To want to spend Mother's day with my children and my own mother?

[MangoPi]

Hello,

As the title says really...partner is not happy that I have declined invitation to his mum's lunch on mothers day in favor of going out for lunch with my own mother.

He says we have seen my mum the last 2 years...this was only because his mum was not about though, not because he has chosen not to see him mum. He also says we spend most Christmases with my mum (we see his mother on Christmas eve and boxing day - again this is because his mum goes out for Christmas, normally for a curry and then gets drunk, nothing against this but my partner doesn't like curry lol so never wants to do this!)

He then suggested I take one of our children to the lunch with my mum and he takes the other to his mums lunch. My point is, it's 'Mother's' day and they are both my children and I would like to spend it with my own mother and my children.

I don't understand why it's a problem - I said you go to the meal with your mother and siblings, I will go to lunch with my mother and my own siblings.

He is really not happy about this and thinks me and the children should just see my mum later on in the day and go for the meal with his side. It's annoying me because it is mothers day - MIL as much as we get on is not my mother, I wish to see my own mum.

Yes Hirples but his mum will see her child if he visits, OP should see her mum and her kids should be with her because she is their mum :)

No, he isn't. Try reading the updates

If a MIL was asked what she wanted for Mother’s Day and her response was that she would forego all flowers, chocolates etc just to have lunch with her grandchildren, will she always be disappointed?

I can't for the life of me imagine reading the opening comment of a 650 comment thread and thinking I'd gained enough info to add my 10p worth

Absolutely agree!

OP if awards could be given I’d give you several.

Some posters I dread to know what they do for a living because reading comprehension is a necessity in many jobs.

You can’t be given someone else’s children as a gift. “All I want for Mother’s Day is for my DIL to not see her own mother for lunch and have lunch with me instead” is weird. “All I want for Mother’s Day is for my DIL to not see her own kids for lunch while she has lunch with her mum” is weird. MIL has children to celebrate with! She sees the grandchildren on Father’s Day! She’s usually drunk on a cruise around about now and not giving a hoot!

Did you actually read all of OP’s posts?

I’m guessing not because she LITERALLY said they were visiting her MIL after the lunch with her own mum.

Where on earth did you get that from? I would understand this point of view if I was kicking off about him visiting his mum but I am not - he is guilt tripping me.

I would also understand if MIL was actually ever around and if any of us knew about it in advance - she's a great character but she is not the queen and believe it or not I do not hang about breathlessly waiting to see if she will be in the country before making plans of my own nor do I drop everything I've put in place when she does decide she is here this time.

You have no idea the support I was to my partner and his family when his father died - absolutely none, using that as a way to have a dig is beneath even posters like yourself. Try harder.

I think you are being unreasonable! There needs to be compromise. Both of you now have your own little family. Behaviours and routines change as a consequence

Choices:

1.Lunch with one then over to the other for tea and cake or light tea or something

2.Special lunch on a different day with one mum, alternating years for the lunch on Mothers Day with which Mum

3.See neither mother for lunch, have your own family lunch with you made a fss of!

4.All get together ...you say they don't get on ...well they have a choice to make then. See you ate a joint lunch or don't see you

I honestly think that both of you need to start thinking as a family unit not as individuals maintaining previous routines etc

This is getting beyond irritating now

What an odd question. Why doesn't she want to be with her children on mother's day? Why is she demanding what she wants rather than graciously accepting whatever is arranged for her pleasure? You sound very young. I would be kind to you within a framework of what I was prepared to do but I wouldn't pander to your theatrics for a second.

Here’s another one who cannot be bothered to read OP’s posts..

I have another. Some women are unwilling to allow their sons' partner one single day of relief from the burden of their expectations.

👏👏

YANBU! Spend the day with your mum and children. Your husband can spend the day with his mum. He’s making a big drama out of this!

My parents don't love locally. What happens is, similar to birthdays, unless we use it as an excuse to visit for the weekend, we just don't see each other. I ring and send a card and gift.

Seeing my mum on Mother's Day is nice but not so imperative we need to cross the country for it, I show my appreciation from a distance.

Yes, some of the posters on here really are obsessed with an over commercialised day. Personally, I couldn’t work myself up over it. I don’t feel like it’s some sort of earth-shattering event.

I would hope they teach the children basic reading and comprehension. That will put them on a level above their grandmother.

The OP isn’t obsessing, just seeing it as a lovely appropriate day to spend with her mother and her children to spend with their mother. Which seems to weirdly enrage many posters.

Loving the username, Jake.

What a waste of words. You could have stopped after the first four

Can’t believe OP is planning to murder her MIL and spit on her grave just to stop her ever seeing her grandchildren again, how selfish can you get

Stop it 😂

I can't believe I was so transparent

Some of these comments are bbleugghhh!!

Its mothers day. Your the mother and you get to decide how you spend your day. Whether you want to lay in bed all day watching netflix or go for lunch with your mother and children then so be it. He'll be spending mothers day with his mother, you with your mother and your children with their mother. Is that not how its supposed to be 🤷🏻‍♀️

This is what I feel, too. One has to be equable and you do seem to be spending more time with your mum than with his. Your children are just as much your MIL's grandchildren as your mum's. Why not all go out for lunch together? And re-organise a bit the rest of the year so that you see MIL and your mum roughly equally - I know it isn't always possible, sadly, but one can but try. (My MIL is dead, btw, and my mother in a sheltered flat 2 hours' drive away - bit fraught and she is likely to see my remaining brother and his children, but not my children.)