21:21

Why will be need to use £25 of gas between now and Monday? Just say no in future, you should’ve said no this time.

£25 for four days would be about right, wouldn't it? My smart metre is on about £10 a day when it's this cold, although that includes electric.

OP posts:
BadgerFacedCoo · 08/03/2023 21:26

Xzxzxzxz · 08/03/2023 21:21

He said he'd asked his friends but they couldn't, and he doesn't know anyone else. He doesn't work, I think perhaps due to health reasons.

I feel so sorry for him, but I'm not entirely convinced I'll get it back and I wish he hadn't asked.

When you're borrowing off 'friendly-acquaitances' the goodwill has run out elsewhere.

Even if he repays, don't lend him money again. It makes you uncomfortable and you're not obliged.

Coyoacan · 08/03/2023 21:26

Only lend what you can afford to lose. If he pays you back, you know you can lend him again.

LittleMG · 08/03/2023 21:27

Advice to keep you sane. Do it or don’t do it and live with the consequences. You’ve given the money, on your part it was sent in good faith so just move on with that. If you don’t want to do it again you’ll have to say no. You can only effect and change what you do not what other people do.

Squirma · 08/03/2023 21:29

You are happy to volunteer for an organisation but you felt annoyed when a friend asked you for help?

Wow.

He probably felt more awkward asking you, than you felt being asked.

You could have just said no too.

BasiliskStare · 08/03/2023 21:31

I think that put you in a difficult position. Has you known his circumstances and offered that would be different. If you can afford the £25 then I would always say - better to help someone out than not - even if it turns out to be not quite what you think it was & if you can can afford the £25.

If a loan I would ask him when you can expect it back . If you don't get it back then just say no next time. If you do get it back I would say it makes you uncomfortable and he needs to make other arrangements. so still no.

I think it is good of you to help him out but I would not expect an acquaintance to ask me to lend them money - good friend for eg. a taxi & I know I will get it back asap yes I would

Original poster
Xzxzxzxz · 08/03/2023 21:32

Squirma · 08/03/2023 21:29

You are happy to volunteer for an organisation but you felt annoyed when a friend asked you for help?

Wow.

He probably felt more awkward asking you, than you felt being asked.

You could have just said no too.

He's not my friend.

OP posts:
HewasH2O · 08/03/2023 21:34

You are happy to volunteer for an organisation but you felt annoyed when a friend asked you for help?

Volunteering is giving your time to a cause you support. Lending money to a casual acquaintance is entirely different as it puts you in a difficult position. You may not be able to afford it or may not feel you can ask for it back. It crosses a line.

Northernsouloldies · 08/03/2023 21:34

Had this with a neighbour, he asked to borrow I offered ten he needed 20. I'll pay u back when I get uc sorted. I said no keep it on the condition don't ever ask again. Problem solved.

FrownedUpon · 08/03/2023 21:35

I find it cringey when people ask for money. It’s putting you in an awkward position. I’d just say no next time or he might do it regularly.

kitcat15 · 08/03/2023 21:35

Squirma · 08/03/2023 21:29

You are happy to volunteer for an organisation but you felt annoyed when a friend asked you for help?

Wow.

He probably felt more awkward asking you, than you felt being asked.

You could have just said no too.

But they are not ‘friends’🙄

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 08/03/2023 21:37

You absolute numpty. You're now his easy mark for ever more. You're never getting that money back, so write it off, but for gods sake don't give him any more

Riverlee · 08/03/2023 21:40

To me, something sounds a bit off. You state he’s not your friend, just an acquaintance and yet he has asked you for money. Maybe his friends won’t (won’t not can’t) because he’s always asking them for money. Next time he asks (and I think he will), tell him to contact his energy company who will help him. Don’t lend him any more money, I fear this could be the start of a lot of requests.

Sorry to be so cynical.

BourbonBon · 08/03/2023 21:40

I would have said no.

I never lend nor borrow money. It’s a slippery slope on both sides

BloodyThursday · 08/03/2023 21:41

Maybe when (or if) he gives it back to you say you were happy to help him in this occasion but you will be unable to help him again in the future. If he doesn't give it back then it's. Lesley a no anyway.

Northernsouloldies · 08/03/2023 21:41

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 08/03/2023 21:37

You absolute numpty. You're now his easy mark for ever more. You're never getting that money back, so write it off, but for gods sake don't give him any more

Even if she gets the original 25back it will be not be long before he's tapping her for money again. These types see kindness as weakness. Set him straight op.