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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to sell my house?

163 replies

moneyhouse · 08/03/2023 06:27

In a nutshell:
Been living with DP and his 2 kids for 4 years. We are very happy and I can honestly say we have a fabulous relationship. He lost his job recently but has been using his savings- And is looking for something else. I have my own house but I rent that out to friends. With that money I pay my mortgage and bills and I pay for our holidays and I pay for all the shopping. I've also chipped in for the new bathroom recently too. I don't pay any of his house bills.
Recently he said he thought it would be a good idea - for us as a couple - for me to sell my house. And for me to buy half of his - which would pay off his mortgage - I would become joint owner - and we would have money over to buy another property he would renovate. The 2nd house would be solely in my name - but half the value of my present house. And he would take a wage from doing up the house - which he is definitely capable of.

To prevent drip feed - I work full time and I don't have kids but I have 2 lovely nieces who I would leave my house to if I don't sell in the near future.
I feel bad because I agreed in principle to his idea - but I'm having second thoughts. I don't like the idea of selling my present house. It's not particularly a fear of splitting up - it's the fact I don't want to feel trapped in a relationship ever again.
I would be quite happy chipping in to his mortgage seen as he might be struggling soon but AIBU to feel like selling my present house is NOT in my benefit?
And how do I let him down gently? I do love him and I do believe in us - I just don't want to sell my house.

OP posts:
Grumpsy · 08/03/2023 06:35

If you don’t want to sell it then don’t. Sit down and have a conversation with him and explain that you don’t want to sell your house. Personally I’d offer to help with a proportion of the bills if he’s struggling, I’m also assuming you’re saving money by not paying towards the household bills ?

CafeConLechePronto · 08/03/2023 06:36

YANBU to want to keep your assets separate. If you're unmarried then you need your security, both financially and emotionally.

His suggestion isn't outrageous and could be advantageous to you both from a financial point of view, however, if you don't feel comfortable with the idea then just tell him that, in plain terms.

If you do plan to get married then I'd be offering slightly different advice but as things stand, YANBU.

That said, I think you need to be paying towards the bills if you're living in his house.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 08/03/2023 06:37

I'm just tell him it's not something you'd like to do, you should be helping towards bills.

Zcity · 08/03/2023 06:37

I wouldn't sell your house.

If you're living with him though I do think it's fair for you to be contributing towards the household bills.

snitzelvoncrumb · 08/03/2023 06:37

I wouldn’t sell it. You never know what the future holds. It will make it much simpler if you do split.

CleaningOutMyCloset · 08/03/2023 06:39

If you don't want to, then don't. There's a lot to be said for being financially secure in your own right, it gives you peace of mind and it will eventually be paid off and it'll turn into a revenue stream that will benefit you both later in life.

What % does he have left to pay on his mortgage? Could you offer to take this on, in return for a guaranteed % if you split? I'm presuming he's doing this because he wants to be mortgage free, have a wage for doing up the new house and that means he doesn't have to find employment so quickly?

illiterato · 08/03/2023 06:40

Apart from anything else, Is him renovating the house instead of him getting a job? Has he actually done a proper budget including all the tradespeople because a lot of buyers are actively avoiding “in need of modernisations” at the moment because it’s so hard and expensive to get people in and if house prices drift down ( I’m not a crash ghoul but I do expect some softening) then that’s further margin compression. I just don’t think nows the time to be getting into that game as a novice renovator/ house flipper.

NameOchangeO1 · 08/03/2023 06:41

Does his proposal stack up financially? It sounds like your current rental house gives a really good return- would a cheaper property do the same, or would you have more capital tied up in mortgages?
I can see what is in this for him from a financial perspective. It's up to you whether you want to give him the security he seems to be looking for at this stage, but actually you - including both of you as a couple- might be worse off in cash terms if you give up your house.

R0ckets · 08/03/2023 06:41

To be honest I'm not sure why your not paying anything towards his house already. You act like you'd be doing him a favour by potentially contributing to his mortgage but you're living in the house so should be paying towards it.

I wouldn't sell the house you rent out if you don't want to but there does need to be some financial imput from your side so I can see why he's suggesting it.

Tiswa · 08/03/2023 06:41

Are you paying anything towards gas and electricity anywhere? Council tax (I assume your tenants pay yours) because by you living there he has lost the single person allowance.

