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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To suggest putting trousers on to go out in the snow

347 replies

Shebelievedshecouldbutshecba · 08/03/2023 19:49

DS was being taken to football today. Was in football kit ready to go. DH asked him to put trousers on before getting in the car, given it was snowing. DS refused point blank. DH said he wasn’t taking him unless he put the trousers on. I agreed. DS refused, so DH wouldn’t take him and we now have had a 2h tantrum (with screaming) about what awful parents we are.

WWBU? I don’t think we were. Would have taken him less than a minute to put the trousers on, the consequence of not doing so was clearly laid out, and then we followed through with the consequence.

And any guesses how old DS is?

OP posts:

Roxie99 · 08/03/2023 20:00

My nearly 10 year old insists on shorts at school and also definitely for footie!

Puppers · 08/03/2023 20:00

If he’s very young, like 5 or less, then I suppose YANBU. If he’s older than that, he should be able to decide for himself what he wears really.

Although tbh I would probably have just let him wear the shorts and taken a pair of joggers in case. Because life is short and it’s really not worth the level of upset you’re describing just so someone can be “right”. Parenting is about so much more than just being the behaviour police and demanding unquestioning obedience. I mean, do you really actually want to raise a person who just follows orders from authority figures without question? I don’t. It’s not a bad thing that he is speaking up for himself when it comes to his own needs and comfort.

Nimbostratus100 · 08/03/2023 20:00

It is perfectly sensible to go out prepared for the weather

I disagree with "its his legs" - no , if you get stuck, or delayed in the snow, you could be out for hours, and not having trousers becomes a serious risk

I would guess 14!

And YANBU to insist on sensible, responsible precautions for severe weather

PuttingDownRoots · 08/03/2023 20:00

My 10yo was adamant she didn't need leggings and a long top under rugby kit last weekend.
Consequently she got cold, and it affected her passing.
The coach has told her she needs to wear them for the next few weeks. (Its a bit of a longstanding joke about how she's always the first to have a jumper off at training!)

It doesn't help that she goes to school in socks and skirt as she doesn't like tights. The secondary school is worse... they don't wear coats!! Just the thin blazer and shirt.

Ginger1982 · 08/03/2023 20:01

I think you were ridiculous not to take him just because he wouldn't put trousers on! Let him be cold if that's what he wants!

WhiteFire · 08/03/2023 20:01

I've got a fab photo of my three nephews in the snow, the middle one, who was probably around 8 at the time, is just in shorts.

There's a point at which they are able to make their own decisions in regard to this. Next time a compromise may have been to make sure a pair was in the bag.

Roxie99 · 08/03/2023 20:01

Also I'm guessing he's a bit older if you are having footie training tonight ? It's hard I've had the battles but picked them...

Doggydooda · 08/03/2023 20:02

Pick your battles…definitely not one to die on a hill for !

LlynTegid · 08/03/2023 20:02

You and your DH were united, good to read.

The 2 hour tantrum should have consequences. I think no football next week as a minimum. Regardless of age which I will leave others to guess.

icypompoms · 08/03/2023 20:02

Nimbostratus100 · 08/03/2023 20:00

It is perfectly sensible to go out prepared for the weather

I disagree with "its his legs" - no , if you get stuck, or delayed in the snow, you could be out for hours, and not having trousers becomes a serious risk

I would guess 14!

And YANBU to insist on sensible, responsible precautions for severe weather

So chuck some trousers in the car just in case.

Coffeeandnaps · 08/03/2023 20:03

Even with my 2 year old I'd have suggested they wore trousers and if they'd said no I'd have explained again it was cold, but if they still declined I'd have just said okay, we will take them with us in case you change your mind. He wouldn't have done though, he doesn't seem to feel the cold in the slightest.

Weird that you're picking this battle with a (presumably) older child.

Mouthfulofquiz · 08/03/2023 20:03

As someone who is roasting the second they start to exercise, if you told me to wear trousers to play football I too would have refused. If you were going to activity where you would have been getting cold however I would have agreed with you.

10storeylovesong · 08/03/2023 20:03

Sounds like my 10 year old with suspected ADHD

PolkaDotMankini · 08/03/2023 20:03

13yo DS walked home from school in the snow wearing shorts today (and 2 coats mind). He got cold. Oh well. He soon warmed up.

dementedpixie · 08/03/2023 20:04

And next time invest in some underarmour for wearing under football kit

Anotherturnipforthebooks · 08/03/2023 20:04

You weren't unreasonable to suggest he wear them but refusing to let him go seems a bit over the top.

feathermucker · 08/03/2023 20:04

I have a 16 year old that has always preferred shorts whatever the weather.

I wouldn't choose that hill to die on tbh, pick your battles.

Would he have been wearing the trousers to train in? If not, that makes it even more pointless.

icypompoms · 08/03/2023 20:05

LlynTegid · 08/03/2023 20:02

You and your DH were united, good to read.

The 2 hour tantrum should have consequences. I think no football next week as a minimum. Regardless of age which I will leave others to guess.

What? He's missed one training session for absolutely no good reason and now you want him to miss another one?!

Get the kids out doing exercise and in the fresh air. Team sports are great for mental health too but no, let's keep this boy in for two weeks as he had an opinion on his own clothing.

Newuser82 · 08/03/2023 20:05

I never argue with mine about wearing coats etc. I figure it's up to them if they want to freeze!

DemelzaandRoss · 08/03/2023 20:07

It doesn’t matter how old he is, was ridiculous to cause such an issue over wearing shorts. He’s hardly going to get hypothermia. If he was going to play football in shorts it’s even more stupid. This sounds more of a male control thing. As others have said, pick your battles. Try talking to him, explain your own (feeble) theories but apologise for getting it so wrong.

WhiteFire · 08/03/2023 20:09

I remember playing hockey at school, was in the 90's so still wearing gym skirts. Football socks came up so far and you would then get a band of orange across your knees as they were so cold.

They were the days.

NotSorry · 08/03/2023 20:10

icypompoms · 08/03/2023 20:10

I hope OP does come back. We've all made the wrong call with decisions and parenting at times.

Best to go and chat to the son and say 'sorry we got this one wrong and didn't know how to back down at the time but with hindsight we handled it badly'.

Georgeandzippyzoo · 08/03/2023 20:12

Ours now at secondary but for the whole of y5 and y6 regardless of the weather (and we are in the NE so have awfully cold weather compared to the South- accirding MN) wore shorts for school. Sniw, rain, gale force winds...I tried relentlessly, realised I was doing it for others so stopped. Always had a pair in his bag, never worn.
Now 15 and still.prefers shorts!

Original poster

Shebelievedshecouldbutshecba · 08/03/2023 20:13

He’s 12. Some good posts here, I have showed DH the thread and we are both taking points on board.

OP posts:

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