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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to sell my house?

163 replies

moneyhouse · 08/03/2023 06:27

In a nutshell:
Been living with DP and his 2 kids for 4 years. We are very happy and I can honestly say we have a fabulous relationship. He lost his job recently but has been using his savings- And is looking for something else. I have my own house but I rent that out to friends. With that money I pay my mortgage and bills and I pay for our holidays and I pay for all the shopping. I've also chipped in for the new bathroom recently too. I don't pay any of his house bills.
Recently he said he thought it would be a good idea - for us as a couple - for me to sell my house. And for me to buy half of his - which would pay off his mortgage - I would become joint owner - and we would have money over to buy another property he would renovate. The 2nd house would be solely in my name - but half the value of my present house. And he would take a wage from doing up the house - which he is definitely capable of.

To prevent drip feed - I work full time and I don't have kids but I have 2 lovely nieces who I would leave my house to if I don't sell in the near future.
I feel bad because I agreed in principle to his idea - but I'm having second thoughts. I don't like the idea of selling my present house. It's not particularly a fear of splitting up - it's the fact I don't want to feel trapped in a relationship ever again.
I would be quite happy chipping in to his mortgage seen as he might be struggling soon but AIBU to feel like selling my present house is NOT in my benefit?
And how do I let him down gently? I do love him and I do believe in us - I just don't want to sell my house.

OP posts:
Cosyblankets · 08/03/2023 13:05

Well I'm glad you've seen the light regarding your other half. But please think carefully about your tenants and your own house. I cannot stress enough that your house will not be insured in the event of a fire etc. You say you officially live there? Is that just you? Sole occupancy council tax? Where do they officially live? Where do their bank statements and voting cards go?

Moonicorn · 08/03/2023 13:06

It doesn’t matter if you or they claim benefits. What matters is simply the amount they transfer to you monthly. If this is over X, then you re liable to pay landlord tax. If you are not doing this you are committing fraud and may end up with an enormous tax bill and a black mark against your name. You’re trying to dress this up as ‘staying off the record to be kind to my tenants’ but as you’re refusing to disclose how much they pay you, I’m inclined to believe it’s so you can circumvent your legal duties and tax. 🤷🏼‍♀️

FourTeaFallOut · 08/03/2023 13:09

Also, you do need to sort out this situation with your tenants. Landlords have lots of obligations and responsibilities and circumnavigating them like this leaves you and them vulnerable.

MountainSnow · 08/03/2023 13:22

You need to check your tax situation - mortgage interest payments are no longer tax deductible in whole or in a part, I can't remember the latest. But don't be lulled into thinking you have no tax liability as you only have £100 profit per month. Letting your property will also invalidate insurance / mortgage if not disclosed

BreadwinneBaker · 08/03/2023 13:35

Aside from the tax, insurance implications of the illegal tenancy, you could also be personally liable for not holding their deposit in a deposit protection scheme OP (if you have even taken a deposit? www.gov.uk/deposit-protection-schemes-and-landlords).

It's a rare occasion but these types of horror stories DO happen: www.landlordzone.co.uk/news/deposit-warning-landlord-narrowly-avoids-83760-fine-after-failing-to-protect/

All it takes is a faulty wire causing a house fire, or HMRC doing a very basic check of your taxes/property ownership and you'll get caught out. £100 on top of your mortgage/costs for renting it out is totally irrelavent these days, you need to declare to a heap of organisations about your illegal tenancy. And that's what it is - its not helping a family friend, you are letting a property illegally.

There are other offenses in the mix depending on where you are e.g in Wales or Scotland, if you fail to register as a landlord, there are additional issues on top.

Moonicorn · 08/03/2023 13:37

MountainSnow · 08/03/2023 13:22

You need to check your tax situation - mortgage interest payments are no longer tax deductible in whole or in a part, I can't remember the latest. But don't be lulled into thinking you have no tax liability as you only have £100 profit per month. Letting your property will also invalidate insurance / mortgage if not disclosed

All rent is ‘profit’ minus expenses for repairs and letting agent fees. OP using it to pay her mortgage is still ‘profit’, I’m not sure why she doesn’t see it that way? It isn’t subjective, it’s the law.

Aweebitpainful · 08/03/2023 13:48

I wouldn’t do it OP

Naunet · 08/03/2023 14:01

Dibbydoos · 08/03/2023 08:22

How come you're not contributing to household bills 50:50 with him - I assume you live together?

