To want to spend Mother's day with my children and my own mother?

[MangoPi]

Hello,

As the title says really...partner is not happy that I have declined invitation to his mum's lunch on mothers day in favor of going out for lunch with my own mother.

He says we have seen my mum the last 2 years...this was only because his mum was not about though, not because he has chosen not to see him mum. He also says we spend most Christmases with my mum (we see his mother on Christmas eve and boxing day - again this is because his mum goes out for Christmas, normally for a curry and then gets drunk, nothing against this but my partner doesn't like curry lol so never wants to do this!)

He then suggested I take one of our children to the lunch with my mum and he takes the other to his mums lunch. My point is, it's 'Mother's' day and they are both my children and I would like to spend it with my own mother and my children.

I don't understand why it's a problem - I said you go to the meal with your mother and siblings, I will go to lunch with my mother and my own siblings.

He is really not happy about this and thinks me and the children should just see my mum later on in the day and go for the meal with his side. It's annoying me because it is mothers day - MIL as much as we get on is not my mother, I wish to see my own mum.

I weep for OP getting another post like this that shows people giving advice when they can’t be bothered to read the OP’s posts or even the one on this page where a poster has even made a small summary by what OP has said so far and that the situation has already been solved.

Ah yes, alternate years.

Quick OP - ban your MIL from jetting off on another cruise next year, as it will be HER TURN. It's only fair.

Or, is it ok for the MIL to have plans that keep her from having lunch with her grandchildren, just not the other way round?

Have ... you actually read ANYTHING op wrote ..., AT ALL !!!! Ops suggestion is hubby sees his mum, she sees hers, kids see their mum. HE IS SEEING HIS MUM!!!! Perhaps learn to read before commenting.

OP posts the above and gets this in response:

Teder · 08/03/2023 21:37

Omg you’re so selfish not letting him see his own mum on Mother’s Day!!!!! And what if MIL wants the joy on her special day of seeing her sons partner enjoying Mother’s Day with her grandchildren. It’s MIL’s day too! YABVVVU and selfish again! She has rights!!!!!!!!!!
She is probably sitting in the dark and cold and hungry not being able to spend this one lunch with you. Bet she does free childcare for you all the rest of the time too!! Typical selfish daughter in law. How dare you? Did I mention you are selfish?
You can see your children whenever, let the grandmother see her own children on Mother’s Day. That’s how it’s meant to be.

You also need to be less of a selfish shit and throw a big lunch for all of your extended family so you can spend it together. It’s Mother’s Day, it’s it’s the mothers responsibility to ensure everyone else is sorted.

selfish and I hope one day you, too, won’t be sitting in the dark and cold all alone having done free children 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for 18 years. Sad and left out by your selfish daughter in law and selfish family.

your behaviour is selfish.

😳Amazing! Back to school to retake comprehension classes...

Thank you for bringing that one to my attention, I actually didn't fully read some of them - I think this is probably the best out of them all!

I didn't realise I'd been called a selfish shit😂

Love the idea this poster has of MIL, who enjoys frequent cruises and a fairly lavish lifestyle, rocking herself, cold, hungry and alone in the corner, thanks to me and my selfish ways by not gracing her with my Godly presence at her one lunch of the year that I allow her to have. It's truly remarkable. How dare I indeed.

Also, my mistake, I didn't realise that on Mothers day it actually means if you happen to be a daughter in law too, you have EXTRA duties, including but not limited to throwing big lunches for the entire extended family. Must write that one down.

How fantastically bonkers.

maddy68

@maddy68

Taking both mothers out sounds like a good solution but...where do you stop? Both grandmothers may have other children, who may have partners who have mothers, If all mothers want to spend the day with their own moth@ers and children it could become a very large gathering indeed!

Don't forget the free childcare - when you let her out of her cold dark prison, that is!

I’m pretty sure @Teder was taking the piss.

I bloody hope so! Although honestly if you cared enough to read through 29 pages of it, it's not out of the realm of possibility it's sincere, a lot of posts not too far off that

Why? I have read all your posts. I still think as above!!

But fine, I'll shut up. You have made your mind up really and if that suits all members of your NUCLEAR family then that's ok isn't it! If it doesn't then down to you what choices you make!!

Yes!! And I am stunned that anyone took it seriously! Probably highlights what the problem is here actually!!!!

They’re already doing the first one you wrote.

I’m highly confused on why the onus is on OP to facilitate her MIL who chooses to be away during such events including some that people consider “family-oriented” holidays. MIL does what she desires yet OP cannot do the same and must make sure her and the children are ready to receive her when MIL chooses to be around even over her own mother who she made plans with beforehand?

The only one who was making a fuss was MIL’s son who has since come to reason with the plan that OP continues with her pre-made plans with her mother and children and then OP and children join her DH with MIL.

Have ... you actually read ANYTHING op wrote ..., AT ALL !!!! Ops suggestion is hubby sees his mum, she sees hers, kids see their mum. HE IS SEEING HIS MUM!!!! Perhaps learn to read before commenting.

Pretty sure the post you quoted was a joke. To highlight the ridiculousness of previous posts.

I don't think you are being unreasonable OP.

Honestly, I feel a little bit bad. I do cards and flowers on the day but rarely see either my mother or MIL on the actual day itself.

We normally make plans and go for afternoon tea instead on another date. To be fair they both leave far from us so logistically not easy to see them as often as we would like.

MIL does what she desires yet OP cannot do the same

Silly! OP is married to someone's son and therefore of course her own wants, needs and family must come second to that.

Well I for one hope you have a lovely Mother's Day 😊. Has he stopped moaning? You had already made plans, its really simple I don't get the angst. I adore my MIL and spend loads of time with her but it wouldn't occur to me to go see her on Mother's Day. I also know she secretly likes her own children making a fuss of her without all the partners and kids rocking up!

to be fair, i only read it copied and pasted recently, I missed it when it was originally posted and would probably have realized it was a joke but considering some have honestly been nearly that dramatic it equally didn't shock me nor immediately occur that it was a joke,

If anything, it rather nicely sums up how ridiculous some people have actually been on this thread.

And the reason it's getting irritating is because I'd already addressed the things you had asked/brought up, several times in fact and couldn't be bothered to repeat it if you couldn't be bothered to read my posts

Yanbu, quite rightly, it is Mother's Day, YOU get to choose who you see and where you go.
However, Christmas, going forward- why not alternate?

We see my family on Christmas day and his on the surrounding days because his mum goes out for food on Christmas day as she finds a traditional Christmas 'boring' - nothing wrong with that but my partner enjoys Christmas dinner, the present opening, the games etc. His mum sees it as a different event, for socializing and drinking. Neither is wrong or right, they just enjoy the day differently.

She is not always here around Christmas either

I don't know if anyone has suggested this OP but why not leave the kids with DH and MIL and go out for a child-free day with your mum?

OP has said she wants to enjoy being with her children on Mother's Day and they want to be with her as she is their mother.

She's also mentioned that the lunch involves her siblings too so that her mother can be with all her children too.

That's why the MIL's lunch can't be moved to a different time or day too I assume as the MIL has several children including the OP's DH who are all going to spend time with their mother.

Because her kids will want to treat her and be with her on mother's day. As it's mother's day.

Fair play to you OP for sticking with this , but the posters on this thread that are questioning you are just doing it for the hell of it . I've come to the conclusion that 50% of the ridiculous posters on this thread are the types who I would absolutely fucking loath to spend a mother's day with !