To suggest putting trousers on to go out in the snow

[Shebelievedshecouldbutshecba]

DS was being taken to football today. Was in football kit ready to go. DH asked him to put trousers on before getting in the car, given it was snowing. DS refused point blank. DH said he wasn’t taking him unless he put the trousers on. I agreed. DS refused, so DH wouldn’t take him and we now have had a 2h tantrum (with screaming) about what awful parents we are.

WWBU? I don’t think we were. Would have taken him less than a minute to put the trousers on, the consequence of not doing so was clearly laid out, and then we followed through with the consequence.

And any guesses how old DS is?

As someone used to extremes of weather, to travelling by bicycle, and to working and playing outdoors, I'm with you OP. Not to enforce obedience; but because you never know what might happen, and being prepared for the unexpected is something to teach your kids.

The plan might be for a centrally-heated drive to and from a couple of hours running around, but something unanticipated could leave you (him) stranded outdoors, in the snow, in shorts, for who knows how long. That's a recipe for discomfort, exposure, hypothermia, and death.

It is arrogant to forget that we humans are part of nature, and do not control everything.

He's learned that at 12 he is controlled and infantilised to the extent that he isn't even entitled to make choices about what clothing he wears, and that if he doesn't follow orders - no matter how unreasonable and controlling - he will be punished. I don't think that's useful whatsoever. It's just the reality of living with someone who exerts unhealthy levels of power and control over you.

Anyway, hopefully OP and her husband have seen sense and will have a conversation and apologise.

You don't have to wear all the items listed. Just have them to hand.

Alot of the boys in our Primary have been in shorts for school all day, all Winter (the only reason mine aren’t is I haven’t dug them out yet). I think YABU. All the kids round here play football in shorts and our kids wear shorts for PE.

I bet your Son’s legs wouldn’t even have been cold running round and even if they were, he’ll decide to wear joggers next time its snowy.

His legs would have been 90+% covered.

Also "conditions like this"? Like what? Assuming OP is in the UK there's a huge spread of weather. It's snowed here for an hour and never dropped below 4°, not really getting stranded weather.

Either way, just pack the trousers.

I didn't say died

I said will have suffered from hypothermia, requiring medical attention, and having a painful and distressing experience.

How many do I think? Hundreds at a guess

How many will have died due to the cold today? I don't know and I wasn't talking about that. It is unlikely this boy would have died. I expect parents would have sacrificed their own clothing long before that stage

But how many died of cold today? In the UK? I would guess maybe 20?

Completely agree.

Op fair play for coming back! Parenting is an ever-changing learning experience

Then pack the trousers 🙄

He would have got cramp or something on the pitch with those cold muscles (still, I suppose he would have warmed up during training). I would have let him wear his shorts.

I’d say half the boys in my Sons class are in shorts all year. Its worrying how many people believe a child will suddenly get hypothermia running round in shorts instead of joggers 🙈

He's 12. He should be packing his own trousers.

Scenario 1:
Adult: time to get in the car, get your trousers on.
Child: no I don't want to.
Adult: don't be daft it's bloody freezing.
Child: no I don't want to
Adult: ok just bring them with you in case let's go.
End of story.

Scenario 2
Adults and child row and argue. Child doesn't do sport. Everyone upset and stressed out for hours on end. Massive Mumsnet thread drama.

Yeah I have to go with YABU. He's old enough to make his own decisions regarding what he wears. If he got cold, that would have been his own fault and a lesson would have been learned.

Instead he's learned that if he doesn't wear what his parents tell him to wear, he doesn't get to do the thing he enjoys... which is a bit harsh.

Honestly was it really worth being on the end of a 2 hour tantrum for that?

You and your DH seem to think you did well here by sticking by your guns 🙄
He's 12, he can decide for himself to wear shorts to go training. The consequence of which is he might get cold. You both way overreacted!

Well yes that's fine. The point being either way he didn't have to put them on to be safe from some kind of imaginary storm front that the mental contortionists are posting about.

It's just as well OP doesn't have a girl.
She would have been horrified at the number wearing very short skirts and short socks to school.

At 12, you pick your battles. This wasn't one you needed to fight.

Pick your battles. Was it really worth 2hrs of arguing / tantrums? It’s him who will be cold not you. My DD refuses to wear a coat. I let her have natural consequences now.

My DS is 10, He wears shorts to school every day regardless of the temperature (we are in Scotland so it can be cold), shorts at the weekend too. He refuses to wear trousers. I stopped buying school trousers in P2 as it was a waste.

Very occasionally he says 'you're right mum I should've worn some under armour/joggers' and then doesn't listen when I suggest same the next time.

He's comfortable and 99% of the time happy so for me, it's not a big deal. I think at this age, he should decide what he wears.

He would be playing in full kit anyway.
Why would you make him put trousers on?
Buy him some skins by all means (if allowed by team coach / manager)

Your 12 YEAR OLD is playing football and you and his father have stopped him getting fresh air and excise because he wouldnt put trousers on, which he would of had to take off as soon as he got there, wasting even more time

Some people are actually barmy !!!
You and your husband
Not your poor son!

Very unreasonable to try and dictate whether a 12 year old wears trousers or shorts. If he was cold, how would that affect you?

A boy wearing shorts instead of joggers to football training would not have died of hypothermia 🙈

Please see every football match across the UK every weekend (in snow, ice etc) to show you that. The kids at our school wear shorts all day (on pe days) and mine dont bother with a coat half the time. They are still alive 😀 Hats, gloves and scarves dont exist to my kids.

0 kids died from the cold today. The cold does affect some people, mainly elderly or those with health conditions, but absolutely 0 kids died from wearing shorts to football training today 😂

I think you apologise and own this mistake op which will hopefully be laughed at by you all in years to come.

DH wears shorts regardless. And we are remote location Scotland.

But, we keep as standard warm stuff in the car. The coach may have asked them to put another layer on. But I get he was embarrassed and feeling that.

Sometimes we get stuff wrong as parents and it's good for him to say we are sorry, we got that wrong. We listened to you

@Nimbostratus100 sorry I assumed death when you said hypothermia. Presumably most who are at risk are elderly and homeless and then extremely unlikely scenarios where people get stuck on closed roads overnight. That's not what's being described here.

Why can't you just admit that sticking stuff in the car boot is as good in an emergency as wearing the items?

Did the son have to wear trousers or miss out on football? No he didn't have to do either of those things. He or the parents could've chucked some trousers in the car.

Honestly you have to give them some responsibility. If he doesn’t change he gets cold and faces the consequences. In this case you could have just put the trousers in the car in case he needed them later.

It was common in this country in the past for boys to wear shorts every day all throuh primary school.

He's 12, you're going to have a hard next few years if you don't learn to let him make some of his own decisions. Battles of wills don't work against teenagers in the way they do against toddlers. You should have chucked the trousers in the car and then taken him to football. Then if he wanted them he's got them. No fight, everyone wins. And buy him some skins if he plays football regularly and you're concerned about him getting cold. But I bet they never get worn.