Also you don't need to buy or sell anything, you can get a mortgage using your income. He can do the place up without salary if you can cover household bills and sone pocket money until he's finished. You can then remortgage to a b2l and take equity out of tge property, he can take earnings from the equity, square up with you what you paid whilst he was doing the place up and you both jointly own tgd property. Best set up a SPV business to do this through as its easier to divvy up shiuld anything go wrong, judt make sure you cover this in the shareholder agreement and both sign it.

She is contributing 50% financially, she’s also caring for his kids 50% of the time. Out of interest though, why do you think she should pay 50% when he has 2 kids to house and feed and he’s not married to her?

Naunet · 08/03/2023 14:09

QuizzlyBear · 08/03/2023 09:10

When someone renovates or flips a house they EITHER take someone else's money to do so, draw a regular wage and the resulting profit goes to the investor OR they use their own money and they get the profit at the end when it sells.

I've never heard of someone getting both! He's expecting you to finance his home, parent his kids, pay off his mortgage and employ him. Wow.

This. How does this arrangement even benefit you OP? Let’s just say you go along with his plan, what happens if it did all go wrong and you want to split? He has kids, so he won’t be moving out of the house, he might even get to hang on to it until the kids are 18 so you couldn’t force the sale to free up some cash to help you with a new place.I just can’t see any benefit whatsoever.

Also, why are you doing 50% of the childcare for him? That’s a huge, huge favour to do for him, I mean he is getting an absolutely amazing deal out of all this.

EL8888 · 08/03/2023 14:32

Glad to see your update. For you it would be a terrible idea. I can see what he gets out of it but not what you get out of it. Does he know he’s already got an excellent deal?!

It must be nice being the ex. Swanning around doing what they like and not even contributing a penny financially

Daftapath · 08/03/2023 14:33

If once you have finished renovating this new house and come to sell it, wouldn't you be liable to capital gains as you would own half of your oh's property in which you live?

Does your oh know that you plan to leave your current property to your nieces? Maybe he assumes his children would get it?

If something were to happen to you, your nieces would not be able to receive their full inheritance without oh selling his home.

Sounds very messy.

If you and oh cannot currently afford to pay bills, mortgage and travel/holidays, surely it is the holidays that should be stopped or curtailed for a while, regardless of the reason for travel ... unless there is a legal reason why you need to take the children to visit?

billy1966 · 08/03/2023 15:04

OP,

You sound like a good friend.

Do not sell that house.

I think he sees you as a great childcare sharing workhorse cash cow.

He has it all figured out.

You will get a taste of the real him when you say a firm No.

You would be spectacularly naive to sell your property.

Spectacularly so.

You don't have children, you are contributing enough in his home.....yet he wants a wage from you🙄

Don't be anyone's cashcow, it makes you very vulnerable to being used and abused financially.

TheTeenageYears · 08/03/2023 15:12

If you were to sell your house there's all the usual costs plus capital gains tax to consider because you aren't living in it. CGT allowances are being reduced next month. Buying a new 2nd property would attract all the usual purchase costs but also a flat rate additional stamp duty for being an additional property.

Those are two big financial reasons to not go through with DP's proposal. I do however think you need to find a different way to manage contributions each of you make in the current 'family' set up. If you are genuinely contributing meaningfully/proportionately to the pot that should be recognised in ownership.

Fluffyhoglets · 08/03/2023 15:15

moneyhouse · 08/03/2023 12:53

I'm telling him later. He is not going to be happy at all. I feel quite empowered after reading most of the comments. So thank you all.
Re my tenants. None of us are claiming any form of benefit. I sometimes pop up for a night out with my friend and will occasionally stay the night there too. It's not that far from us - about 2 hour's drive. They cover my costs on my house by being there and paying me what I tell them they owe that month with an extra 100 pounds for upkeep. We keep it very fair. That's all there is to it. As I mentioned they keep the house neat and do the garden - which is huge and way too much work for me anyway.

They will still be tenants with all the rights of tenants if they dig in when uou want them to leave. And you won't be able to get them to leave as you won't have done all the legal things needed by a landlord. You are leaving yourself very vulnerable here.

