To want to spend Mother's day with my children and my own mother?

[MangoPi]

Hello,

As the title says really...partner is not happy that I have declined invitation to his mum's lunch on mothers day in favor of going out for lunch with my own mother.

He says we have seen my mum the last 2 years...this was only because his mum was not about though, not because he has chosen not to see him mum. He also says we spend most Christmases with my mum (we see his mother on Christmas eve and boxing day - again this is because his mum goes out for Christmas, normally for a curry and then gets drunk, nothing against this but my partner doesn't like curry lol so never wants to do this!)

He then suggested I take one of our children to the lunch with my mum and he takes the other to his mums lunch. My point is, it's 'Mother's' day and they are both my children and I would like to spend it with my own mother and my children.

I don't understand why it's a problem - I said you go to the meal with your mother and siblings, I will go to lunch with my mother and my own siblings.

He is really not happy about this and thinks me and the children should just see my mum later on in the day and go for the meal with his side. It's annoying me because it is mothers day - MIL as much as we get on is not my mother, I wish to see my own mum.

'equal' not equable (though that's a good idea, too).

I feel like I’m living in some kind of alternative universe with some of these quite frankly, downright ridiculous responses!
On MOTHER’s Day you see your MOTHER,
your OH sees his MOTHER,
your children see their MOTHER.
That really should be the end of it.
Why do the OP’s children have to see their dad’s mother at all on that day? She’s not their mother! It’s not grandparents day! He doesn’t have to be with one or either of them because it’s not Father’s Day, it’s Mother’s Day! Just see the MIL any other day!
No need to take turns either in my opinion because whose mother is whose will be the same every year!
🤯
OP you must have some patience reading some of these nonsense replies!

What about all the other people MIL and OP's mum are due to be having lunch with?

I'm 45 and a mum, I've never done what I wanted on mothers day to this day. My mum passed away when I was 21 and so every year we go to see MIL and this year we are seeing my SIL MIL for a buffet lunch. But I'm fine with that because they are older and its just lovely being with everyone together.

Not selfish if it is because HIS mum has other plans.

Surely as the OP is the mother in this scenario she gets to choose and understandably she wants to spend it with her children and her own mum. Her DP gets to do what he wants on Father's Day. It is not GM day either. The DP can spend it with his mum.

We don't get any of this angst. I live 250 miles away from my mum and one daughter lives local and has children, the other lives 100 miles away. Sometimes we meet up but quite honestly most restaurants on Mother's Day are a disappointment with the service slow and it being too crowded.

I haven't read all the thread, but can't you all go out for a meal together?
That's what we do.
Me, my mum, the kids, DH and MIL.

OP I'm with you. It's not bloody Christmas where compromise should and needs to happen. I don't understand couples/families who spend Christmas Day apart because they each want to only go to their own families but Mother's Day is different - divide and conquer. Your children celebrate Mother's Day with you, their mum and you celebrate Mother's Day with your Mum. The fact that it means your Mum get's to spend Mother's Day with her Grandchildren is beside the point. DH spends Mother's Day with his Mum and if there are any female siblings in attendance then DH's Mum will get to spend time with their DC on account of them spending the day with their Mum.

You’re right.

That is, you haven’t read the thread. 🤭

There's 28 pages and it's 1 in the morning and I'm still up getting sucked into MN so no I haven't 😭🤣
I take it there's a reason they can't all have a meal together so everyone is it with their mum's then

🤣🤣🤣 Sorry.

Its just been one of those threads where OP has answered everything and still posters are saying the same things. 😅

Ah 😁
So basically this thread is the Mother's Day version of cancel the cheque lol 😁

Ha. Exactly that. 😂

You don’t have to read the whole thread but is there a reason you didn’t read the OP’s replies by using the ‘read all’ function before making a reply?

You would have read all the replies which explain exactly why there’s no ‘all family’ lunch and why the MIL is seeing her child and her grandchildren on Mother’s Day at some point even if not for lunch time.

The only thing I would think is that one day your children will be grown. How would you feel if their partner didn't want to spend time with you? I think what you put in now comes back to you so celebrate both mums and you. Stop making it an issue.

I would either try and have a meal with both mothers, partner and children or see both mothers in one day

Cancel the cheque!

If they didn't want to spend time with me? Sad. If they didn't want to spend time with me on Mother's Day? Nothing at all. That would be like being sad if they didn't want to spend time with me on their own mother's birthday. They are just busy on that particular day with the person they need to celebrate with.

It sounds a bit childish to me. It's just a day. See your mum, or his mum, another day. Or see them both on the same day, either together or separately.

I think spending time with people regularly and often throughout the year when you like to, and not because someone has decided to nominate a particular day for it, to maximise the commercial opportunity, is far more important.

Would you try reading the thread, though?

OP has described a well populated family on both sides, with both her mother and her MIL having an organised lunch for their various offspring. Seemingly they all live close enough to each other that it's possible to visit both GMs on the same day (as it has been proposed OP's children do that very thing) - but it isn't possible to attend both lunches at the same time because neither OP nor her DP have quite mastered that valuable skill. Merging two large family lunches is going to be impractical, even without the fact that some of them can't hack being in the same place as each other. So whoever goes to their partner's do instead of their own will be missing out on a huge family gathering with all their siblings, not just a one to one with mama. Either way they're not missing out on spending quality time with their partner because they'll probably see him/her for more hours than they'll be apart. Special breakfast, romantic dinner, movie night etc all a possibility either side of a lunch with Mum, even a big lunch that's more like a party.

People suggesting one mother gets visited on a different day - well she probably will be as well. This isn't the only day in the year when they're allowed out. However, it's not the same as having all your children gathered together in your honour. As a mother of 4 I would appreciate that more than anything. Also suppose jet-setting MIL doesn't actually want two grandchildren-filled days running? She'll probably need a day to recover from the first one! (Not sure about that bit - she sounds like someone with more than her fair share of energy.)

And the most important detail: OP's DP has accepted that his objection was unreasonable and will be working with her from here on to ensure that no mothers are left out or put upon as far as possible.

It's not an issue, me and MIL get on and spend time together when she is here, MIL is being celebrated, she's having an entire lunch with all 6 of her children

No their children visit them/spend time with them. Not their in laws. Not that there’s a rule book

If you have boys, years from now will you be happy not seeing his children because at the end of the day his MIL is more important in the equation. I mean I’m not against seeing your mum but surely you can be fair. Maybe a year each.
or if you live close pop in to MIL for a few hours first?

OP hasn’t banned MIL altogether from seeing the grandchildren, who in any case see MIL on a different special day, Father’s Day. And are available to see on every other day of the year! She just wants to enjoy her Mother’s Day with her children and her mother, not someone else’s.