To want to spend Mother's day with my children and my own mother?

[MangoPi]

Hello,

As the title says really...partner is not happy that I have declined invitation to his mum's lunch on mothers day in favor of going out for lunch with my own mother.

He says we have seen my mum the last 2 years...this was only because his mum was not about though, not because he has chosen not to see him mum. He also says we spend most Christmases with my mum (we see his mother on Christmas eve and boxing day - again this is because his mum goes out for Christmas, normally for a curry and then gets drunk, nothing against this but my partner doesn't like curry lol so never wants to do this!)

He then suggested I take one of our children to the lunch with my mum and he takes the other to his mums lunch. My point is, it's 'Mother's' day and they are both my children and I would like to spend it with my own mother and my children.

I don't understand why it's a problem - I said you go to the meal with your mother and siblings, I will go to lunch with my mother and my own siblings.

He is really not happy about this and thinks me and the children should just see my mum later on in the day and go for the meal with his side. It's annoying me because it is mothers day - MIL as much as we get on is not my mother, I wish to see my own mum.

Her kids aren't old enough to "treat her". If they were they wouldn't want to go to either grandparent.

And many mums might find a child-free day a treat. Shocking I know, how dare mums not want to spend 24 hours a day with their kids for 18 years.

No I can’t be bothered to read 28 pages just giving my opinion. I wasn’t rude, didn’t belittle OP just said how I would feel. If my son has children one day yes I would hope to see his kids if possible in Mother’s Day. Just because for me it’s a day for mothers and that includes mother in laws and grandmothers.
you don’t agree fine, jut scroll on by. No problems or issues or need to weep for the OP. M

You are spending mother's day with your mother. Your children are spending it with you, their mother. Your partner is spending it with his mother.

It's mother's day so all of the above is how it should be.

It really gets my goat how whenever there is a post that includes a MIL and DIL the DIL gets flamed for not making the MIL the single most important person alive and by not doing this you must hate your MIL (eye roll)

It's a day for mothers to be with their children. Not their grandchildren because they are not mothers to those kids. Not their dil because she has a mum. It's a day for you to be with your son and, just for one day, put up and shut up and let the woman wiping your grandchildren's bottoms have a day to herself with her kids. Christmas, Easter and birthdays are probably tactical manoeuvres to please you and others. This day? Nope. This day is for the mama.

Do women have a special selfishness chip inserted when their sons procreate or are they genuinely unaware of how much they expect to be catered to and pleased? It's one day.

Does the op sound like she doesn't want to be with her children on mother's day? If not, you sound like a grandparent insisting on a sleepover that you want but no one else is longing for.

It's never too early to teach children how to give. They certainly are capable of understanding the importance of a special day for mummy from a very early age and should be encouraged to pick flowers, make a card, whatever floats mum's boat. And yes dad should absolutely take them for a walk etc while Mum enjoys her morning if that's what she needs to do! I'm not quite sure why you think this would be a new concept. Do you think you're a mother and I'm not so I wouldn't know? Why would I need informing???

The one thing she doesn't need to do is cart the children to mil or buy a card for mil or remind her dh it's mother's day so he better x y and z. Yet most of us probably do at least one of these - fair? Nope.

I hope you don't have sons as you are setting a precedent.
Or maybe you could understand why your husband would like to see his mother with his children on Mother's Day. Try to be fairer.

If my son has children one day yes I would hope to see his kids if possible in Mother’s Day. Just because for me it’s a day for mothers and that includes mother in laws and grandmothers.
you don’t agree fine, jut scroll on by. No problems or issues or need to weep for the OP.

Even if that meant the hypothetical spouse/partner wasn't able to see their own mother?

Nope, thanks to the greetings card industry there is a Grandparents Day. Wait for that. Mothers Day is not not a day for MILs and grandmothers. Did/do you always see your MIL on Mothers Day? Your grandmother?

On Fathers Day the emphasis in the OP's house is that their father goes to his mother's and takes the DC. His father is dead but they still make the day about him, going to the grave and being together. The OP does not demand that they all go to her father, she goes on her own to see him. The exact way she is proposing for Mothers Day.

Read the OP's posts. She's not stopping him doing that later in the afternoon, in fact is positively encouraging it. This is about lunch that day only.

