To suggest putting trousers on to go out in the snow

[Shebelievedshecouldbutshecba]

DS was being taken to football today. Was in football kit ready to go. DH asked him to put trousers on before getting in the car, given it was snowing. DS refused point blank. DH said he wasn’t taking him unless he put the trousers on. I agreed. DS refused, so DH wouldn’t take him and we now have had a 2h tantrum (with screaming) about what awful parents we are.

WWBU? I don’t think we were. Would have taken him less than a minute to put the trousers on, the consequence of not doing so was clearly laid out, and then we followed through with the consequence.

And any guesses how old DS is?

For whatever reason you just aren't understanding what people are saying.

No it isn't comparable to a bedtime for a child. Obviously when they are young that's completely in the control of the parents, whether the child likes it or not. As they get older it's natural that they will start to have more control over when they sleep. Obviously if they are unable to make sensible decisions and this affects their health (which long term lack of sleep does), their education or affects other people in the house due to mood, noise etc then parents step in and lay down rules. The rules, even if the child doesn't like them, should be reasonable and understood by the child. I.e. bedtime is going to be 9pm. I know you'd like to stay up until 10pm but when you make that choice, you are moody and unable to focus at school. End of discussion.

The issue with OP's scenario is that the decision of the parents to override the child's autonomy is based on nothing other than a desire to "win" and exert control. The child knows whether he needs trousers or not, he is capable of making decisions about how to dress himself for his own comfort and the consequences do not affect anyone else.

One thing I learned while mine were growing up (and it was definitely a learning curve) was the importance of choosing your battles. Unless your DS has some medical condition that requires him to keep warm - in which case, he probably wouldn't be playing football in the snow anyway - why were you so insistent that he should wear trousers just to go to and from the car? He's the one who would end up with cold legs, but he's never going to admit that now, is he? The only real conseqences of not wearing trousers would be momentarily cold legs - it was you that escalated those consequences into missing the football session. My response would have been to take the trousers in the car and let him know they were there if he wanted them, possibly with a discussion on the way about warming muscles up properly before exercise to avoid injury.

I have not read the whole thread as I work full time and my free time is a precious gift.

I would just let him wear what he likes; he is not a 2 year old. If he is cold then that is his problem.

I understand, I just don’t agree. There are other people contributing to the thread that agree with me. I sense people are becoming frustrated that I won’t concede to their view which is ironic considering the subject of the thread.

Well, no. You are drawing comparisons that aren't relevant which demonstrates that you either don't understand or are being deliberately obtuse. I suspect that others, like me, aren't bothered in the least whether or not you agree with us, but are perhaps a little frustrated that you are repeatedly attempting to misrepresent our viewpoint. So I shall leave you to it 👍

A child that age has to learn to be able to make their own judgements. If he refuses to wear trousers after being strongly advised to and having it pointed out that he may be cold, then he may get cold. His choice. He’d likely wear them next time.
I’d have let him get on with it and taken some trousers along just in case.

It seems you and your DH were more bothered about having your authority undermined than anything else. It’s great that he goes out to do a sport. Don’t discourage it.

Oh yes, shorts man! I know a few!

Only recently a school gate mum acquaintance was talking to me about her husband, who is often in school picking up, but I couldn’t think who she was referring to. She said “dark hair… shorts!” And from the “shorts” I knew who she meant!

They do not seem comparable to you but they do to me. It has helped me to understand some others view points by explaining why they would act one way in this situation but not in others.

The fact is though at 12 they should be perfectly capable of making autonomous choices. Clothes is something as well that is v personal depending on individual body temperatures. My two run v differently abd will often wear different levels of clothing. As do me abd DH he often is in multi layers and thermals and I will be in one jumper.

I see Nimbostratus has arrived to tell us all the child will potentially DIE of hypothermia.

@Shebelievedshecouldbutshecba This is the sort of thing my stubborn-as-a-mule husband would do. I would then wade in a say if he wants to get cold, he gets cold. At 12 he's big enough and ugly enough to take responsibility.

Bringing up kids well is exhausting. Doesn't mean you don't bother.

I was talking about teachers. They have 30 kids to deal with. Where did I say I don’t bother to bring up my own children? I actually said I discuss with them the merits of healthy food, bed time, screen time almost constantly and of course discuss real body autonomy and boundaries too.

I like this - going to remember for future reference

Pick your battles. Mine is only 5 and if it was going to cause that much of a fuss then I would have left him to it. He'll get cold legs and learn for next time. I definitely would be letting a 12 year old make their own choice on that one.

Take a pair of trousers with you and say 'I told you so' when he sheepishly asks for them.

Was it worth the 2 hour fallout?
Pick your arguments I sat

From being about 3 years old I told my DD you make your choice and suffer the consequences, as long as it wasn't a serious matter. I once asked her to put her coat on as we were going out, she refused and said she chose to be cold, off we go coat in my hand, she steps outside and said I think I choose to put my coat on, because it was freezing. He's old enough to make his choices and suffer the consequences, pick your battles.

7?

My son wears shorts all year round. Try as I might to get him trousers he won’t have it!

My DS is 10 and wears shorts all year round to school and football. Most of the boys in his class do. They are fine! I think YWBU.

He's a babish 6 year old?

My son is 15 in April. He plays football as well. He point blank refuses to wear trousers in colder weather as it’s too much grief to get on and off with his boots on.

you and your husband were simply too harsh.

should have just brought the trousers along incase he got cold enough to decide to wear them.

Why did he have to change? He was going to be riding in the car, right, not walking in the snow.

My son went through a phase where he wanted to only wear shorts no matter what the weather. He also went through another phase where he had to wear a jacket all the time no matter the weather. No amount of reasoning with him helped. He finally grew out of the phases. Turns out a teacher in prek admonished him once for not wearing a jacket on a cool morning and that’s where the jacket thing came from. Your son has a reason for wanting to go to practice with his kit already on. Find that out, and you’ll be closer to resolving the issue.

Agree with this.

He’s obviously a postman in training - it always amazes me when I see posties in shorts in the middle of winter lol! Chill

Literally coupd have just put trousers in a bag then when cold put on top of shorts. Really not something to take a stand over