To not want to sell my house?

[moneyhouse]

In a nutshell:
Been living with DP and his 2 kids for 4 years. We are very happy and I can honestly say we have a fabulous relationship. He lost his job recently but has been using his savings- And is looking for something else. I have my own house but I rent that out to friends. With that money I pay my mortgage and bills and I pay for our holidays and I pay for all the shopping. I've also chipped in for the new bathroom recently too. I don't pay any of his house bills.
Recently he said he thought it would be a good idea - for us as a couple - for me to sell my house. And for me to buy half of his - which would pay off his mortgage - I would become joint owner - and we would have money over to buy another property he would renovate. The 2nd house would be solely in my name - but half the value of my present house. And he would take a wage from doing up the house - which he is definitely capable of.

To prevent drip feed - I work full time and I don't have kids but I have 2 lovely nieces who I would leave my house to if I don't sell in the near future.
I feel bad because I agreed in principle to his idea - but I'm having second thoughts. I don't like the idea of selling my present house. It's not particularly a fear of splitting up - it's the fact I don't want to feel trapped in a relationship ever again.
I would be quite happy chipping in to his mortgage seen as he might be struggling soon but AIBU to feel like selling my present house is NOT in my benefit?
And how do I let him down gently? I do love him and I do believe in us - I just don't want to sell my house.

Nice but OP’s using them to pay off a mortgage which is different. I’m not being mean; just trying to stop her ending up with a hefty bill if the taxman catches up with her. She hasn’t said how much they pay her 🤷🏼‍♀️ Plus like PP said, the house could burn down and her tenants would be entitled to nothing for their possessions as she isn’t insured.

Don't sell

@Moonicorn they may my mortgage amount and the amount of utilities- but with an extra 100 on top to cover upkeep.

When someone renovates or flips a house they EITHER take someone else's money to do so, draw a regular wage and the resulting profit goes to the investor OR they use their own money and they get the profit at the end when it sells.

I've never heard of someone getting both! He's expecting you to finance his home, parent his kids, pay off his mortgage and employ him. Wow.

Why did he lose his job? Is he genuinely trying to find another? Is he struggling to find another? You need to be clear about the whys of all this.

Alarm bells go off for me when a man fancies drawing a wage developing a property his partner buys for him. And no matter how solid your relationship is or seems right now, MN shows us that could change at any time. You'd be making your own situation much more entangled and precarious.

How long have they lived there? They should’ve saved up enough money by now to privately rent elsewhere. They are not tenants. It seems that they are taking advantage of your kindness because I imagine you’re paying the mortgage, bills, council tax etc. I wouldn’t do this to a friend in the long term. I’d be grateful for a couple of months to save money if I fell on hard times, but not stay indefinitely.

It would be easier for you to sell the property and then keep the money as savings or as an investment property (only in your name).

But how much is that, all together? That’s what decides whether you should be paying tax, not what the money is used for by the landlord. Sorry to keep bringing it up but you seem reluctant to say?

You've answered your question with your post about your tenants OP. You don't want to evict them, you and they are happy.

The thing is your starting point should be simply that you don't want to sell. I expect you feel you will need to justify this. But ultimately regardless of what your DP says it's not right for you.

I'm wondering here - are you worried about his reaction? Are you concerned this could really change your relationship?

It’s your pension it’s not for sale.

Insurance wise it's far from all ok.
If something goes wrong, the loss adjuster will see through that in a heartbeat and the insurers will not pay out.
You really need to sort this out and get the arrangment formalised and above board.

Don't sell the house though.

He's expecting you to finance his home, parent his kids, pay off his mortgage and employ him. Wow.

This, absolutely. Do not let him pressure you, OP. He's not coming across as a good guy at all. Have you been a bit taken in by the 'sole dad raising his kids all alone' halo, which society likes to bestow on men for something women do as a matter of course? He's not. He got you.

I absolutely would not do this.

He would really benefit, but I’m not sure you would. Especially if down the line the relationship fails.

Keep your house, but be careful not to end up with a whopping tax bill and penalties if the taxman ever finds out.

Couple of points. I haven't read everything though.
Is your other half just putting off finding another job. Renovating will last a certain time and then what ? Will he want to buy another renovation project with the profit made.

With your current tenants, lovely as you find them, would they move out ever ?
One day you might want them to even if you don't now.
Without a formal tenancy in place would you actually be able to move them out if you wished to ?
You have invited them in by allowing them to live in your property.
Are they essentially squatting in the legal sense. Squatters get rights over property ownership over a number of years.
And you may well have gone awol on your mortgage agreement.
Whilst it is nice to be so kind to others, you do have to think of the law and practicalities. And yourself sometimes. Do check out the position you are in with your 'tenants', who actually are not as you don't have a legal agreement.

Legally I still live at the house so insurance wise etc it's all ok. I have a small box room /bedroom there with some of my stuff in.

you seem REALLY really financially naive OP.

do you know what is meant in legal terms re: living there?

Would an insurer agree if it's burnt down?
Would the council agree - since someone has to be liable for council tax?
What about electoral roll?
HMRC don't care about you having a box room with stuff in for tax purposes, and neither would a court if you ever needed to get your friend out of the house and they refused to leave.

Your current messy financial setup (doing favours for friends, not being a legit landlord, the absolute piss take of your partner's expectations mixed in with you spending a huge amount of money on discretionary holidays you deem vital) is way, way overdue a clean up.

You are not married to your DP so from your point of view your house is your only real asset / security for just you. So no, I would definitely not be selling. I know my sister kept hers as a pension as she knew that she didn't have a good pension having given up work to have kids and be a SAHM for about 10 years.

It would probably be a good idea to open a household bank account and work out how much you both put in each month and from that you can still get holidays, clothes etc along with paying the mortgage and household bills. That way looking from the outside in it looks like everything was done fairly.

Obviously don't sell your house. But do you ever envisage getting married?

I can't get past the fact that he wants you to pay him to do up a house you have to buy so that he can use the rest of your money to clear his mortgage!

It's a big no from me.

Ok, just read this.

This is a really bad idea. Don't do this. If you haven't lived there for 4 years and won't anytime soon declare it going forward.

Your tenancy agreement or lack of it is an issue. They may or may not be legally squatters. But do you link into HMRC or do they claim benefits? Make sure you are not in some sort of hideous web OP.

You posted about this recently?

Ring up the bank. Ask them if it's OK
Ring the insurer. Ask them
Ring the council. Ask them.
You see it as helping friends but hmrc the bank and the council will see it differently.
Nothing wrong with helping friends just make sure you're above board

@Glame no I really didn't. Looks there are more naive people out there 🙈😂

I'm telling him later. He is not going to be happy at all. I feel quite empowered after reading most of the comments. So thank you all.
Re my tenants. None of us are claiming any form of benefit. I sometimes pop up for a night out with my friend and will occasionally stay the night there too. It's not that far from us - about 2 hour's drive. They cover my costs on my house by being there and paying me what I tell them they owe that month with an extra 100 pounds for upkeep. We keep it very fair. That's all there is to it. As I mentioned they keep the house neat and do the garden - which is huge and way too much work for me anyway.

He's not going to be happy? If he can't take it on the chin with good grace, then that tells you all you need to know about him. It's not his house, it's not his money, you are not his personal financer.