To want to spend Mother's day with my children and my own mother?

[MangoPi]

Hello,

As the title says really...partner is not happy that I have declined invitation to his mum's lunch on mothers day in favor of going out for lunch with my own mother.

He says we have seen my mum the last 2 years...this was only because his mum was not about though, not because he has chosen not to see him mum. He also says we spend most Christmases with my mum (we see his mother on Christmas eve and boxing day - again this is because his mum goes out for Christmas, normally for a curry and then gets drunk, nothing against this but my partner doesn't like curry lol so never wants to do this!)

He then suggested I take one of our children to the lunch with my mum and he takes the other to his mums lunch. My point is, it's 'Mother's' day and they are both my children and I would like to spend it with my own mother and my children.

I don't understand why it's a problem - I said you go to the meal with your mother and siblings, I will go to lunch with my mother and my own siblings.

He is really not happy about this and thinks me and the children should just see my mum later on in the day and go for the meal with his side. It's annoying me because it is mothers day - MIL as much as we get on is not my mother, I wish to see my own mum.

Mother’s Day isn’t something I make much fuss of, .....BUT, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable OP. You get to spend the day with your children as you’re their mum. You spend the day with your mum. Your partner spends the day with his mum. It seems very straightforward to me. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Lovely of everyone gets on and you can all do something together but that’s not the case here.

My MIL did seem to think she had some sort of right to my kids of Mother’s Day years ago. My partner, her son, going to see her wasn’t enough. We also got told that the other grandchildren sent her a card on Mother’s Day. 😬 Thankfully my partner was on the same page as me though so her drama was just ignored.

No - but he's not their mother. When it's father's day if they still can't get everyone together for a both sides event then he can take the kids with him when he sees his father, and the OP will go to see her father on her own.

his father is dead, he spends the day with his family understandably

I don't think YABU to want to spend the day with your mum. But I don't think it's fair that only your mum gets to see the DC. Presumably you will spend the morning with both kids, there's no reason why your MIL shouldn't have some contact with her DGC on mother's day.

It gets complicated if there are lots of siblings - I am one of 5.
So that would be 5 of us, our partners and their mothers, and then the siblings of the partners would have to come too (what with their mother being there). That's one massive table!

Right....but i don't deserve to see my own children. Make it make sense.

I assume you live with your children, so you will see them for most of the day - if it’s important your mum sees them on Mother’s Day surely it’s equally important that his mum also sees them? Can you not have a nice breakfast with your kids, see your mum for lunch and let the kids go with their dad to see their other grandparent, especially if she hasn’t seen them the last couple of years?

With your children as well? Or do you take them to see your dad?

Do you think that will happen or will the op take the kids to see HER dad?

But it’s Mother’s Day! The OP wants to see her own mother and to see her own children. That’s not selfish, that’s the basic minimum of Mother’s Day. She’s happy for MIL to see her own children, ie OP’s DP.

I don’t understand what’s happening on this thread!

And for what it’s worth, my mum is dead so I never see her, we always see MIL the day before and she insists on this because she says it’s my turn to be celebrated by my son (and her son!) - she’s wonderful and we always take her for a lovely meal and I chose a lovely gift for her too. So I have no axe to grind.

How far away does your mother and MIL live ? While you can't make lunch with both, is it possible to carve some time for MIL on the same day?

Go with him to his mother's with the children. Simple.

Absolutely, and I will be encouraging him to take both the kids to see their nan at any point when we meet back up afterwards. It is the lunch that he seems most pissed off about and I have no idea why

I agree with you OP it's the only fair way.

All the mums get to spend time with their own children.

OP's solution is obviously the best because everyone spends Mother's Day with their own mother.

I think some PP are confused and need some kind of family tree diagram.

OP, obviously yanbu

I don't want to do that though, I'd like to see my own mother, it's 'mother's' day, why would i not want to see my own mother

You’re totally in the right. She gets to see her children. It’s not as if you’re stopping your husband from going to see his own mum!

Grow up and take turns. Jeez.

But it’s Mother’s Day! The OP wants to see her own mother and to see her own children. That’s not selfish, that’s the basic minimum of Mother’s Day

It is if it is every single year to the exclusion of her partner never ever sometimes being able to be with his own mother, his own children and their mother (ie. OP too)

🤦🏻‍♀️

She wants to see her mum. Because it’s Mother’s Day.

I think you're being a bit U tbh.

I don't know why you couldn't go to the lunch with his mum and see your own mum later if you spent the last two mother's days with your own mum. Yes, I get that you don't really want to, but a bit of give and take never did anyone any harm.

I don't know my biological father, I spend it with my step dad. My partner spends it with is family and they visit his fathers grave, usually go for lunch, including the children of course.

That's his day and his day to spend as he wishes

Why though? He sees his mum, I see mine, he can take his children to see her after the lunches?

And this is the very reason why some people hate mother's day it's nothing but hassle 🤣

Says it right in the first post she suggested he go see his mum she takes the kids and goes with her mum he said no

Obviously for Mother’s Day, what counts is that they are her children and she is their mother. That is the relationship being celebrated. On Father’s Day, they’re his kids. It’s not hard, is it?