To not want to sell my house?

[moneyhouse]

In a nutshell:
Been living with DP and his 2 kids for 4 years. We are very happy and I can honestly say we have a fabulous relationship. He lost his job recently but has been using his savings- And is looking for something else. I have my own house but I rent that out to friends. With that money I pay my mortgage and bills and I pay for our holidays and I pay for all the shopping. I've also chipped in for the new bathroom recently too. I don't pay any of his house bills.
Recently he said he thought it would be a good idea - for us as a couple - for me to sell my house. And for me to buy half of his - which would pay off his mortgage - I would become joint owner - and we would have money over to buy another property he would renovate. The 2nd house would be solely in my name - but half the value of my present house. And he would take a wage from doing up the house - which he is definitely capable of.

To prevent drip feed - I work full time and I don't have kids but I have 2 lovely nieces who I would leave my house to if I don't sell in the near future.
I feel bad because I agreed in principle to his idea - but I'm having second thoughts. I don't like the idea of selling my present house. It's not particularly a fear of splitting up - it's the fact I don't want to feel trapped in a relationship ever again.
I would be quite happy chipping in to his mortgage seen as he might be struggling soon but AIBU to feel like selling my present house is NOT in my benefit?
And how do I let him down gently? I do love him and I do believe in us - I just don't want to sell my house.

On the basis that he is your DP and not your DH, no. You are financially stable. Keep it that way. You never know what’s going to happen in the future.

Hope telling him goes well, I'd be reevaluating if he doesn't accept with grace.

no chance. Keep your house, contribute to his and he can get a job

Have you posted about this before?

@R0ckets Well she's paying for ALL the shopping (so for him and his kids) and paying for holidays (presumably for all of them) so that probably easily covers her contribution. I dare say she takes on a certain amount of childcare too.

I think you're correct to presume your partner will be upset when you tell him your intentions....but he'll get over it soon enough.
I'm unsure why people seem to think you're taking advantage of anyone or out for yourself. Seems to me your contributing a fair amount towards living expenses particularly as the children aren't yours. Your also contributing to the 'family' by doing a share of childcare etc. On top of that you're helping your friends out by letting them stay in your home for a reduced rent and in turn you have decent tenants who aren't averse to carrying out some minor maintenance. As things stand this arrangement is working well. I don't blame you for wanting to maintain the status quo, however....your OH has no job and his mortgage is going to go up. Do you plan on upping your contribution to help out?

Random suggestion but could you all move into your home and then rent his out (maybe to your friends)? Or perhaps he could sell up and use his money to buy a 'doer upperer'. That way they'd be no pressure in terms of how much work he did or didn't do but the quicker he gets on with it the sooner he can flip it or move in.

I would not sell.

offer to pay a little more towards living, it seems you would be giving up far too much, you’re not married and even if so (I’m divorced so a little aware of life’s pitfalls), I would keep your house as insurance in life.

Sounds like he needs a job and not a job doing up a house for you (and a wage what a cheek)! Say you did split up, he could invoice you for parts (not labour), but could end costly. Up to you, but this is not a sellers market, tread very carefully.

Absolutely NOT. First, Do not invest your money in repairs/ upgrades to HIS house. Every cent you spend on his property gives You a claim on it.

DO NOT SELL YOUR HOUSE. If you break up you would be left with NOTHING.

You should pay a nominal rent, keeping in mind that He has to declare that as income. & pay tax on it.
you should Only be paying Your share of groceries and utilities.

He has a Child so 35% of the bills for you is fair because they consume more of everything than you do.

keep your personal bills separate, pay only your phone, health costs etc.

He would take a Wage to do up Your less valuable asset I Don’t Think So.
Him doing the work on the place, even if he was paid for some of it WOULD GIVE HIM A CLAIM ON YOUR HOUSE.

You’re being hoodwinked, get yourself to a Lawyer Yesterday , get a Will done & actions in place to Protect your Asset before he steals it out from under you.

I probably wouldn't if you are not married. I did similar and sold my house and paid off DH's mortgage but we were (are!) married. I did rent it out for a year first though. Could you rent yours out to keep your options open?

Of course he isn’t going to be happy, he wants to use your financial stability to increase his own personal finances (no mortgage) then take more of your money through a “wage”. You get half a joint house, a house to renovate that you can’t rent out while paying DP a wage and paying half bills on one house and I suspect all of the bills on the other.

All benefits to DP. All risk and reduced finances to you.

How badly he responds to you saying no will tell you a lot about your relationship. Glad you have your head screwed on about this situation.

OP,

I hope you read and re read the above.

He is only thinking of himself and is more than happy to hugely disadvantage you to make money.

That you cannot see this and are allowing yourself to be used as is, is very sad.

He is ALL about himself.

If you don't wake up to the reality of this, you are hugely at risk of messing your life up financially.

He is all lovely as he is absolutely playing you and must think you are a bit dim to fall for his "plans".

The "wage" idea is something only a real CF would dare suggest and think has a chance of it flying.

Be very very wary.

Do not sell your house. What he wants you to do is utterly crazy from your point of view. It's a longwinded, roundabout, expensive, , complicated way for you to end up with a worse house than you have now. It looks like a vehicle for him to avoid getting a job and getting you to pay him a wage for doing something highly speculative and unpredictable. Incidentally, where would you all live while he's doing up this wreck that he wants you to employ him to renovate?

From your point of view, having a house as well as being an asset is a liability and you need to shore yourself up against anything that might arise. Your focus should be on paying off your mortgage faster and saving up a fund for eventualities, while you have a full-time job, instead of subsidising his family holidays, clothing and house renovations - how much did you pay for the bathroom?

You need to review the present arrangement and pay instead a proportion of the essential household bills and regularise that - a reasonable share of gas and electricity, food, house insurance, council tax, miscellaneous daily outgoings (do you share a car and daily travel?) and a modest contribution as notional rent for your living there. And insist he get a job. Make clear that you are not willing to subsidise a man who won't get a job - what's the reason he lost his job? - and who has mortgage and parental liabilities, with a substantial mortgage increase looming. This is not your house and not your children but his and he needs to shoulder his responsibilities which you are not liable for, although naturally you contribute and help out as you are partners living together. If he is trying to shirk any of that, run a mile.

I'm glad you feel empowered to say no.

Ive been married 10 years and we have only just sold 'my' property.

I just wasn't ready before. Sounds like you aren't ready now.