To suggest putting trousers on to go out in the snow

[Shebelievedshecouldbutshecba]

DS was being taken to football today. Was in football kit ready to go. DH asked him to put trousers on before getting in the car, given it was snowing. DS refused point blank. DH said he wasn’t taking him unless he put the trousers on. I agreed. DS refused, so DH wouldn’t take him and we now have had a 2h tantrum (with screaming) about what awful parents we are.

WWBU? I don’t think we were. Would have taken him less than a minute to put the trousers on, the consequence of not doing so was clearly laid out, and then we followed through with the consequence.

And any guesses how old DS is?

YABU

My 10 Year Old DS has PE on a Wednesday. As it was snowing I suggested he wear joggers this morning ..... he went to school in his shorts. I couldn't imagine punishing him in some way for making his own decision regarding clothing!!

My point about ‘reasonable’ is that it wasn’t something like looking after his 3 younger siblings for the day or cleaning the whole house. He could have easily done it but refused.

I'm in the pick your battles camp. As mum of 3 boys you sound way too controlling. Honestly he's got to learn to make choices for himself and then live with the consequences of them.

Actually I'd have just taken a spare pair of trousers in the car in case he needed them but that's just how I parent.

And the parents could have easily accepted the non-event of him wanting to go in his shorts.

I have a 12yo and he resists long pants. The best I hope for his thermals under rugby shorts, but if he doesn’t want to wear them or a sweater to training that’s on him. Once there if he feels cold, tough shit, he’ll learn for next time

It's good that you backed your DH. It's not so good that your DH decided to make this a battle. DS couldn't "win" no matter what.

Luckily my kids are at a school where they only get into trouble for disobeying a 'reasonable request' which this wasn't IMO.

If he was on a school residential trip and the teacher asked them to bring coats because it was raining but he didn’t want to and said no, then had a 2 hour tantrum about it you’d back him up?

And if his grandmother had wheels...

Stop pathetically reaching.

It’s practically the exact same situation just with a teacher. So would you back your DS?

I'd expect them to strongly encourage him to bring a coat and, if he didn't, (presuming they are not in the arctic and it's safe to do so!) let him suffer the natural consequences of being cold. Potentially shove a spare one in a bag for him which they can bring out after he's experienced a bit of cold misery!

OP's son had a 'tantrum' because he was deprived of football practice for a completely ridiculous reason. The best way to avoid that with kids is to give them a degree of autonomy and natural consequences.

It just wouldn't happen in the same way, because the teacher would either tell them all to do it, or none of them.

Perhaps you don't have children so you may not be aware but the parent-child relationship is actually quite different to the teacher-child relationship.

You're the parent so you get to decide. Whilst yes, pick your battles, it's a good lesson in doing something you maybe don't want to do before you get to do what you do want to do, and a lesson in modulating his overreaction.
Would he have been playing football outside?
Even if he were, you do see professionals on the bench with tracksuit bottoms on when they aren't actively playing.

‘Perhaps you don’t have children’
That feels very pointed. I think anyone, including childless people would know that the relationship is different. I guess you were just trying to be insulting.

I would find it exhausting to constantly be debating with and strongly encouraging kids who think they know better. But it’s not an exact situation I’ve been in and hopefully teachers have a lot of patience.

was the football outdoors?

If so, in this weather they can easily pull a muscle if they don't warm up/warm down properly. As I understand it, keeping legs covered helps reduced this risk so if the sport was outdoors I would have insisted (we've had these problems in the past and they don't like hobbling to school for days on end afterwards).

Even if football indoors, and travelling by the car then you need to have warm clothes in case car breaks down. maybe not wearing them, but definitely in the car.

We live in Canada and my 10 year old son wears shorts to football every week. The socks are long and we have blankets in the car. He wears a coat. His body, his choice.

It still wasn't reasonable. If they'd told him to sit under the dining table with a pair of boxers on his head, he could have easily done that too. Doesn't make it a reasonable request.

Parenting is about preparing kids for adult life (amongst other things). That cannot be achieved by teaching them to mindlessly follow orders and let other people control their basic personal needs/choices "or else". As for the comparison to school that was made upthread, I wouldn't want my child to follow rules that were purely in place to exert control and forced him to put aside his own comfort. I wouldn't send my children to a school with that kind of ethos or culture. Authority is not there to be blindly followed. Rules should make sense and be reasonable. It's important that our kids learn to recognise what's in their best interests and that we give them the tools and confidence to push back against authority when they need to and speak up for themselves.

"Do as I say because I'm in charge" is lazy parenting.

YABU. My 12 year old (girl) went out in a flimsy summer dress the other day. I tried to persuade her to put on jeans but she refused, got cold, and hopefully learned from the experience. They have to learn to make their own decisions. (I would have insisted on warm clothing up until about age 7/8 though).

They went saying ‘do as I say because I’m in charge’ they were saying ‘do as I say because I genuinely thinks it’s in your best interests’.

Sorry for the typos I need to learn to proof read.

It is because you are being so silly about teachers, when teachers are not the same as parents

If you know the relationship is entirely different, why do you keep pretending the same situation could arise in school?

"Even if he were, you do see professionals on the bench with tracksuit bottoms on when they aren't actively playing."

Exactly this. Professionals on the bench keep their leg muscles warm, then take the trousers off to play when they are called off the bench. It's best practice, surely?

I had a similar conversation today about putting trousers on instead of shorts after sport with DC of a similar age. DC was not overly happy (mainly cos they couldn't be bothered to walk to changing room to take their shoes off just to put trousers on) but realised that it was actually sleeting outside (and we were walking/on the bus, not in a car) so did go and put said trousers on.

In the OP's shoes I'd have insisted on trousers too, if he was going to be playing outside. Or much better, thermal leggings under the shorts - they have much more freedom to play in those than trousers, and don't have the hassle of taking them on and off over shoes.

Im referring back to my point that people who are raising children to question authority and not to have to listen to their own parents are creating a wider issue in society which will play out in schools.

I wore shorts out this evening, it was snowing. They were appropriate wear for where I was going.

I would have not been impressed if told I needed trousers for the car ride.