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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To suggest putting trousers on to go out in the snow

347 replies

Shebelievedshecouldbutshecba · 08/03/2023 19:49

DS was being taken to football today. Was in football kit ready to go. DH asked him to put trousers on before getting in the car, given it was snowing. DS refused point blank. DH said he wasn’t taking him unless he put the trousers on. I agreed. DS refused, so DH wouldn’t take him and we now have had a 2h tantrum (with screaming) about what awful parents we are.

WWBU? I don’t think we were. Would have taken him less than a minute to put the trousers on, the consequence of not doing so was clearly laid out, and then we followed through with the consequence.

And any guesses how old DS is?

OP posts:
Gonners · 08/03/2023 20:51

Orangetapemeasure · 08/03/2023 20:47

The phrase ‘pick your battles’ springs to mind.
my mum always says ‘will it matter in 2 hours, 2 days, 2months, 2 years’. Very little actually matters.

True. But it works both ways. I wonder whether DS - for whom the consequence was that he didn't go to football - has taken this on board? If so, then it's quite a useful lesson.

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 08/03/2023 20:51

Nimbostratus100 · 08/03/2023 20:49

actually, potentially risking your kid getting hypothermia matters

and guess what, some people who went out unprepared got hypothermia today

Show quote history

The child would have been outdoors wearing shorts no matter what. The trousers would have been worn in the car. In these set of circumstances the trousers/no trousers has no bearing on the hypothermia.

Violetcrush · 08/03/2023 20:53

Mine’s been to football training in shorts tonight… 3 degrees here and raining!

Nimbostratus100 · 08/03/2023 20:53

category12 · 08/03/2023 20:51

Very unlikely a 12 r old boy is going to get hypothermia walking from his house to a car and from the car to a club. Unless OP is in Siberia.

Show quote history

very unlikely indeed in that scenario

If the car breaks down

If the car gets stuck in snow

If the road closes

Then it changes from unlikely into likely.

It is stupid to go out in this weather unprepared

The parents gave a reasonable, responsible instruction

Sunriseinwonderland · 08/03/2023 20:54

It isn't a hill I'd die on whether I was the child or the parents. A 2 hour tantrum does sound excessive to be fair.
When I was that age I might have sulked for a bit but a 2 hour tantrum...no.
May be a bit more communication needed on bothe sides.

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 08/03/2023 20:54

Nimbostratus100 · 08/03/2023 20:53

very unlikely indeed in that scenario

If the car breaks down

If the car gets stuck in snow

If the road closes

Then it changes from unlikely into likely.

It is stupid to go out in this weather unprepared

The parents gave a reasonable, responsible instruction

Show quote history

Nonsense. On that basis they should have just packed the trousers as a few sensible posters have suggested.

category12 · 08/03/2023 20:56

Nimbostratus100 · 08/03/2023 20:53

very unlikely indeed in that scenario

If the car breaks down

If the car gets stuck in snow

If the road closes

Then it changes from unlikely into likely.

It is stupid to go out in this weather unprepared

The parents gave a reasonable, responsible instruction

Show quote history

You're really reaching here, just how thick do you think these trousers are going to be to make a difference in that scenario? 😂

Newmum0322 · 08/03/2023 20:56

YABU for telling him he couldn’t go if he wasn’t wearing shorts - natural consequences are best, particularly in older children. You were right to to follow through once you’d made that threat and he refused, it’s just a shame it was made in the first place.

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 08/03/2023 20:56

Sunriseinwonderland · 08/03/2023 20:54

It isn't a hill I'd die on whether I was the child or the parents. A 2 hour tantrum does sound excessive to be fair.
When I was that age I might have sulked for a bit but a 2 hour tantrum...no.
May be a bit more communication needed on bothe sides.

But if the parents don't pick that hill the child isn't on it.

Quartz2208 · 08/03/2023 20:57

At 12 surely he is old enough to make his own choice. Why are you forcing a 12 year old to wear something he can make his own decision.

and he was going to play in shorts!

carriedout · 08/03/2023 20:57

@Shebelievedshecouldbutshecba well done for reflecting. I agree with the majority, I would have suggested but not forced. I'd have chucked a pair in the car in case.

Go and discuss, it'll mean the world to him if you admit you were too strict.

