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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To suggest putting trousers on to go out in the snow

347 replies

Shebelievedshecouldbutshecba · 08/03/2023 19:49

DS was being taken to football today. Was in football kit ready to go. DH asked him to put trousers on before getting in the car, given it was snowing. DS refused point blank. DH said he wasn’t taking him unless he put the trousers on. I agreed. DS refused, so DH wouldn’t take him and we now have had a 2h tantrum (with screaming) about what awful parents we are.

WWBU? I don’t think we were. Would have taken him less than a minute to put the trousers on, the consequence of not doing so was clearly laid out, and then we followed through with the consequence.

And any guesses how old DS is?

OP posts:
toastofthetown · 08/03/2023 20:13

At my ice skating class, someone frequently wears shorts and sheer tights. Wouldn't be for me, but you do warm up as you exercise. If he doesn't wear shorts the worst thing that would happen is he has cold legs and learns for next time. Best case is he's fine in the shorts. But your husband and you just escalated the situation and dug in on a non-issue. You won't gain respect from your son by following through with a pointless consequence. Admitting you overreacted to the shorts and apologising would be better.

icypompoms · 08/03/2023 20:15

Shebelievedshecouldbutshecba · 08/03/2023 20:13

He’s 12. Some good posts here, I have showed DH the thread and we are both taking points on board.

Well done OP don't dwell too much. Tomorrow is another day.

Definitely speak to your son though to clear the air.

Tacocatgoatcheesepizza · 08/03/2023 20:18

At 12 you 100% let them get on with it. He’s not going to die of cold, the literal worst thing that can happen is he has cold legs. Who cares! He’s old enough to know that and to deal with it.

Ladybug14 · 08/03/2023 20:20

Shebelievedshecouldbutshecba · 08/03/2023 20:13

He’s 12. Some good posts here, I have showed DH the thread and we are both taking points on board.

You stopped your TWLEVE year old going to football because he wouldn't put trousers on?

Jesus! Poor kid.

Give the child some autonomy fgs.

BewareTheBeardedDragon · 08/03/2023 20:21

My 11yo ds never wears trousers. He spent all day today in his thin school shorts in the snow. He's just more comfortable that way.

His bro wears long johns and trousers as standard and today wore two pairs of long johns under his trousers. They're twins but evidently have very different internal body thermometers.

It would have to be some very unusual and extreme circs for a healthy young boy to suffer any serious health consequences from wearing shorts while it's cold.

I'm afraid I think ywbu.

WonderingWanda · 08/03/2023 20:21

I would've suggested trousers and then put them in the car when he refused and inevitably got cold legs after football and wanted them. When my dd was a toddler she was always refusing to put her shoes on, I used to just pick them up and say 'ok then, let's go' she would watch incredulous as I stepped into into the rain and waited for her. The more you insist with kids the more they will back themselves into a corner.

CraigLawyerLifeguardPomeroy · 08/03/2023 20:22

At 12 the consequence of wearing shorts in the snow should be you might get cold, not the drama of refusing to take him to the training. If he got too cold he'd know for next time to wear trousers.

I'm a shorts wearer whenever possible regardless of the weather, espciallt when exercising, even today, always been like that, I just don't feel the cold that much on my legs and when you start running about it's fine.

whatwasIgoingtosay · 08/03/2023 20:22

Your title is misleading - you didn't 'suggest'; you gave an order. I think YABU

cocksstrideintheevening · 08/03/2023 20:23

12?! Let him get on with it.thought you were going to say three.

Teens don't get cold wear coats or warm clothes. They're invincible obvs.

Boomboom22 · 08/03/2023 20:23

Why? How long is the walk to the car and then football? Even with snow it's hardly artic

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 08/03/2023 20:23

You should've let him take the consequence of his choice (get cold legs). He missed out on the chance to learn, and you caused huge ructions by not letting him play football. As others have said, pick your battles.

MrsMitford3 · 08/03/2023 20:24

At 12 he is old enough to decide and suffer the consequences.

Very very overbearing parenting.

ReadersD1gest · 08/03/2023 20:24

He was on the pitch in shorts, why did he have to wear trousers in the car?!

SD1978 · 08/03/2023 20:25

If he's above the age of 8- absolutely agree. He was asked to do something, and didn't. Therefore he doesn't go. If it's a 4 yr old, then consequences, he freezes. Any child who has comprehension and reasoning should have just done it.

StaunchMomma · 08/03/2023 20:27

I'd say pick your battles, really.

Surely he would have learned more from being cold?

It seems to be a bit of a thing at my DS's primary to not wear trousers. Every year we get a message from the Head to please put trousers on them when it's icy and they all kick off about it. They all did PE outside in shorts today. We're supposed to send them in in shorts and joggers but they take them off!

It's strange but then kids are a bit, aren't they!

dementedpixie · 08/03/2023 20:27

I dont agree @SD1978. At age 12 he can decide for himself if he will get cold legs. He's going to be running about at football so is hardly going to suffer from hypothermia

Runningonjammiedodgers · 08/03/2023 20:28

YABU.

My 13 year old set of to school this morning in the pouring rain with no coat (no snow here sadly). I strongly recommend he wore a coat, he went against advice, I imagine he got very wet. But he is old enough to chose and he wasn't about to come to any harm.

At 12 he is old enough to decide how to dress for the weather and old enough to put up with the consequences.

Only time I would say otherwise is if he refused to wear suncream on a holiday abroad. Then I would put my foot down.

NewMum0305 · 08/03/2023 20:28

Why are people having a go when the OP has already said both she and her DH are taking the points on board?

Schopfitzer · 08/03/2023 20:28

YWBU. A 12 yr old can decide whether s/he wants to be cold or not. If they get cold the first time, they might wear something different the second time. This is absolutely not a hill I would have died on when my children were that age.

EpicChaos · 08/03/2023 20:28

I'ma guess that your son is 17, thereabouts. Almost grown adult anyway?

My immediate thought was you and your hubby were in the right and then i remembered all the times that i went out in bad weather, including snow and ice, in flimsy dresses.
Now i see young girls heading for a night out and i think, i wish they'd put a coat on, they'll catch their deaths!
So on reflection, i think he maybe should have learned the hard way and gone as he was.

Doggydooda · 08/03/2023 20:28

Even when my children were under 5 I never insisted on coats hats etc . Absolutely not worth the stress and hassle. I just took their coats with me and waited for them to announce they were cold .A 12 year old is more than capable of deciding if they are going to be cold or not!

Schopfitzer · 08/03/2023 20:29

BTW, shorts were compulsory for boys at my DS's prep school - ie until they were 13.

Grimbelina · 08/03/2023 20:29

I think your son is showing you that he isn't a child anymore and you are going to have to change how you relate to him (collaboratively, working with him not dictating to him) or you could end up with much worse issues than wearing shorts in the cold...

whynotwhatknot · 08/03/2023 20:29

wouldnt he have taken them off for footie anyway

its up to him surely to decide if hes cold or not

Arsewangry · 08/03/2023 20:32

Personally I would have just taken the trousers with me.

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