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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To suggest putting trousers on to go out in the snow

347 replies

Shebelievedshecouldbutshecba · 08/03/2023 19:49

DS was being taken to football today. Was in football kit ready to go. DH asked him to put trousers on before getting in the car, given it was snowing. DS refused point blank. DH said he wasn’t taking him unless he put the trousers on. I agreed. DS refused, so DH wouldn’t take him and we now have had a 2h tantrum (with screaming) about what awful parents we are.

WWBU? I don’t think we were. Would have taken him less than a minute to put the trousers on, the consequence of not doing so was clearly laid out, and then we followed through with the consequence.

And any guesses how old DS is?

OP posts:
MysteryBelle · 09/03/2023 18:20

Op, way too harsh. I think you and dh should apologize to your Ds. It wouldn’t hurt anything to let him wear his kit. The snow couldn’t be that deep if you’re driving in it.

Vynalbob · 09/03/2023 18:23

Not sure if I would have on this occasion...but... once said, you were spot on to follow through. For those saying no hill to die on I say bxxxlocks.
You get good respectful teens & adult dcs by battling the slightly silly stuff occasionally.
If you show you won't give an inch then they will consider your reactions more even if it's just a considered defence of why they want to x,y,z.

Zazazoolly · 09/03/2023 18:26

He’s 12! More than old enough to decide what he wants to wear. He’s not 5 for heaven’s sake so why are you treating him like he is? If he wears shorts and is freezing, he’ll know better the next time. Kids and adults play sports in all weathers in shorts and it hasn’t killed anybody yet.

AnnieSnap · 09/03/2023 18:42

I understand why you both wanted your son dressed for the weather. However, kids reach a point where rebellion is normal and looking cool (which can look like ridiculousness to us) is the most important thing. It’s important for us all to pick our battles. This one was a silly one to pick since he would learn from cold legs. So yes, in my opinion, you both ABU!

Flippingnora100 · 09/03/2023 18:44

I think you’re right to follow through on the consequence that you threatened, but also I think that at 12 he’s too old for this level of control of whether he wears shorts or trousers. His ‘tantrum’ is probably because he really feels sure that the shorts would have been fine and he’s frustrated and upset at being controlled and dictated to about something that affects only him. Imagine how annoying that must feel to him. I think you’d gain a massive amount of respect from him by admitting you were both being too strict with your insistence on the trousers and that from now on you’ll try to trust him more and give him more freedom on these kinds of matters. However, in return, he could agree to listen better when you tell him something that really is important.

celticprincess · 09/03/2023 18:52

Glad you’ve taken the posts on board. I’m in agreement with previous posters. Children’s bodies regulate heat different to adults and when doing sport. I saw an article recently about children being forced to wrap up warm in layers to be able to play out because the parent going out with them would be cold standing around, but actually the child then over heats as they move about more and end getting frustrated. And if he had been playing a school football match and it was snowing and not cancelled they would have been playing in shorts. I drive past a lot of football kids clubs on a Saturday morning and shorts when it’s ~4 and no one blinks an eye.

WiIson · 09/03/2023 19:02

12? 😲 I'd let him make up his own mind. No way would I have escalated that and make him miss football.

Mandyjack · 09/03/2023 19:07

He was playing outside in his football gear I assume?

Divorcedalongtime · 09/03/2023 19:12

Have read your thread so don’t know if you’ve said how old child is but think you are going to struggle if y ok have to micromanage your child like this. They need self autonomy

Whattodo46 · 09/03/2023 19:13

we live in Scotland, it’s always cold, my son has worn shorts every single day to school. He goes to football at night (outdoors) in football kit (shorts and t shirt) and will not wear a base layer. He is happy and says he’s fine because he is running around. I make him take a jacket, but then it’s his choice if he wears it. He is 7. I figure that he will learn a lesson if he is too cold and will wear more layers next time, but even when it was -6 he refused and didn’t complain once about being cold 🤷🏻‍♀️what’s the worst that’s going to happen if he wears shorts, he’s too cold for an hour or so?

HaggisBurger · 09/03/2023 19:32

HermioneHerman · 08/03/2023 19:58

I would just have given mine a blanket for his legs for the car journey as a compromise so if he felt cold, his choice to cover up. My boys are 7 and 9.