Oh my goodness "I hope you have sons" isn't some clever trump card to blow us all out the water.
Many posters, including myself, only have sons, and still would not expect future DILs (or SILs) to ditch their own mums for us on Mother Day.
I wasn't given some bullshit salty MIL microchip when I have birth FFs.

He should just see his mum by himself if he wants to.

And if you have boys then this is what you'll be subjected to by the way as this is the precedent you're setting - that the mothers mother is the more important one so hope you're ok with that - I.e just seeing your sons on Christmas Eve and Boxing Day while your DIL makes Aly digs about what your eat and how much your drink (oh not that you care at all - just had to tell us all though in a snooty way).

I thought Mystic Meg died a few days ago?

Have you read the op's posts?

She's not stopping her dh seeing his Mum on Mother's Day, or the GC either

She's also said that it's her MIL decision not to see them at Christmas

The mother’s mother is more important on Mother’s Day, yes. I hope my son supports his future spouse/partner to visit their mother; they can come and see me any time, and I them, but I’m excited about my future DIL’s sly food and drink digs! How unusual!

FFS. Can MNHQ not ban the fuckers who can't (or refuse to) read. Makes this place unreadable and those posters look like cunts.

Well yes I did have to explain this because otherwise people like yourself would come rushing on, up in arms, to declare how awful I was for not including her on XYZ holiday when it is important to point out that a lot of the time she simply isn't around.

That isn't me throwing shade at her, that's a fact. MIL and I actually get along very well, she lives a very full and interesting life and I don't begrudge her this at all. Please show where I have had a sly dig? I have only said that her and my OH spend Christmas in different ways and that neither is wrong? Massively reaching aren't you.

You were being rude if you consider you were too lazy to read OP’s comments (you didn’t even have to read the 28 pages) and wrote an opinion where if you had you would have read that the kids will be seeing MIL on the same day after they have the pre-planned lunch with her mum!!!

I like my MIL but I don't want to spend Mothers day with her and I don't think she wants to spend it with me. DH goes over in the morning and then PIL go to SIL. In the past few years there have been a couple of occasions when SIL has been away (staying with her own daughter) and one year we asked PIL to lunch and the other year BIL did and MIL said no to both. DH and BIL were obviously hurt by this.

As well as not reading all of OP's updates, posters who suggest they have everyone to lunch must have small families. If you have to have both sets of parents then you would have to have both sets of siblings plus partners and, following that logic, siblings' PIL too plus their children and on and on. You would have to hire out a hall. There are 23 in DH's family plus one on the way. And maybe not everyone in your family wants your family friendly solution.

I only have sons and I agree with the OP's solution.

Mothers day not originally being about mothers and having been commercialised doesn't make it any less meaningful to some.

As if this is still going... haha!
I wonder how you will feel when your sons have grown up and got married and you dont see your grandkids on mothers day. Will you still feel just as entitled then? Maybe put the shoe on the other foot. And remember how selfish you were when your kids were small and expected it all to be about your mum. Will you respect that? Because your daughter in law wants to spend it all with her mum and her kids, so you wont get that time then? Would you feel upset about it? Im not saying this in a tw** way but just a think about it way because in all honesty i do wonder if youve thought about it in that respect?

Do you wonder if anyone else has mentioned this in the past 30 pages, or…?

Perhaps she’ll feel perfectly fine, (a) what with Mother’s Day not being grandparents day, so why would any mother have an expectation of seeing their grandchildren? And (b) MIL is seeing the grandchildren on Mother’s Day, just not at lunchtime.

I honestly cannot imagine a scenario that is more entitled than a MIL demanding her DIL forgo spending Mothers day with her own mum or giving up her children to suit me and my needs but to each their own - in case it wasn't obvious I wouldn't give a shit

@MangoPi would you be happy to have Mother’s Day by yourself when your DC are older and may have other plans?

If you would scroll to the top and use see all you will be able to read just the OPs replies and see that she has already answered this.

You will also see that the OPs MIL is not going to be on her own at all on Mother’s Day.

She's going to be having lunch with her own six children including the OPs DH. She’s going to be seeing her grandchildren in the afternoon.

What an odd question. How is this relevant?