To want to spend Mother's day with my children and my own mother?

[MangoPi]

Hello,

As the title says really...partner is not happy that I have declined invitation to his mum's lunch on mothers day in favor of going out for lunch with my own mother.

He says we have seen my mum the last 2 years...this was only because his mum was not about though, not because he has chosen not to see him mum. He also says we spend most Christmases with my mum (we see his mother on Christmas eve and boxing day - again this is because his mum goes out for Christmas, normally for a curry and then gets drunk, nothing against this but my partner doesn't like curry lol so never wants to do this!)

He then suggested I take one of our children to the lunch with my mum and he takes the other to his mums lunch. My point is, it's 'Mother's' day and they are both my children and I would like to spend it with my own mother and my children.

I don't understand why it's a problem - I said you go to the meal with your mother and siblings, I will go to lunch with my mother and my own siblings.

He is really not happy about this and thinks me and the children should just see my mum later on in the day and go for the meal with his side. It's annoying me because it is mothers day - MIL as much as we get on is not my mother, I wish to see my own mum.

But OP is a mother! Doesn't she get to be celebrated as a mother on mother's day? MIL isn't mother to those kids, OP is

this is very very dramatic, of course he can take his children to see his mum on Mother's day. It is the meal he is kicking off about

As for the mutual bit, that only works if the two mums live close enough for it to be practical to meet up, and that they get on.

YANBU and you can spot the mother's of boys on here a mile off.

Your proposal really isn't complex. Your children spend mother's day lunch with you and your mum. Your husband sees his mum for lunch. You and the children visit MIL after lunch. Absolutely no need for your husband or the less hinged posters to get a cob on.

Honestly @MangoPi there are some right ones on your thread. You have much more patience than me!

Myself and my DH stopped all visits after we had our children, we still buy our parents a gift etc and make time to see them on a different day but Mother’s Day/Father’s Day is for us and our own children now.

Who cares how HE experiences Mother’s Day?! 😅

The clue is in the name.

All mothers involved are seeing their children.

Its not this man’s bloody Day in any shape or form!

@Loics but it’s Mother’s Day not grandmothers day 😂😂 so the kids should be with their MOTHER. Jeez it’s not hard

Completely agree . My kids came with me because they wanted to spend the day with me and I at the same time was visiting my mother .it was nothing to do with it being about grandmothers.

Honestly don't see all the fuss. Sometimes I saw my mum sometimes I didn't. Just phone and chat. I lost mum last August and was dreading mother's day as my husband still had his mum aged 97 but she died very suddenly last week. So we will both be without Mothers. Mother's day this year is also the 11th anniversary of my first husband's death.
I really can't get worked up about it. Just see your parents when you want to. If you miss a mother's day, so what. Mothering Sunday is the day you go back to your home church, nothing to do with mothers at all

Yanbu for wanting to spend time with your own mum on mother's day

Also yeah, he needs to stop making it about him! It’s the one day a year about you and not him and he’s making it about him 😬

Also such a fuss over nothing. It's a made-up day. It isn't "special" because the card companies tell us it is!

No reason why you can't see one mum one day and the other mum another day. And neither have to be on Mothering Sunday.

I don’t get this. It’s literally just a day. I don’t visit my mother in Mother’s Day. I see her when it’s convenient for us both not when a made up day tells us to

So his mum wasn't around the last two Mother's Day for you and your DP to spend it with her (her choice I'm guessing) and she has deprioritised family on Christmas day in favour of a curry and getting pissed but she now wants you to prioritise her this Mother's Day because she's around, finally, and wants to be with her children and grandchildren. Stick to your guns and enjoy Mother's Day with your kids, siblings and your mother. Your MIL sounds like she has got used to doing what she wants and expecting people to fall in line with her wishes.

Mothering Sunday is the day you go back to your home church, nothing to do with mothers at all Exactly!

He also says we spend most Christmases with my mum (we see his mother on Christmas eve and boxing day - again this is because his mum goes out for Christmas, normally for a curry and then gets drunk, nothing against this but my partner doesn't like curry lol so never wants to do this!)

Maybe she gets drunk because she’s on her own and lonely.

unless you all live miles apart then I think surely there is a compromise to be had?

Yes, just like grandfathers through their daughter wouldn't expect to be the centre of attention for their daughter's children on Father's Day, if the son in law would rather spend it with his own dad.

I didn't really think about it from this point of view but yes - the last 2 years she has been on a cruise for Mothers day and she says traditional Christmases are boring, I actually genuinely get on with MIL but she is truly a law unto herself bless her

No one has a right to see any one else's children.

So her need to see her grandchildren trumps the children spending time with their mother on Mother's Day?!

Some of these replies are bonkers. The OP goes to see her mum, the children go with her as she's their mum, the partner goes to see his mum.

It's not difficult.

She has 6 children and has remarried, they go for curry with their friends, certainly not lonely

I'm a mother of boys! We're not all self-involved and expect our maternal role to extend over generations, I promise!

Who cares how HE experiences Mother’s Day?! 😅

The clue is in the name.

All mothers involved are seeing their children.

Its not this man’s bloody Day in any shape or form!

@OriginalUsername2 what a pathetic, nasty and childish attitude to life and relationships.

I think if you choose to build a life with someone and have children with them, if you are a kind and decent person, you would care how they experience every day and whether they are happy. Or whether something that obviously matters to him is NEVER an option for him apparently every single year.

It's his mother's day and as I have said already, otherwise he's forced every year to pick his own mother alone or his wife/partner and for his mother or himself to never have the joy of a family lunch on mother's day.

Every year. Never. She won't live for ever. It's shitty behaviour to never compromise in relationships. Unkind and unfair. And usually it comes back to bite you because you are setting up a circle of not compromising ever on something that wouldn't kill you and it creates a pattern.

So is the issue not the actual 'children' (ie you and DH) but where the grandchildren go? You say you are their mum, therefore they should be with you on Mother's Day. Wouldn't it then stand to reason that he is their father, so they should be with him on Father's Day?

In which case, all being equal, the DC go to your mum's with you on Mother's Day, DH goes to his mum's. The DC go to his dad's with him on Father's Day, you go to your stepdad's.

I'm glad our families always got along and we never had this shit.

😅 It's not about him though? It's MOTHER'S day as you pointed out multiple times.