You have every right not to sell your house. But the current arrangement does seem unfair. Paying towards his mortgage would potentially give you rights to his house that may not be fair either unless you clearly say yiu have no interest i. It

at the mome

MaryBeardsShoes · 08/03/2023 06:45

OP pays for all the shopping and holidays for four people. Sounds like she contributed at least her fair share.

I wouldn’t sell my house either OP!

Lemons1571 · 08/03/2023 06:51

Way too much faff. What about the tax and fees involved in selling and buying these properties? What if the new property you buy costs a lot in repairs and maintenance? You’d be swapping a good solid dependable second property for an unknown. Ugh sounds like a lot of work/risk before you even get to the big financial questions.

Keep your house, and put more of your salary his way - maybe fewer holidays and pay for the utilities instead if he’s struggling? I wouldn’t combine finances unless married either.

Celticdawn5 · 08/03/2023 06:52

Don’t sell your house.

FourTeaFallOut · 08/03/2023 06:52

Don't do it. You sell the security you have in your own name, buy in to his home security and then he gets to play property developer with the left overs. Why don't you tell him to look for a proper job and leave you out of it?

Suetcrust · 08/03/2023 06:55

Speaking from experience -
Don’t sell your house. Just don’t.

Take legal advice too about your current living with him scenario. You could find yourself kindly contributing more and more to his home (bathrooms, decorating, refurb of this and that) such that if you split up you are worse off. He will reap the benefit of improvements you’ve generously contributed to. Keep a note of any major expenditure you make towards his house.
Tricky situation. Think of yourself. Think of future worst case scenario.

TeeBee · 08/03/2023 06:56

Don't do it! Peace of mind is everything.

SD1978 · 08/03/2023 06:59

Whilst not contributing to the mortgage is reasonable- do you not pay part of all the other bills?

Theunamedcat · 08/03/2023 07:00

What will your friends do if you sell the house?

MRex · 08/03/2023 07:02

If you're working full-time and get income from your house, can you buy half of his house and you take on the mortgage payments at that point? It sounds like you can afford it, it gets him out of a hole and you don't need to lose your house. If he then wants a flat to do up, let him work that out by himself.

BreadwinneBaker · 08/03/2023 07:05

The fact that his financial situation has prompted this would make me very, very nervous.

It has the potential to go very badly wrong for everyone.

You should work on a proper, fair financial transparent agreement where you pay towards living costs clearly though... You've muddied the water by paying for holidays for 4 people.. just contribute fairly towards living costs. Fair depends on your incomes and housing costs and relative earnings but in reality you need to fix the underlying cause - unclear financial links with him.

Not dive in to sell your house at a time of economic uncertainty on an unknown house in a wobbling housing market because he lost his job.

It's not the right trigger to go all in with your finances and his.

Cherrysoup · 08/03/2023 07:10

Didn’t you post about this recently or was it just someone else with 2 nieces? And the dp wanted to buy a holiday house abroad?

Original poster
moneyhouse · 08/03/2023 07:11

Thanks for the replies so far. It's what I would advise a friend to do who was in the same situation. I just feel bad telling him - I don't want him to think I don't believe in us as a couple. I just want to keep my own home.
I pay out about 1300 a month on the joint things I pay for. He pays approximately the same with mortgage and bills - but his mortgage will increase by 300 pounds in September because his mortgage term will expire then.
I 'earn' 100 pounds from renting out my house. I'm not a landlord as such- I'm just helping my friends out. The 100 I earn I put towards repairs in 'my house'.
I don't want another mortgage tbh for an extra apartment for him to do up.
I've contributed loads to his home. I'm not asking for any of it- I did it of free will and to make the house nicer for me (all of us) to live there. I also pay for things for his kids. I treat them a lot.

OP posts:
Original poster
moneyhouse · 08/03/2023 07:12

@Cherrysoup no it wasn't me lol

OP posts:
Original poster
moneyhouse · 08/03/2023 07:13

@BreadwinneBaker
Thanks yes this is it really.

OP posts:
Original poster
moneyhouse · 08/03/2023 07:14

@Lemons1571 yes exactly what I was thinking.

OP posts:
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