MinnieGirl · 08/03/2023 15:41

It sounds like you have a perfect set up with your friends. And it wouldn’t benefit you to sell your house. But it would benefit DP, who would have his mortgage paid off and wouldn’t have to get a proper job…

You are already making a big contribution towards his household expenses and paying for his children. I would seriously consider reducing the amount you spend on this. He has come to rely on you. What would he have done if you weren’t around? He would have found a job asap…

It will be very interesting to see how he responds when you tell him you aren’t planning to sell up… it will tell you a lot about him…
Be careful

FictionalCharacter · 08/03/2023 15:43

Suetcrust · 08/03/2023 06:55

Speaking from experience -
Don’t sell your house. Just don’t.

Take legal advice too about your current living with him scenario. You could find yourself kindly contributing more and more to his home (bathrooms, decorating, refurb of this and that) such that if you split up you are worse off. He will reap the benefit of improvements you’ve generously contributed to. Keep a note of any major expenditure you make towards his house.
Tricky situation. Think of yourself. Think of future worst case scenario.

This, and the idea of him taking “a wage” to do up a new house sounds fishy. What he’s proposing benefits him more than you. you’re doing ok at the moment, you have financial independence. Don’t give that up. You’re not married so you don’t have the same rights as a wife if you split up.

Want2beme · 08/03/2023 15:49

Suetcrust · 08/03/2023 06:55

Speaking from experience -
Don’t sell your house. Just don’t.

Take legal advice too about your current living with him scenario. You could find yourself kindly contributing more and more to his home (bathrooms, decorating, refurb of this and that) such that if you split up you are worse off. He will reap the benefit of improvements you’ve generously contributed to. Keep a note of any major expenditure you make towards his house.
Tricky situation. Think of yourself. Think of future worst case scenario.

I'm with Suetcrust.

Irisheyesareshining · 08/03/2023 15:52

You will have to pay capital gains tax for the years you haven’t lived in it .

FictionalCharacter · 08/03/2023 16:07

DuvetDownn · 08/03/2023 08:12

He’s seeing you/your house as an opportunity to get out of the rat race and play property developer.

He absolutely is - and wants to use OP’s money to buy the property, and pay himself a “wage” with OP’s money to do it. The wage bit was what rang the loudest alarm bells for me.

How hard is he looking for a job @moneyhouse ? I know you think it’s a good relationship, but he’s getting a great deal from you as it is. Care for his kids, contributions to household expenses that you describe as more than your fair share, paying for you all to go abroad so his kids can see their mother. His new plan will be even more to his advantage. I do wonder if he’ll come up with something else (that involves him not getting a job) when you reject this particular plan.

Justforlaffs · 08/03/2023 16:10

Cherrysoup · 08/03/2023 07:10

Didn’t you post about this recently or was it just someone else with 2 nieces? And the dp wanted to buy a holiday house abroad?

I was going to say this - the exact same scenario with 2 nieces!

The general consensus on that thread was “don’t do it” OP.

And definitely do t do it until you’re married (if that is something you choose to do in the future)

Stravaig · 08/03/2023 16:23

By way of reference OP, as a responsible parent he should looking for a steady income which will cover all the costs of providing a home for himself and his DC. Which includes picking up the shortfall of his delinquent co-parent. (What is the story with DC's mother?)

It's nice that he is currently in a relationship, and it's wonderful - for him - that you 'help out' by covering half of all his costs(!); but you are not married, they are not your children, and none of it is your responsibility.

witheringrowan · 08/03/2023 16:41

Does your mortgage allow you to rent out the property without the lenders permission? If you haven't informed the lender, and you don't have a BtL mortgage, you are committing fraud and the lender could be able to repossess the property or demand that you pay the outstanding loan immediately.

2bazookas · 08/03/2023 17:53

If you shared ownership of a property, he has two kids and could Will his half to them. So if he died you could be forced to sell then be homeless.

He's expecting you to exchange total security, for none at all. No way!

I'd be curious to know what happened to his ex when they broke up.. did she lose her home too?

Dawny221 · 08/03/2023 17:59

I’d be firm on this. I have kept my house despite moving in with partner now and I won’t sell it. It’s my safety net not to mention pension/ good investment for the future.

Mississippi6 · 08/03/2023 18:14

Financial independence is everything for a woman. Relationships, unfortunately, do break down. It is a huge risk for you.

I think he should sell his current house and use profit to buy another house jointly with you, then each of you can pay 50-50. Or if you are taking a mortgage, he can use money left from sale to pay his half of mortgage.