To want to spend Mother's day with my children and my own mother?

[MangoPi]

Hello,

As the title says really...partner is not happy that I have declined invitation to his mum's lunch on mothers day in favor of going out for lunch with my own mother.

He says we have seen my mum the last 2 years...this was only because his mum was not about though, not because he has chosen not to see him mum. He also says we spend most Christmases with my mum (we see his mother on Christmas eve and boxing day - again this is because his mum goes out for Christmas, normally for a curry and then gets drunk, nothing against this but my partner doesn't like curry lol so never wants to do this!)

He then suggested I take one of our children to the lunch with my mum and he takes the other to his mums lunch. My point is, it's 'Mother's' day and they are both my children and I would like to spend it with my own mother and my children.

I don't understand why it's a problem - I said you go to the meal with your mother and siblings, I will go to lunch with my mother and my own siblings.

He is really not happy about this and thinks me and the children should just see my mum later on in the day and go for the meal with his side. It's annoying me because it is mothers day - MIL as much as we get on is not my mother, I wish to see my own mum.

This is so stupid, I just want to spend it with my mum and my children, he wants to spend it with his mum, only one of us is making the other feel guilty in this scenario and it isn't me

how bizzare - it's two of our siblings that do not get on, it would be pointless to subject everyone to the atmosphere it would inevitably cause as it has done at other occasions, and no they are not grown up enough to behave for one meal - tried and failed many times

Can you elaborate why you think it is selfish to want to spend mothers day with my children?

Are you seriously asking this question or being deliberately dense?

1. Your partner is someone's child. His mother's. He would like to spend that day - maybe once in 3 years isn't unreasonable - occassionally with his mother.
2. He is also the father of his own children. He would like to spend that day with his children and their own mother to take pleasure in seing his children experience mother's day.
3. If you are insisting on your mother only and your children only, he gets deprived of what you get -every single year - time with his own mother and his own children. He doesn't get the joy of the mutual experience all together - he on the other hand is forced to pick one.
4. Grandmothers are mothers too and his mother would probably also enjoy seeing not just her own child on mother's day but seeing her grandchildren too.

No one is saying it's unreasonable to want to see your mother and your children but why on earth to you have to exclude his mother. Either do something all together - or if you really don't want to mix his mother and your mother for whatever reason, then just for one fucking year throw him a bone and do something with your children and his mother. See your mother on the Saturday.

It is selfish and the fact you are so blinkered about it shows a serious lack of empathy. Imagine you had a son and his wife adopted your position every single year. Nice isn't it?

I'm sure you could spare one of your children for a couple of hours to go and have lunch with her other grandma. After all they are her sons children too.

Sounds like he’s a lazy socialiser like most men. Having you and the kids there to lunch would smooth the conversational path so to speak, leaving him an easier life. Sod that, do what you like on your day with your Mum and your dc. Maybe float a lunch with his dm over Easter somewhere nice to keep him sweet.

But this isn’t true, OP has stated quite clearly that she’s happy for her DP to go to lunch with his mum. He’s the objecting to her seeing her mum with her kids.

YANBU , he spends the day with his mum , you spend the day with yours and the kids spend the day with you , as their mother . I really can’t see what is difficult about it .

"Hate to point out the obvious, but grandmothers are mothers."

Hate to point out the obvious but she'll be spending Mother's Day with her Son 🤣

1. That's fine. He can see his mother on Mothers day, no one is stopping him.
2. That's fine. But he gets to do that on Fathers day. I am also a Mother.
3. Again, he can do that on Fathers day.
4. That's fine, she will likely see her grandchildren later on in the day.

It is the lunch he is specifically annoyed at. It's not dense at all to want to on Mothers day, spend time with my own children and my own mother.

When our mums were alive it was breakfast in bed for me cards, flowers, daddy cooked lunch. In the afternoon we went to both sets of parents with cards and flowers together. Just seems odd that you have to split up on mother's day.

But I am not creating a problem him seeing his own mum? He is creating a problem me seeing mine?

You sound very selfish. His mum matters as much as yours and has as much right to see her grandchildren.

"Jeez. I hope my son doesn’t end up married to someone like you.

Suit yourself mate and sod everyone else’s feelings, eh?"

What? Why would the OP miss seeing her Mum on Mother's Day if she doesn't have to. She's not stopping him going to see his Mum

But this isn’t true, OP has stated quite clearly that she’s happy for her DP to go to lunch with his mum. He’s the one objecting to her seeing her mum with her kids.

Thank you , I personally don't like the day because I rarely got to do anything I wanted to do and my mum didn't like it much either. So I don't celebrate it now I just have a relaxing day to myself it's bliss 🙂

Right....but i don't deserve to see my own children. Make it make sense.

He goes to hers. You go to yours.

Mother's Day is Mother's Day, not grandparents day.

Her kids, AHH is he a stepfather then?

Mother's Day - if you can't all go out together then everyone spends the day with their own mother.

Father's Day - same

Grandparents Day - alternate years, or split the day.

Then invite them ...those that want to join do. That's up to them but you get the day with your children ...

How is the MIL missing out exactly? They're not her kids and neither is the OP. Why can't he just go and see his own mum?

You’re making him choose between spending the day with his wife and children or his mum.

When it’s entirety unnecessary because you could just see both.

Does your h take the kids to see his dad on Father's Day?

Could you spend time with them both separately? Lunch with your mother-in-law then dinner/tea with your mum.