A blanket for his legs …. 😂 . As though he’s Maggie Smith in Downton Abbey.

Im in the “it’s your choice if you want to have cold legs camp”. I’d not be having an unnecessary drama by stopping him going. We all knew those parents growing up. Don’t be them. He won’t forget that kind of nonsense.

Shanda5 · 09/03/2023 19:34

No one came out of this looking reasonable!

To me this is a non issue. I might of suggested trousers but if the response was no, I would have left it.

LoisLane66 · 09/03/2023 19:34

Either 3 or 14. I haven't read any posts. .

Tinybrother · 09/03/2023 19:38

Surely the bonus of going in the car is that you can sling all manner of warm clothing and boots and food and drink and the kitchen sink into the boot so if you break down or get stuck in a snow drift you’ll have everything you need and no one is going to risk hypothermia.

liveforsummer · 09/03/2023 19:50

Whattodo46 · 09/03/2023 19:13

we live in Scotland, it’s always cold, my son has worn shorts every single day to school. He goes to football at night (outdoors) in football kit (shorts and t shirt) and will not wear a base layer. He is happy and says he’s fine because he is running around. I make him take a jacket, but then it’s his choice if he wears it. He is 7. I figure that he will learn a lesson if he is too cold and will wear more layers next time, but even when it was -6 he refused and didn’t complain once about being cold 🤷🏻‍♀️what’s the worst that’s going to happen if he wears shorts, he’s too cold for an hour or so?

Dd was the same all through primary school and most of the way through S1 where she finally gave in to wearing tights/leggings (because she started feeling self conscious rather than any cold issues). She still doesn't wear a coat though. We're costal eastern Scotland so about as cold as it can get

Kittlbua · 09/03/2023 19:53

He's 12 so he gets to decide and then deals with the consequences. If he finds it's too cold in shorts he'll wear trousers the next time.

Madamum18 · 09/03/2023 20:00

The consequence should have been what happens if you wear shorts in the snow. NOT missing football. Give him autonomy when the consequences of his choices are not dangerous per se

Strawberrydelight78 · 09/03/2023 20:15

I'm guessing he's about 7/8. He's the one that will feel the cold not you so his choice. Why couldn't you just take the trousers with you if he wanted to put them on after he played? Could have avoided a two hour tantrum.

DaveyJonesLocker · 09/03/2023 20:18

How ridiculous, you insisted he wear trousers over his kit to get from the door to the car? It's his body, his legs will be a bit cold, so what?

feelingfree17 · 09/03/2023 20:30

Choose your battles. Ridiculous for you both to have made such a fuss about that at his age. If he chooses to be cold, well so be it.
Would be different if he was at risk of hypothermia or sun burn in any given situation, then I would absolutely insist. But just walking to a car - ridiculous!

Completelydonechick · 09/03/2023 20:32

The pain is real now, but you will reap the benefits 10 fold if you stick to your principles!!! OMG-that could actually be a reaffirmation for parents 😝😝😝

WiIson · 09/03/2023 20:35

Completelydonechick · 09/03/2023 20:32

The pain is real now, but you will reap the benefits 10 fold if you stick to your principles!!! OMG-that could actually be a reaffirmation for parents 😝😝😝

For a 12 year old? That is a battle that is not worth fighting.

Vinomummyinlockdown · 09/03/2023 20:38

Quveas · 08/03/2023 19:54

Still trying to work out how old you and DH are.

🤣👏

QuillBill · 09/03/2023 20:46

Completelydonechick · 09/03/2023 20:32

The pain is real now, but you will reap the benefits 10 fold if you stick to your principles!!! OMG-that could actually be a reaffirmation for parents 😝😝😝

Principles of whether a twelve year old wears trousers to go in the car to football? Confused

Tinkerbellone · 09/03/2023 20:59

I have been in your position. My DD plays a sport and went out in freezing weather in tiny shorts. She soon learned and we compromised.
I brought her some nice branded joggers from sports direct and now she wears those.
I suspect it's not very cool to wear your trousers. Maybe branded joggers would be better at that age? Rather than trousers?

I think this was the wrong battle. Poor kid. Hard enough for them to get off screens and out to play sport. I feel bad for him tbh.

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