To suggest putting trousers on to go out in the snow

[Shebelievedshecouldbutshecba]

DS was being taken to football today. Was in football kit ready to go. DH asked him to put trousers on before getting in the car, given it was snowing. DS refused point blank. DH said he wasn’t taking him unless he put the trousers on. I agreed. DS refused, so DH wouldn’t take him and we now have had a 2h tantrum (with screaming) about what awful parents we are.

WWBU? I don’t think we were. Would have taken him less than a minute to put the trousers on, the consequence of not doing so was clearly laid out, and then we followed through with the consequence.

And any guesses how old DS is?

At most I would have suggested a base layer would be a good idea but I don't think Ds ever wore trousers to football and played from age 4 to 17, it's not an argument worth having.

Bearing in mind a two hour tantrum, 7 years old?

Absolute non event then total over-reaction from the pair of you. Logically, he's going to be playing in shorts so he'd only be wearing trousers in the car anyway pretty much. Ridiculous.

I don't even make my 4 year old wear a coat, I'll take one with us and if he feels cold he'll put it on, he runs hot, DH is the same. I'm always cold!

I'd have taken the trousers in the car in case he needed them and reminded him he could put them on if he was cold on the way there or on the way back. He's old enough to know and say he's OK and not be dressed or forced to dress like a toddler.

I go hiking a lot and honestly once you're moving you really don't need to be layered up as your body heat really does kick in.

You sound like you were quite pleased with yourself for sticking to your guns about this. What would have happened if he got cold legs though? Nothing.

What has happened? He has missed football and you’ve all got cross.

Fair enough for a baby or toddler, but different people feel the cold/care about being cold to different extents and he’s had 12 years of experience of how he feels (especially when playing football). I would never want to wear warm clothes to do exercise.

Unless there is a previous incident of him getting cold and blaming you, then yes, you and your husband were unreasonable.

I’m speaking as someone who never wears a coat. It’s my decision and the consequences are mine only, so it’s nobody else’s business.

Yeah, the last thing he deserves is further punishment that stops him doing a healthy activity.

Honestly that’s seriously messed up parenting advice, guided by some kind of disturbing obsession with authority and parents never being wrong or even compromising.

And why is the age relevant? You've messed up and he's annoyed about it, unless he's 28 I don't see the point of that.

Would have taken less than a minute to listen to your son too OP. Some battles are really not worth the fight. Maybe think about easing back a bit but don't beat yourself up, it's hard to let go and let them make decisions for themselves.

YWBU. You both turned it into a power and control thing. You should have let him experience natural consequences.

Well if it’s good enough for the royals..

I wouldn’t have worried about it, the worst that can happen is he’ll get cold, and it will be his responsibility to deal with that.

A 2 hour tantrum is very poor at 12, but equally you two were being overly directive.

So I would go and say that all parties were in the wrong, and you’ll all learn and move forward.

At 12 why can't he decide if he wants to wear shorts? Running around playing football he'll soon warm up, i can bet the joggers would have been taken off once there. What a silly reason to stop him getting a bit of exercise.

why are you babying him.
i thought you were going to say he was about 6.
it's up to him, isn't it .

Arf! I'm late to the thread but had guessed around 13. I assume the trousers were for the journey and that he'd have taken them off for the football? In which case YANBU. If you expected him to play football in them, well, that would have been daft.

They don’t seem to feel the cold, teenage boys!

A journey in the car. At best they could have been taken for afterwards. Plus modern sports shorts come to about a cm above the knee and the socks a cm below the knee.

My DS hasn't worn trousers all winter for school, sport or anything else. He can however sometimes be persuaded into thermal leggings under the shorts for a particularly cold training session- that might be an option for your DS in the future?

I would agree with most of the PPs that YABU. He was going to travel in a heated car to run around and play sport. He's not going to feel the cold in the same way as you are.

Ridiculous to insist on trousers when he was going to play football - for what, the walk to the car and the walk into the club?

Bravo OP for coming back and being so gracious.

15/16

The phrase ‘pick your battles’ springs to mind.
my mum always says ‘will it matter in 2 hours, 2 days, 2months, 2 years’. Very little actually matters.

Once they are in high School they are capable of deciding whether they need trousers or not?! The fact that he was about to go and play football in shorts seems like a bit of a daft argument to have with him.

actually, potentially risking your kid getting hypothermia matters

and guess what, some people who went out unprepared got hypothermia today

He was given a perfectly reasonable instruction

He refused instruction

He got consequences.

All these parents saying "pick your battles" - who is actually having to pick up the battles that you have abdicated from? Schools.

Very unlikely a 12 r old boy is going to get hypothermia walking from his house to a car and from the car to a club. Unless OP is in Siberia.