Bettyboop3 · 08/03/2023 20:57

Nimbostratus100 · 08/03/2023 20:50

He was given a perfectly reasonable instruction

He refused instruction

He got consequences.

All these parents saying "pick your battles" - who is actually having to pick up the battles that you have abdicated from? Schools.

What are you on about? Nobody should have picked this battle, there was no need for it because as everybody else on here has agreed, it was a pointless argument and totally not needed. Children do not need to be totally controlled. It just causes frustration and anger.

justasking111 · 08/03/2023 20:59

Trousers in bag for afterwards. He can't wear them playing anyway

Supergirl1958 · 08/03/2023 20:59

I mean I saw 6 year olds playing out with no cost on whilst it was snowing before, in a school playground so I mean 🤦‍♀️

Nimbostratus100 · 08/03/2023 21:00

category12 · 08/03/2023 20:56

You're really reaching here, just how thick do you think these trousers are going to be to make a difference in that scenario? 😂

Show quote history

of course I am not reaching.

basic adult common sense

People who were caught out in the incorrect clothing today got hypothermia

CatOnTheChair · 08/03/2023 21:01

DS2 (11) and I now have an agreement after many conversations along the lines of "its too cold for that amount of clothes".
I don't buy him trousers. If I insist on trousers, he will wear his brother's cast offs. About 5 days a year.
A coat must go with us (but not worn unless he chooses to).
I figure he's had long enough to work out shorts = cold legs, and he's not bothered by it. I'm proposing a postman job for him!

ThinWomansBrain · 08/03/2023 21:03

if he is going to be running round a football pitch in shorts when he gets there, I don't see the point of making a bit thing of it - chuck them in the car so he can wear them on the way home.

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 08/03/2023 21:04

Nimbostratus100 · 08/03/2023 21:00

of course I am not reaching.

basic adult common sense

People who were caught out in the incorrect clothing today got hypothermia

Show quote history

Well that's a bit of a broad statement to the point of being irrelevant as there's no way of saying it would be incorrect clothing. Kid would have had football shorts and socks on, trousers wouldn't have added much more protection, not to mention the OP just says "snowing", no indication as to the severity.

MrsMorrisey · 08/03/2023 21:05

My boys used to refuse to wear long pants and it used to do my head in.
Then one day I just let go and thought, it's your body🤷‍♀️

However I can understand that there are often consequences of the child's decisions that ultimately affect the parents later. For instance, become unwell, child needs to stay hone, parents need time off work, bills can't get paid.
So as parents we do see the bigger picture however most of the time it's ok and you realise you've given yourself so much stress over a small issue.

I can also see the point though that you gave him an instruction which he didn't follow therefore showing a lack of respect for your authority.

It's a tricky one but in the whole scheme of life is a small one.

Wrongsideofpennines · 08/03/2023 21:06

My husband wears shorts all year round. He has just been to work outdoors in shorts. It's snowing and a few hours ago it was 1 degree. He just doesn't feel the cold in the same way as I do and it just isn't necessary for him to wear another layer.

I think at 12 he would have learnt that he got cold and should have listened to his parents advice. The alternative is that he didn't get cold and knew his own body. I think that's all there should have been yo it.

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 08/03/2023 21:06

Most postmen wear shorts year round, even in snow. They are out for longer and doing steadier exercise.

Ultravox · 08/03/2023 21:06

My DS wore shorts to school every single day from age 5-11 including during the beast from the east when it got to -12 here. After P2 I didn’t even bother buying school trousers for him as I knew he wouldn’t wear them.

Of course I would have liked him to wear trousers but this was a case of “pick your battles”.

Nimbostratus100 · 08/03/2023 21:06

met office advice for car journey in this weather

It's sensible to have some warm clothes to wrap up in case of a breakdown - a big coat, gloves, a spare jumper, hat and gloves.

I think its fairly self evident that leg covering is assumed!

They also suggest you should have food drink, shovel torch, blankets, sunglasses, phone charger in the car

This is because, in conditions like this, breakdowns happen, road closures happen, and people get stranded for hours.

MeinKraft · 08/03/2023 21:06

The big teenage strop was probably about being told what to do, not about not being allowed to play in the snow. Hormones and feelings and stuff innit. Tomorrows another day.

icypompoms · 08/03/2023 21:06

@Nimbostratus100

Who do you think will have honestly died today?

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